#setia

Kehilangan adalah milik mereka yang mengkhianati. Yang menukar ketulusan dengan kebohongan. Yang tidak bisa bertahan di satu hati, lalu berpikir mereka bisa punya segalanya tanpa kehilangan apa-apa.

Aku dilatih berbicara sejak bayi, agar lidahku mengenal dunia. Namun di usia dewasa, aku justru lebih percaya pada sunyi. Sebab kata-kata terlalu ringkih, mudah menjelma duri, mudah berubah jadi dosa.

Lebih baik kusimpan riuh itu di tinta. Di sana, kata bisa kuperhalus, kuhapus, kutata ulang. Sementara suara, sekali meluncur, hanya menyisakan luka yang tak bisa ditarik kembali.

Dan lihatlah, betapa murahnya bicara di hadapan tiran. Seberbusa apapun lidah, tetap dianggap buzzer, atau dicap kanak-kanak yang tak tahu apa-apa.

Barangkali benar: diam itu emas. Tapi emas tak selalu suci, kadang ia berkarat dalam kegelapan.

Maka, Tuhan, izinkan aku memilih jalanku sendiri: berdiri di belakang, diam di keramaian, namun riuh dalam tulisan.

Seringkali ditanya, "Apa kamu takut karena banyak isu perselingkuhan?"

Akan ku jawab dengan mantap, "Tidak."

Menikah memang perlu keberanian. Termasuk berani untuk memegang komitmen. Diawali dengan akad, pernikahan dimulai. Komitmen agung yang disaksikan malaikat. Komitmen yang menjadi tanda kebesaran Allaah menyatukan dua hati yang tercerai.

Komitmen. Tidak mudah memang. Bahkan beberapa orang butuh jaminan untuk tetap erat mendekapnya. Salah satunya agar hatinya tetap tertambat pada pemiliknya. Mengunci sebagaimana jangkar menambatkan kapal. Menjaganya dari ombak ganas yang menyerang dermaga. Melabuhkan hati setelah sekian kali berlayar.

Ada yang berharap pasangannya tetap setia. Hatinya tetap tertaut. Kemudian melihat masa lalunya, betapa pasangannya amat sangat menjaga hingga ia dapatkan jaminan kesetiaan.

Apa yang ia lihat?

Banyak. Salah satunya dari interaksi pasangannya. Tidak mudah untuk akrab dengan lawan jenis sebab kesadaran akan pengawasan dari Allah. Kesadaran bahwa Allah mengantur interaksi laki-laki dengan perempuan. Kesadaran bahwa apapun yang ia lakukan kelak akan dimintai pertanggungjawaban.

Berjanjilah untuk selalu setia, walau tempat bernaung kita sudah mulai tak nyaman.

Mari kita perbaiki bersama, kita tambal semua bocornya, kita dempul semua retaknya.

Tak apa lelah, asal jangan berpindah rumah.

[Masterlist] - there are also the OCs described in much detail

Trope: Fevers + Comf: Blankets & a Hot Drink OCs: Adam x Setia (canon to Vermillion arc) CW: injuries, LGBTQ+ themes, slavery

Servant's Servant

Setia was able to see only one thing in Adam at first - his status. Status of a servant slave he himself was just so lucky to lose for the low, low price of giving up his love to Larat. And Adam was kind of like him, scare, skittish, defiant, but smart and observing. The state he was in left no doubt, Setia would do everything to put his previous owner to prison. Shiroi must pay. But now, instead of being served coffee at his new, royal study, Setia was sitting on the verge of Adam's bed, carefully cooling his forehead with a damp cloth.

Setia was just stuck in his original role, circling between kitchen, bathroom and his bed, the only reason being Larat treating him the same way all those years before. Now that his younger counterpart went down with a fever from all the stress of landing as a prospective left hand of the future King of Vermillion, he didn't allow any other slave near him. It was just his job to make sure the younger man, with all his scars and bruises, will be nursed back to health.

Setia just knew, he mentally never lose the black collar Queen Merahtua so ceremoniously took off his neck in her.. in their bedroom. He would tell this lengthy tale of rise to power he never wanted, if only Adam was conscious enough to listen. For now he was grippling with the silk sheets, his knuckles almost white. All this in stark contrast with black waves of hair which needed constant brushing off from his sweaty face.

Setia felt phantom pains when he gently opened his shirt to cool his chest as well. So skinny, he could easily count each rib. He fought all the temptations in the world no to cry out. To ground himself, the tall blonde stood up, approached the window and started humming a tune of an old religious hymn for Ubisi. He did it so unknowingly, that it will take a few weeks for him to regret it, in the steel embrace of another god he promised to follow to get them all free. His bet was made, but his habits and ticks betrayed him in the small space of Adam's chamber.

Setia proceeded to clean and dress any fresh wounds he was able to found, looking for the furrowed brows on the pale face before him. Shushing Adam broke his resolve more than his heart. He wanted scented oil on that pale skin, he wanted all the rings and gold given away for an even more comfortable bedding for this here slave. His slave now. And there would be no freeing him until his job in the palace, and probably elsewhere, is done.

Setia saw in that feverish, sick, broken man all the things he will have yet to sacrifice, all the compromises, lies and murders he will have to go into, head first, until the system collapses, but country survives. Like in the body beneath his slim fingers, the only way was forward, forward into a coup. With no political prisoners and public hangings. Just people he trusted would do good enough job at all the right places, and him, in his collar, with his bottled up feelings. He didn't know better than to lean in and kiss Adam, begging with all his soul to suck all his nightmares and trap them in his own chest, deep under all else.

"Begitu?"

"Ketika rasa cinta pada pasangannya lambat laun memudar, komitmen pada Allah-lah yang ia pegang."

"Lalu, bagaimana caranya kita tahu hati seseorang itu takut pada Allah atau tidak?"

"Mintalah pada Allah supaya ditunjukkan. Urusan sandal putus aja kita disuruh minta sama Allah, apalagi urusan jodoh. Allah Maha Mengetahui isi hati manusia, sedang manusia tidak."

"Agaknya kita sendiri juga berdoa, supaya kita termasuk orang-orang yang takut pada Allah."

"Tentu saja."