Mar 17
which could mean nothing
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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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sometimes i wonder if we're even plural bcs we're pretty much like... always conscious?
like... 'me' is just whoever i feel closest to at that moment, and i act and feel like that alter... and the others just aren't there
but 'i' never leave. my personality and stuff and all that change, and i do sometimes hear the others or feel emotions from them, but 'i' never leave the front...
it could be bcs we're always sorta feeling unreal or bcs the alters aren't as clearly defined, or maybe bcs ⚫🐌 (me) is more original or something? maybe we just share a background self, and we're all extensions of that self, and yeah????
idk... bcs we don't really feel particularly similar sometimes...
idk the term 'plural' still feels right... but sometimes i (cause the others dont wonder unless i'm influencing them-) wonder...
Plural thoughts...
So, I don't think I'm actually plural but...
When I'm feeling like "River" there is a noticeable change in my attitude, demeanor, voice, mannerisms, posture, confidence etc. compared with just day to day "me".
My partner has noticed it, I have noticed it, and I can feel the "switch" when I feel more River-y.
When I'm not in that mode, I think of River as "her" and think about what "she" would do or like. Like, I know what clothes and music and drinks she likes which isn't always the same as what "I" default to.
Plural/median system friends, does any of this resonate with your experience? And if so, how can I help River "front" more? Because I know she wants to...
Tagging @tgirl-tamag0tchi as like, one of the only plural people I know, but if you'd like to be un-tagged let me know, I don't want to be weird.
can anything else other than DID/OSDD cause identity alteration to a kinda consistent degree. I don’t have really any of the other things that people with CDDs experience like amnesia/blackouts/possesive fronts or alters being totally different in what they are like, and I don’t believe I went through anything in my life that would cause osddid. I just get so severely disconnected from previous ways I try to identify and it gets really distressing because I don’t want to be seen as how everyone already sees me I want to be who I am. It doesn’t feel like how people gradually change over time and find new things to like or represent myself, it’s sudden and jarring and distressing to know I’ve changed, and different identities keep coming back. It’s not like my previous ways of identifying disappear entirely, some may. But not a lot. I do dissociate and I suspect dpdr
It’s normal to feel like having alters or members is just a big game of playing pretend, right? And to feel like you’re faking. And to feel like you’re just making excuses…? I feel very much as though I am a system and there are times when I am very certain of it and then times in which I admonish myself for even having the thought. It’s hard too when I don’t feel very much like a ‘true system’ would with clearly defined alters and noticeable gaps in memory, just someone who talks to themselves and feels strange sometimes. I often have periods in which I just feel like myself, only to look back on that same point days or weeks later and ask ‘That wasn’t me, was it?’ with no clear idea as to who ‘me’ even is. It’s just feelings. It just doesn’t feel quite real. I guess I’m looking for assurance.
- Sincerely, A Concerned Member of the Administrative Mind Council
Hi there. I want to assure you that doubt is an extremely common feeling. Given how confusing your sense of self has been your entire life, it can be hard to trust yourself when you're searching for answers and have to reply on your own perceptions and experiences. I also want to say that it seems like there's a lot of shame for being or even thinking you might be plural. No matter what the answer is, you are allowed to explore yourself and ask questions. It's important to people to know themselves, to have a connection with their past and present. It's a personal journey. There's no right way to be plural.
I know that online, especially in Tumblr spaces, many talk about their experiences with their headmates. However, there are many diverse experiences of plurality that never make it online, especially the more negative or hard to understand experiences. Experiences like you describe of not feeling like yourself or having a sense of me, that depersonalization is common among systems but rarely talked about. Understanding these symptoms and feelings more, being able to name them, can better help you feel they are real, not your fault, and worth exploring.
It's ok to be a system, and it's ok if you are a system. It's important to give yourself grace and show yourself the kindness and understanding that others may not.
-mod venus
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
the more i& try to explore and differentiate facets and figure out who's fronting, the less sure i am of like. the idea of our 'core' self actually being a person who's there???? i guess that's medianhood but it is so so strange realising we basically never feel like The Self Of The Body. i thought we might have that kinda thing as a primary/host facet but it's seeming less likely and more as though it just sorta functions as a shell identity for the rest of us vibes. very weird
So, uh… we’ve been wanting to join the plural community on Tumblr and make some funny comics based on our own system, but… we’ve been having a hard time agreeing on whether we should make ourselves public.
A lot of us are nervous, including me (Skye)… did I misspell my own name in the art?
skfnsjngskjngskjg
Anyway...
We were able to talk things through with each other, and we’ve decided we’d like to take the chance of becoming public.
We want to make this clear: we are not officially diagnosed with DID, OSDD, or DDNOS. However, we’ve been engaging with the plural community and have made friends who helped us better understand what we’ve been experiencing.
So, let me introduce you to some of the alters! (Not all of them, some don’t want to be public.)
Skye — That’s me! I’m the artist in the system, but not the host. I’m a red macaw, and I’ll be the one mainly running this account.
Cinnamon — She’s a deer (I’ll get better at drawing animals in the future). She makes sure we do things we don’t want to do, like chores, cooking, and being responsible. That’s all her.
Zelda — He’s a bunny! She’s the health alter and loves working out, eating the right kinds of food, and that sort of thing.
Spyro — You’d think Spyro is a dragon, but he’s actually a mouse! He’s a little and is very scared of a lot of things.
The Egg System — That’s about it for who will most likely appear in the comics. The others don’t really want to be known just yet, including the host.
Even I, who wanted to upload this for a long time, am still a bit nervous.
I hope you all enjoyed this introduction post. If you have any questions, please let us know! We’d love to answer them.
We’ve got some funny comics in the works about us, and we can’t wait to share them with you!
