Relationships are incredibly hard for us and we feel so fucking bad about it. The people in our lives deserve better, but we don't know how to change. It is so hard for us to stay in contact. It is so hard for us to establish boundaries and say no and be honest with others. It us so hard to reject others. It is so hard to exist in a relationship of any kind or explain that we are deeply fucked in the head and we don't mean to hurt people or be bad friends - we are simply just very mentally ill and struggle with the most basic shit. We have a fragmented self and will forget people. Some parts will be attached to some people and others are so dissociated from our life that they just do their own little things at home. Some parts will isolate us to protect us and we have a hard time communicating why we need space. Thinking is hard when you're in a flashback
How the fuck do you even explain this to people? And do we need to isolate ourselves until we can handle having friends? We always end up figuring out that we can't do as much as we thought we could. We might also be autistic and adhd, which adds to the whole "social stuff hard" as if being a did system didn't already complicate that by itself
We'd wish we didn't need or want a social life and that we could just live by ourselves in a little cabin in the woods. But we are very social - or some parts are. This is fucking hell. We are a broken excuse of a human
