#parentanger

When you know better but aren’t doing better First I must acknowledge, simply knowing and recognizing coping skills and behaviours within ourselves that no longer serve us and/or may be harmful to ourselves or the people around us, is the the most important step in this journey. You are at the planning stages. You are thinking about trying a different path. You may have even decided to take that different path but you end up on the old path. Don’t worry; someday you will take a step down that path. It may only be one step, at first. You may start down the old path, stop, run back and try the new path. All of this IS “doing better.” As we do in our children, we need to celebrate our small steps. We need to recognize that so much of the work is internal. Just knowing what to do differently does not stop you from old patterns. When it comes to parenting, many of these patterns are set in your own childhood. You may but even realize you have these patterns, until you become a parent. Often these patterns are also triggering for the parent, further fueling the emotional burden of parenting because when they see themselves doing exactly what they promised they would never do, their confidence and self-worth as a parent can simply plummet. Usually I realize I was overwhelmed in some way and validating my feelings of overwhelm, forgiving myself, giving myself grace and making a plan to meet some of those unmet needs, has transformed my perception of these moments where reaction was my initial response. I discuss this in detail in the Guide to Survival Mode Plans, now only 5$’s The link is in my bio @responsive_parenting #responsiveparenting #jmilburn #healingjourney #parentanger #parentmentalhealth #maternalmentalhealth #postpartummentalhealth #breakingcycles #intergenerationaltrauma #changingthenarrative #allthefeels #changeishard https://www.instagram.com/p/CWjwkkhr014/?utm_medium=tumblr

My Top 5 Triggers of Parent Anger 1. Loud noise while the baby is sleeping/being put to sleep 2. Getting ready to leave the house 3. Repetitive loud noises 4. Feeling ignored 5. Feeling overwhelmed by my never-ending to-do list What triggers your parent anger? Where do you think those feelings come from? Are any of them really about something your child is lacking or are they more about your needs not getting met? Or messages you have heard and internalized? Or a misunderstanding about your child’s needs? We’ll be asking all these questions and more during our Responding to the Needs of Your Toddler Workshop Series. Link in bio @responsive_parenting ⭐️ #responsiveparenting #jmilburn #parentanger #emotionalintelligence #toddlers #livingwithtoddlers #livingwithchildren #parentsupport https://www.instagram.com/p/CQD2FoxHkdL/?utm_medium=tumblr

When you know better but aren’t doing better First I must acknowledge, simply knowing and recognizing coping skills and behaviours within ourselves that no longer serve us and/or may be harmful to ourselves or the people around us, is the the most important step in this journey. You are at the planning stages. You are thinking about trying a different path. You may have even decided to take that different path but you end up on the old path. Don’t worry; someday you will take a step down that path. It may only be one step, at first. You may start down the old path, stop, run back and try the new path. All of this IS “doing better.” As we do in our children, we need to celebrate our small steps. We need to recognize that so much of the work is internal. Just knowing what to do differently does not stop you from old patterns. When it comes to parenting, many of these patterns are set in your own childhood. You may but even realize you have these patterns, until you become a parent. Often these patterns are also triggering for the parent, further fueling the emotional burden of parenting because when they see themselves doing exactly what they promised they would never do, their confidence and self-worth as a parent can simply plummet. Usually I realize I was overwhelmed in some way and validating my feelings of overwhelm, forgiving myself, giving myself grace and making a plan to meet some of those unmet needs, has transformed my perception of these moments where reaction was my initial response. I discuss this in detail in the Guide to Survival Mode Plans, now only 5$’s The link is in my bio @responsive_parenting #responsiveparenting #jmilburn #healingjourney #parentanger #parentmentalhealth #maternalmentalhealth #postpartummentalhealth #breakingcycles #intergenerationaltrauma #changingthenarrative #allthefeels #changeishard #parenthood #motherhood #parents #parentlife #dadlife #fatherhood #momlife #emotions #selfworth #toddlerlife #kidlife #selflove #loveyourself #allthefeelsareok #connection https://www.instagram.com/p/CYxIOAJLDQi/?utm_medium=tumblr

Anger vs. Walking Away Have you ever had to walk away from your crying child because you were so angry? Did you feel like your behaviour was increasingly difficult to control? Did you feel like your emotions were controlling your body and mind? Then did you feel guilty afterwards for walking away? You are not alone ❤️ Anger is a feeling we all experience. Healthy expressions of anger are not particularly harmful to children. In fact this models how to express your anger safely. The issue is… most of us are used to either suppressing our anger and/or letting it out in potentially harmful ways. Quite simply… Being exposed to unhealthy expressions of parent anger is more damaging than being left alone to cry for a few minutes. If you are able to process your anger in a safe and healthy way, around your child, that is ideal. Because they get to bare witness to how you process big emotions and self-regulate. Sometimes we need to practice these skills alone before we’re ready to try them in our children’s presence. The Guide to Survival Mode Plans details what happens in these moments of dysregulation, how to plan and prepare for them, how to process your thoughts and emotions and how to process the feelings of guilt associated with walking away. Get the Guide through the link in my bio @responsive_parenting or click on the purse icon in the corner of the PREVIOUS POST 😊 J. Milburn #responsiveparenting #jmilburn #parentanger #postpartumrage #postpartummentalhealth #ppd #ppa #parentingsupport #maternalmentalhealth #maternalmentalhealthmatters #allthefeelsareok https://www.instagram.com/p/CYAVOMELJbC/?utm_medium=tumblr

Parent Question: “What if you want to be a responsive parent but your child pushes every button you have and you end up being a shouty coercive mom! It's so hard. Especially as coercive is hard wired in me as that was how I was parented. I so wanted my relationship with my child to be different.” “Believe it or not, I struggle with being a shouty mom. It's a lot of my reason for this constant self-reflection. We need to explore those "buttons" what are they? Why? Where did they come from? What do they feel like? But even before that, we need to focus on recognizing when "our buttons are pushed." And stopping ourselves, going into survival mode, before we shout. This is what has worked for me. I was yelling multiple times a day and now it's not even twice a month. And it's short, I catch myself and prioritize self-regulation.” J. Milburn I actually have a collection of tools that I created as a result of my own healing journey (that I am still on and always will be). I put them together in a bundle. You can access the Healing Journey Bundle through the link in my bio @responsive_parenting #responsiveparenting #jmilburn #healingjourney #parentingsupport #parentanger #momrage #postpartummentalhealth #postpartumrage #reflectivepractice #holdingspace #shareyourcalm #giveyourselfgrace #selflove #children #selfcare #parenthood #wellness #recovery #momlife #childrens #parentquestion https://www.instagram.com/p/CX0f1p3rF3O/?utm_medium=tumblr

I have parents contact me, all the time, just devastated that they keep making the same mistakes, even though they are trying desperately to change their behaviour. It’s discouraging for them as they seem to see this parenting approach as a pursuit of perfection. It is not at all. It is about reflection and connection. It is about giving ourselves as much grace as we give our children. Truly modelling grace for our children. Instead of telling yourself “I need to calm down!” Tell yourself “I need to give myself grace.” If you were to shout at your child to calm down, would you expect them to? Well then why do we expect ourselves to feel calmed by our screaming inner critic? Learn how to do this with the Guide to Survival Mode Plans. Link in bio @responsive_parenting #responsiveparenting #jmilburn #parentanger #selfregulation #polyvagaltheory #parentingsupport #maternalmentalhealth #maternalmentalhealthmatters #parentmentalhealth #healingjourney #selfregulation #coregulation #newpatterns https://www.instagram.com/p/CXanRbBrOTi/?utm_medium=tumblr

My Top 5 Triggers of Parent Anger⁣ 1. Loud noise while the baby is sleeping/being put to sleep⁣ 2. Getting ready to leave the house⁣ 3. Repetitive loud noises⁣ 4. Feeling ignored⁣ 5. Feeling overwhelmed by my never-ending to-do list⁣ ⁣ What triggers your parent anger? Where do you think those feelings come from? Are any of them really about something your child is lacking or are they more about your needs not getting met? Or messages you have heard and internalized? Or a misunderstanding about your child’s needs?⁣ ⁣ When I feel like the anger is about to take control, I use a Survival Mode Plan to prioritize and get everyone’s needs met quickly. Do you have a Survival Mode Plan? Get the Guide To Survival Mode Plans through the link in my bio or click on the purse icon in the corner. These moments will happen for most of us… having a plan can help you feel more in control when you are feeling out of control.⁣ #responsiveparenting #jmilburn #parentanger #emotionalintelligence #toddlers #livingwithtoddlers #livingwithchildren #parentsupport #rage #parenting #triggered #parentcoach #connectedparenting #selfhealingjourney #selffulfillment #traumarecovery #unconditionalparenting https://www.instagram.com/responsive_parenting/p/CXPA7xLMudv/?utm_medium=tumblr

Gave some pretty helpful advice today (if I do say so myself lol) about what prioritizing self-regulation looks like in the pursuit of reducing parent anger. I have some tools I’ve created during my difficult journey to reduce my parent anger. There is a link in my bio if you want try them out for yourself; click on the Healing Journey Bundle. This interaction below is an example of this process in action ❤️ @meryangrymom “Prioritize self regulation tnx, that was the sentence I needed” responsive_parenting @meryangrymom “an example would be, you walk in on something (a mess) you are "not happy about" you feel yourself growing angry, you want to respond to the mess with shouting and blame because now you have to clean it. That's all valid... Now, if the mess is not hurting anyone, walk away from it, take a minute to self-regulate. That will NOT sound like "why am I so upset? I shouldn't be so upset! It's just mess! They're kids!" What it should sound like is "whoa! So proud of myself for walking out of here before I blew up. That is a big mess. No wonder I feel frustrated. Now what can I do to help myself with that frustration?" J. Milburn @responsive_parenting #responsiveparenting #jmilburn #healingjourney #parentanger #postpartumrage #postpartummentalhealth #maternalmentalhealth #paternalmentalhealth #angrymom #angrydad #healingisaprocess https://www.instagram.com/p/CWJJbJJLqPb/?utm_medium=tumblr