#narcawareness

npd is a disorder. not something you can apply to every person you dont like or who is hurtful.

if you were to live with a condition that people only associate specific stigmatized negative traits to and only thought of those traits when they heard about your condition and hated you for it, you'd be upset and hurt by the misinformation and misunderstanding too. especially if it prevented you from getting the help and support you needed. thats what happens to us, to many people with all kinds of conditions.

people associate those things with us and immediately apply our term to anyone with those traits and deem them unworthy of help, making it harder for us to be deemed worthy of the help we need.

use different descriptors, theres tonnes of them.

Dear M, 

Today was pretty busy since it was finally the day for our friendsgiving dinner party. Been up and running since 9am with only 3 hours worth of sleep, so it was a bit of a struggle in the beginning but I pulled it off in the end. The turkey smelled heavenly all day and ended up tasting great. All of my pies; Chocolate Silk, Chocolate Peanut Butter, Dutch Apple, Pecan, Pumpkin and Butterscotch Cinnamon; were a huge hit. I always feel happy making the Butterscotch Cinnamon pie because I know my husband loves it just as much as he loves Undertale. It was great spending time with a few close friends with good food and good conversations. I honestly can’t wait until the year is finished because hopefully, my job opportunities will replenish and hopefully get a job I will at least enjoy doing. I also hope getting my degree in May will better my chances as well. 

I’m really thinking about making a daily diary for what happens in my day to day life, the good and the bad, while also making entries for things I went through during my childhood at the hands of my very narcissistic family and also writing down stories that happened to me that could be good or bad. I just want to share my stories with people who went through similar things growing up or things that have happened to them as a young adult. It really amazes me all that shit I actually went through in my life thus far. Like it boggles my mind to the point that it almost doesn’t seem real. But it was, I lived it. Some examples would be like: *My parents being forced to get married because my shit father knocked up my mom. I was an accident child and they definitely treated me like one.

*My shit aunts treating me and my sister like we are just these lifeless play things they could do whatever they wanted to. Like cutting all my hair off, making us eat rotten food, a meatloaf filled with candle wax in it, making us sleep on dog piss soaked couch cushions, stealing our jewelry our Nana willed to us after she passed, and a lot of verbal, mental, and emotional abuse.

*Shit dad cheated on my mom multiple times, stole our brand new Wii system and gave it to his whore’s kid. We were very poor growing up so this was obviously traumatizing to have something we wanted so badly and literally stolen from us.

*Mom always telling us we were, stupid, ugly, fat, no ambition, never reach their goals, etc., you get point. 

*Shit dad physically abusing us

*Shit dad stealing our inheritance that was supposed to pay for our college tuition and buying a stupid fucking truck that eventually was repossessed Unfuckingbelivable. 

Her arrogance in thinking she can keep the truth hidden is no longer frustrating to me. It is just strange.

Her inability to grasp reality is terrifying to me.

She has constructed a fortress of lies to shield herself from the truth.

Her arrogance in thinking she can keep the truth hidden is no longer frustrating; it is just strange, especially as more of the truth keeps surfacing. It is fascinating how this woman is prepared to die on a hill that is crumbling beneath her feet.

An observation.