#madpride

self diagnosis goes against the idea that psychiatriac professionals have unique knowledge - knowledge only obtainable by someone who has studies for years, specifically from a removed & outside perspective to any individual's Madness: even if that student, themselves, is Mad.

self diagnosis goes against the idea that Mad people are inherently incapable of telling their own story - that any ways in which they do communicate, express themselves, etc. is tainted by their Madness and thus unreliable.

self diagnosis says "i know my own bodymind better than anyone; i live here. this is my life. i get to define my experiences." self diagnosis holds self compassion. self diagnosis holds self empowerment.

diagnosis is typically something "given to" Mad people. in psychiatry's eyes, diagnosis is something to describe us that we must have, yet can never attain for ourselves.

by Johnny Silverhand

Putting yourself first is a natural reaction in a society that consistently puts you last, but in doing so you’ll be assumed crazy by the society that neglected you. In the book Catch-22 by Joseph Heller, the main character Yossarian is regularly framed as a mad man. Why is this so? The answer is the simple fact that he is having a rational reaction to his external environment, in which a war is taking place that he is forced to fight in. In the pages 298-300, Yossarian meets with a psychiatrist that claims he has a persecution complex that makes him think people are out to harm him. The conversation then goes as so:

“People ARE trying to harm me”

“You see? You have no respect for excessive authority or obsolete traditions. You’re dangerous and depraved, and you ought to be taken outside and shot.”

(page 299, Joseph Heller)

Anyone can see that his logical reaction to a war and the terror he faces everyday is being pathologized to justify the neglect of his need to be grounded to safety, to enforce authority rule over him, and even to warrant violence towards him. How does this relate to narcissism? Like the term crazy that is being weaponized against Yossarian, the label narcissist is used to pathologize a rational reaction of believing you deserve better than the exploitation of capitalism. When you are labeled a narcissist, your voice is shrunk down to a minuscule and becomes invaluable as your existence no longer supports the growth of production. When you are labeled a narcissist, you are robbed of your personhood and harm isn’t just okay to do to you, but important to do to you as some sinister form of justice for all the future harm you have caused. As a narcissist, I reject this; I say that narcissism isn’t just rational to capitalism, but also completely justified in the fact that we deserve to be the center of attention, we deserve to have control, and we deserve to have admiration. 

How does capitalistic society neglect us of support? We are a traumatized people, trauma that has torn us permanently apart and was inflicted or strengthened by the family structure, class divisions, or other oppressive structures caused by racism, patriarchy, cisnormativity, etc. And you are expected to not just deal with this on your own, but to deal with it quietly. By the DSM5, a symptom of Narcissism is a need for admiration or to be at the center of attention. This wording is sinister and only comes from the perspective of the outsider, what we are in need for is equity and support. Our needs are high, as our wounds lacked their stitching over time in our enforced silence, and as they opened wider our need for care became greater and greater until we were on the verge of death. This need of validation or a listening audience or affection may seem higher than the average persons, and because of its high ceiling it is seen as “desiring to be in the center of attention”, but it is instead us bleeding out and asking for stitches for our gravely infected wounds which requires more gauze, more alcohol, more nursing than usual. And to justify neglecting us of our needs, we are called selfish, and we are abandoned. This isn’t just a metaphor, we are literally abandoned, and this is evident by high suicide rates and high homeless rates. Is us asking for aid not just a rational reaction to the wounds of the trauma of being in a capitalistic society? It is rational! It is logical! What does bourgeoisie get out of starving us then? That is easy to answer, pathologizing the poor needing support prevents a movement to a more socialist structure, money is withheld to the bourgeoise and maximized off the suffering of the people. 

Furthermore, everyone under capitalist rule has thought before “I wish I had control over my life”. Everyone. This is okay, this is common. Then what separates the narcissist? The fact that we actually make our attempt to take control in aspects of our daily life, that we demand it as it is apart of our needs. This drive is pathologized, because the greatest weapon of crushing someone’s drive is to bring doubt and societal rejection to their drive. Let’s bring in an easy realistic example, at work you feel like your time and effort deserves better pay than the minimum wage, a normal rational feeling for anybody whose surplus value is being exploited. You go to your boss, you request higher pay, you request more time off, you request sick time, you request grieving time, you request to be treated as an equal to him. You are rejected everytime with the excuse of “policy” or some bullshit. The boss goes to the break room, he gossips with your coworkers about how narcissistic you are for thinking you deserve better than every other coworker you have, for asking too much, for being selfish and self centered. Your coworkers take in these words, nodding their heads to appease their boss, but as they engage with you they start to see it too. You ask for them to not talk to you that way, you ask them to respect your efforts and achievements, you ask them for control over small daily life things that have made you feel belittled. They see your boss is right, and now they no longer invite you to eat lunch with them, they no longer let you borrow their pens or their pencils, they no longer see you as a person but a selfish narcissistic asshole who never even deserved that higher pay you asked for. The bourgeois have the ultimate control of society, as they own the means of production, but when they are selfish and demand more out of you, they aren’t narcissistic, they’re just businessmen.  

Moving on, how does support and admiration differ? Support is stitching the wounds, admiration is hearing the narcissist out on how to prevent the wounds and agreeing with them and following through. Throughout time there have been figureheads, leaders, authors, voices that have been heard and greatly respected. Being a narcissist means to be constantly disrespected under capitalism as we are discredited because of our insanity. Admiration to narcissists is vital to help the improvement of our livelihoods, and the livelihoods of all proletariat because we recognize that we deserve better, and thus our voice will aid others to realize that they also deserve better, and in doing so they become the narcissist too. We need to be admired so our words can be trusted, and the sanism that censors us can be combatted. Think about Yossarian from the beginning of the text, what if he had people who admired him being vocal about how people want to kill him and that he has the right to live? What if him vocalizing how he feels made people see that they also deserve the right to live, even if it made them crazy to think so? The power given to authority is only so by the people they rule over, and if this rule is doubted, the power is overthrown and returned to the people, where change will be made.  You have to admire crazy people, they’re the only ones willing to actually do anything, even if it makes you crazy too.

In conclusion, narcissism is rational and justified as it demands our needs to be met, the taking of our lives back, and change to be made under a society that wants to kill us for not wanting to be exploited anymore. Many anti psychs say that the term narcissistic personality disorder should be rejected as a whole, I see this as a truth, but as a narcissist I make my own addition to this truth. I am a narcissist, it defines me, my ideals, my politics, my entire being. I am however not disordered, there isn’t anything about me that needs to be fixed, my “sickness” is bought upon by my lack of submission. Narcissism then should instead be uplifted. Narcissism needs to be seen as a pure logic, a true reaction to have, a function that just makes sense to turn to. If you have yet to be labeled as a narcissist, I ask you to reflect on yourself, and recognize that you must demand better. You need to be narcissistic, you need to be crazy, and then you will be conscious. 

Going off your meds for any reason whatsoever is valid and cool.

People who feel traumatized by meds and have extreme boundaries when it comes to talking about them are great and valid.

People who completely refuse meds but don't have trauma to "justify" it are great and valid.

People who go off their meds despite having "scary" disorders are wonderful.

Unmedicated people don't deserve the hate we get. We deserve cuddles and hugs and headpats.

I made jewellery out of my old medicine that I never disposed off. The earrings are made out of Duloxetine. The necklace contains Lamotrigene, Risperidone, Alprazolam, Oxazepam, Methylphenidathydrochlorid, and Quetiapine

These jewellery pieces are meant to symbolise my journey towards recovery and fighting the stigma that comes with having mental health disorders. I am taking life into my own hands and I am not gonna be ashamed of my neurodivergencies or what I survived

Every fucking time you see rep with someone who has even mid-support needs the comments are like "I have autism. I want a NORMAL character who's just kind of awkard!"

Great. That's not what autism is. Asshole.

[before anyone says this isn't true, here is an example]

But we can make shift of disorder =/= diagnosis.

Diagnosis is legal, it's what labels the government gives you to impact your life in some way. Generally, unless you absolutely need some specific service that you absolutely cannot get without a diagnosis You Do Not Fucking Want One.

You should NEVER seek a diagnosis to feel validation for your experiences, that's making the irreversible decision to giving the government crucial information about your mental health. If the disorder is stigmatized a diagnosis strips you of your human rights.

It is literally just a legal acknowledgement of experiences you already have.

So yeah when you talk about disorders don't use the term diagnosis interchangeably, stop pushing therapy on everyone you're giving self help advice to, and stop prioritizing professional diagnosis as being more valid than alternatives.