#allthefeels

So enough those girly emotions 🤪😉🤣... I truly hope you and Uncle Ron had the best day of fishing 🎣 and bullsh*ting... like old times🥰🥲🥰 and you'll remember this birthday as one of your best! Can't wait to hear all the details 😘 Give everyone up there all my love, and we'll all be together again, soon enough💕

I've been slacking on my communication skills.

and before you rant on how I rattle on and can't seem to stay quiet, that's not what I mean at all.

I'm like "filling the silence" for lack of better terms.

I babble to avoid reality, and the consequences of my previous word vomit are coming to rear their ugly head.

not so much in a context inclusive to me ever just saying something nonsensical to the current situation ambiguously motivated to simply hear myself (I have). but moreover because now, no one is willing to listen.

i’ve come to this absolute pinnacle of despair or disillusion, but it wears down on me. a personification which masquerades itself as this lengthy moment of clarity, while simultaneously existing almost parallel to the illusion that is a tunnel ascending when it is actually grading down to a dark fault.

it’s caused my mind to become erratic, because i’m moving in one direction while my perception is that i am going in another. and it’s left my thoughts in absolute chaos.

my lack of control of my emotions has, at this point, been climax to some seriously eccentric outbursts and breakdowns.

so now i stay timid out of fear and not control.

fear of losing the things i love so much that i fought vigilantly to prove my love for, only to be left feeling everything too much again.

and again, unable to talk.

all these fucking scars and bruises and physical reminders of those emotions and that which i should talk about, and yet the words that coincided with them, the harm and pain that they brought when spoken, are what are actually dragging me back to that dark place.

and still no one to talk to.

no one that will listen.

and no one with anything nice to say.

now i’m ready to let it all out of me, as it so imminently needs to for my mental state to remain somewhat inhabitable.

every word is trapped inside my throat, gaining size and strength and tenacity and fire with every breath.

I'm a ticking time bomb, and its casualty as well.

turns out sticks and stones can't break me,