Responsive Parenting

At first glance, this seems like a fabulous idea! One I possibly would have thought of myself but my parenting experience has lead me to a different understanding. They have a “kindest” kid award in my child’s class. After many tears about trying to be so kind and not getting the award, I have realized that the award is given to the most compliant and obedient child, not the kindest. The one who…

It works, it just doesn’t have the same goals as coercive parenting (CP). If your goal is obedience, then it might feel like RP doesn’t “work.” You might be trying to use a RP method to achieve a CP goal. Your methods may be aligned with Responsive Parenting but are your goals also aligned? I find it’s really hard to do one without having the other. Same as if you have RP goals but not RP…

Is counting to 3 a responsive strategy? I think a lot of people will feel defensive about this, as it is such a common strategy. However, the focus is on obedience. It is responsive to the parents need for the child to obey their command. It may feel as though you are giving them the time they need to listen to what you want them to do but during those three seconds, what is happening in your…

Excerpt from Finding Your Calm: A Responsive Parent’s Guide to Self-Regulation and Co-Regulation Parent guilt is something we almost assume comes with the job of parenting. I, myself, have said to other parents “as you know, the baby comes out with a big side of guilt.” I said this because it is often true, but it does not have to be. I am learning how to reframe guilt in my mind. Guilt is one…

You don’t have to buy toys to play and have fun. In fact, some of the most creative play happens without toys. These are some of my favourite non-toy gift ideas for kids. A lot of items are under $20 and many make good stocking stuffers too. Click on the item to see the price. Craft Supplies Jewellery Making Kit Tools for Cardboard Creations Random Craft Items Pop Beads Loom Clay…

Many teens feel misunderstood. Parents will say “I do understand them! I empathize, I listen, I try to let them make choices, I show them I love them, still I am met with attitude. What do they want?”  The questions is… what do you want? What are your expectations of them? Often we are seeking reciprocity in our relationships with our children.  Teens are the most socially masked creatures.…

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At what point as parents do we start expecting reciprocity? And how realistic is our expectation? Most parents have had that moment where we take our child to somewhere super awesome (and busy and mega expensive). You assume it will be worth the money because you have seen many movies where the special day with the family at the amusement park was the highlight of the family vacation. We assume…

How do you stop a rain drop from falling? How do you stop a snow flake from melting on your tongue? How do you stop the waves from crashing into your castle? How do you stop the thunder from scarring all the dogs? How do you get the sun to hold onto it’s rays? How do you get the earth to stop spinning around the sun? There are some things we cannot stop, slow down or control. Children are…

There is a misconception that a child who is sitting quietly is able to concentrate better but the reality can be quite different. For some children, the mental and physical energy it takes to sit quiet and still is all consuming. This leaves them depleted of the energy required to focus on learning. What they end up learning is how to not be disruptive in a classroom setting, which is only a…

This is a post from a Mommy group that I responded to. Post: Long post ahead… Moms please talk to me about daycare. We are registered to start my toddler in a couple weeks and I don’t know if it’s jitters or mommy instincts but I think I might have to back out. We’ve gone for 5 visits now to get LO acquainted and used to the teachers and other kids and I always come home with more worries over…

Scary moment when another parent confronts you because your child hurt their child. We’re going to make the assumption that the aggression has ended, if your child is still hurting another child, go stop that before you talk to the parent and child.  Be genuinely empathetic and apologetic Stay calm Keep it light and friendly  I would say something like “She pushed your daughter? Oh I’m so…

My 11 yr old came up with the idea to create a “movie night” setup in the living room which included bringing the Fort couch up and some other pillows. Well, part of the Fort Couch is kept in my 4 yr old’s room. She saw this setup and was immediately distraught because she claims ownership of several of the items and apparently was not in the mood to share. Typically, these 3 can work a situation…

We use cooperation and collaboration, not consequences, when we need our child to do something they don’t want to do. Children who are punished in order to get them to obey tend to start giving the same threats with others “if you don’t give me that truck, I’m not inviting you to my birthday party!!” They grow to learn that if someone doesn’t do what they ask, they should threaten them to get…

Adopting a child is an emotional experience for everyone involved, down to the nurses and social workers. EVERYONE wants this to be the best choice for the baby. EVERYONE wants to see the baby thrive. Most babies are not sent home with such a big role. All the adults want confirmation that they all “did the right thing.” The pressure is massive on an adopted child. We are expected to be gracious,…