tadc episode 9 thoughts and feelings, yes spoilers, very long
Thinking more about the tadc finale after sitting with it. I don't even think it's truly bad. Flawed, yes. But I do like parts of it. I don't enjoy the ending either and do wish there could be more in the future. But I think it's more me just not enjoying the ending. It accomplished being brutally emotional.
I think the writing is the biggest weakness, but I don't think it's entirely terrible. Endings are hard anyway. And I'm not here to criticize the writing anyway.
I still have mixed feelings on the Jax stuff. I don't think it's an entirely egregious ending for him, but it's definitely not one I enjoy.
I'm very mixed on it. Having thought on it more, it's fine for an ending I guess. For some people, they seem to love it. So there's something there. But just not an ending I really liked. Which is okay.
Idk. I was expecting emotional shit for the ending. But it kinda felt like the same kinda stuff that a lot of angst fanfics do even if it has a positive side to it. It felt very much like wanting to emotionally gut your audience. Which isn't inherently bad. But I very much stopped engaging with angsty and emotional stuff that did that cause it's just not good for my mental health. So that's the main reason why. The Jax stuff felt very much like that.
I can't say for sure, but the Jax stuff probably is something Goose is satisfied with and ultimately that's what matters. It can be the ending that Goose wanted and I can just not like that and wish it didn't seem so final.
I personally like a touch of hope and knowing that abstraction is permanent as far as has been stated and shown is just kinda crushing to me which puts a damper on the whole finale. Doesn't matter if they tried to do some stuff for them or that Jax is kinda cared for still. It just hits a specific emotional trigger for me that I just do not like. And considering what I sort of hoped for with Jax's character, a certain type of arc for characters that are pretty bad but still have some hope, I was really expecting him to not abstract. That and it felt a little too obvious since it's kinda been predicted for a while.
And I've written angst that kinda has that same vibe as what happened with Jax too. So I get it. But I've just personally moved away from it and fandom in general because it seriously negatively affected my mental health.
I don't think the ending is necessarily wrong. But I just expected different.
And this is mostly about the Jax stuff. There's other criticisms for the Jax screen time, the abstraction off screen, and a whole bunch of other stuff which I can get behind. But that's not my main focus as of right now.
And idk. I've watched plenty of emotionally brutal stuff even with me heavily regulating angsty and emotional content I take in and interact with. But it very much hits that depressing point for me.
It feels like Jax was a pos. He had issues. They got shown, but he didn't really get any help. And then he was doomed to abstract. Which idk. I thought Jax was a good example of even people who are traumatized hurting others even if they tried to rationalize it. I know I sure as hell did that when younger. So I was hoping to see some sort of thing with him getting better. But it feels like he relapses into his prior behavior for the sake of the plot and then he essentially "dies" by being abstracted and no longer being who he was, regardless of whether he's still in there. I don't like seeing characters that suffer get the shit end of the stick. And knowing Caine got redemption, but not Jax just feels extra sour. Like Caine is more humanized than Jax. And a lot of Jax's story felt like pushed to be explanation and sympathy, but then at the same time, you're powerless to do anything. And then he abstracts.
And idk. Having also lived experiences with friends and countless other issues where I've felt powerless. Yeah, that point was just too triggering so me to see a character I loved and hoped would start to change, have some hope, be kinda squashed.
It also feels like Jax had one relapse into his pushing people away and not opening up then gave up. Which just feels terrible. Cause recovery is hard. Undoing trauma responses is hard. You're gonna slip up and slide back. And having Jax abstract feels pretty much like just suicide even down to him not wanting to go. And I just really don't enjoy that. It reads like a pretty depressing message to me that I don't really enjoy.
I can't say all of this is intentional, but it is how it comes off to me. So that's a big reason why I personally did not enjoy it and why it hits that "angsty sadness for the sake of angsty sadness." I can respect if this is truly Goose's vision for it. Cause good for her for making it how she wants. But I just do not like it one bit. And that's okay.
I'm not used to being so negative and expressing it so having to just reassure myself that it's okay that I feel this way.
It's confusing for me. My bf and I both were pretty messed up by Jax abstracting and did not enjoy that part. So it kinda dampered our enjoyment of it by a lot.
Previous episodes felt like they had hope despite all of the emotional torment. But it feels like they tried to have hope for this, but it falls flat when you remember that abstraction is permanent and that everything you saw in the series built to this. Which makes Jax's fate feel inevitable and doomed from the start. I can't feel like it has a happy ending or hopeful ending to it with Caine becoming part of the group and redeemed, but Jax is stuck abstracted for eternity essentially. Not to mention all the other abstractions which is also super depressing too. That they went from these sentient digital beings to essentially wild animals now being given something to help them.
It felt like Jax needed the most help and needed the most of a happy ending since everyone else was managing way better than him, even Kinger. But he gets stuck with the worst ending imo. And it feels like everything within the last few episodes feels pointless considering this is how he ends up. And that the fact he's still somehow in there, but he can't ever be reversed doesn't read as something bittersweet, it's depressing and feels hopeless. I don't care that the digital circus is basically their eternity, finding some hope in that has always been something I've seen. But for the abstractions to basically be somewhat still in their as their usual selves, but also whatever the hell they are now, it just doesn't sit right. It's not even bittersweet. It's just kinda horrific to me.
Idk. I consume a lot of content on the tragedy and emotionally upsetting side of things still. But it's been a good while since something upset me so much AND I didn't like it. They're not truly comparable, but Bring Her Back greatly upset me and triggered me and my bf, but I could still feel a bittersweet hopefulness to its ending. I don't ever wanna see that movie again, but I still greatly respect it and enjoyed it.
And while I respect this finale, I just didn't enjoy it. Kinda felt as emotionally gutting as bridge to terabithia, but without any kind of okay feeling and so it just left me kind of horrified by the eternity of abstraction.
But I also have a fear of heaven because of the eternity of it so I'm also just generally biased against abstraction when it comes to the fact that as far as we know and has been established, there is no coming back from it.
I don't think it's necessarily a bad ending. But it comes off as depressing to me while attempting to be bittersweet or content or somewhat positive. But I just can't feel satisfied with it thanks to the abstractions and especially Jax's. So it feels like a depressing reminder that Jax will never be the same. And he and the others are likely stuck like that for eternity. Still living, still somewhere in there, but unfixable. If there was even a hint of hope of them one day discovering a way to fix it no matter how small, I'd probably feel better. I guess you can interpret it that way, but when I try to, it feels like I'm just coping and that I'm reminded that abstraction is permanent.
Idk. I like ambiguous endings. I like endings that aren't always happy. I like bittersweet endings. But this really didn't hit the mark for me and hits my emotional triggers in a way that feels just upsetting and not even in a good way that I usually enjoy. Jax suffering for the sake of Jax suffering.