#hatewich

What is a hotdog bun but an adorable little hoagie roll that excels at holding dick-shaped meats? You can lie to yourself all you want but deep down you know: this is a picture of a sandwich. A damn good one too, might I add. Hot dog with pineapple salsa, bacon, fried shallots, spicy chili sauce, on poppy seed bun. #hottake #shotsfired #sandwich #sandwiches #wichlife #hatewich #sandwichporn #hotdog #hotdogs #tubesteak #grilled #weiner #pineapple #salsa #bacon #shallots #eats #grub #foodpic #instafood #lunch #foodporn #foodgasm #foodredrocket (at Chicago, Illinois)

I'm a big fan of the expression "one of these days..." I really like that it simultaneously conveys annoyance and an ambiguous threat. But I really, really like that nobody knows that when I say "one of these days..." in my head it's immediately followed by "I'm gonna strip naked and run down the street smashing car windows with a 9-iron and screaming like a goddamn howler monkey." Every fucking time. Sweet and spicy bbq chicken, bell peppers, mixed greens, green onion, on a hoagie roll. #sandwich #sandwiches #hatewich #sandwichporn #wichlife #chicken #chickensandwich #chickenthigh #hoagie #eats #foodpic #instafood #grub #foodporn #foodgasm #foodgummer (at Chicago, Illinois)

I used to live like I wouldn't make it to thirty. Now that I've fucked that up I'm living like we're teetering on the brink of an apocalypse. I feel like I'm bound to be right one of these times. Anyways, NONE OF THIS MATTERS, FUCK IT, WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE. I PUT CRAB ON MY GRILLED CHEESE! Crab meat, smoked gouda, parmesan, cream cheese, shitake mushroom, green onion, on parmesan crusted sourdough. #sandwich #sandwiches #hatewich #sandwichporn #wichlife #crab #seafood #grilledcheese #grilledcheesesandwich #melt #gouda #sourdough #mushroom #eats #food #lunch #grub #foodpic #instafood #foodporn #foodgasm #foodalaskankingcrotchcrabs (at Logan Square)

Number 5 in the series "Sweet Merciful Fuck, Why do I have so Much Turkey?" Is this a bad time to mention I don't really even like turkey that much? Like it's fine and all but I'll be damned if you see me roasting a Butterball in June. Turkey breast, macaroni and cheese, bacon, tomato, on white. #sandwich #sandwiches #hatewich #sandwichporn #wichlife #turkey #thanksgiving #leftovers #bacon #cheddar #cheese #macncheese #eats #foodpic #instafood #grub #lunch #foodporn #foodgasm #foodsexbetweenconsentingadults (at Logan Square)

I've always been perplexed by the absurdly homogeneous nature of Japanese steakhouses. Seeing as how the average meal they serve is about as rooted in an actual culinary tradition as a Doritos Locos Taco washed down with a Baja Blast Mountain Dew, there's no reason that every single one you walk into is going to be almost exactly the same. Yet I can go into any Japanese steakhouse anywhere in the country and know that a shrimp is getting flipped into my mouth, an onion stack is getting set on fire, and that I'm going to continually demand more shrimp sauce until the chef and everyone else at the table becomes noticeably uncomfortable. Hibachi chicken, zucchini, onion, shrimp sauce (or yum yum sauce or whatever the fuck you want to call that delicious, delicious abomination unto the lord), on a hoagie roll. #sandwich #sandwiches #hatewich #sandwichporn #wichlife #hibachi #chicken #hibachichicken #japanesesteakhouse #zucchini #onion #shrimpsauce #yumyumsauce #hoagie #lunch #grub #foodpic #instafood #foodporn #foodgasm #foodbukkake (at Chicago, Illinois)

Look I did a thing with seasonally appropriate candy on it because that's who I am and that's what I care about. This evening I'll be continuing the celebration by turning my lights off and blasting pornhub audio out an open window so parents hurriedly usher their lil' trick-or-treaters away from my place before they even put their sticky little hands on my doorbell. Happy Halloween! Chocolate chunk cookies, mint chip ice cream, Reese's Pieces #sandwich #sandwiches #hatewich #sandwichporn #wichlife #icecream #chocolatechipmint #icecreamsandwich #cookie #cookies #chocolatechipcookies #dessert #reeses #reesespieces #candy #halloween #eats #food #foodpic #instafood #grub #foodporn #foodgasm #foodscreamer (at Logan Square)

Do you ever look at a sandwich that you've made that you're really proud of and feel like a god-like creator for bringing it into existence but then you start thinking about it from the sandwich's perspective and how an incredible amount of things had to happen and come together for it to have such a brief and fleeting existence lived completely at the mercy of powers outside its control and that will be gone and forgotten long before any meaningful amount of time has passed? Long story short, I want "We are but sandwiches," written on my tombstone. I suppose I'd also be willing to settle for "fuck you, you fucking fucks," too. Ham, bacon, scrambled eggs, muenster, refried black beans, tomato, lettuce, salsa verde, mayo, hoagie roll. #sandwich #sandwiches #hatewich #sandwichporn #pork #ham #bacon #wichlife #egg #eggs #salsaverde #mayo #beans #refriedbeans #breakfast #breakfastsandwich #eats #hoagie #lunch #grub #foodpic #realfood #instafood #foodporn #foodgasm #foodpupujujo (at Logan Square)

I have elected to make today a sort of personal therapy day. I watched Raiders of the Lost Ark, played Wolfenstein, and I'm thinking Inglorious Basterds later. Oh and cheeseburgers, gotta have cheeseburgers. Double burger with bacon, Chihuahua cheese, black bean and corn Pico, mayo, on potato bun #sandwich #sandwiches #hatewich #sandwichporn #burger #hamburger #cheeseburger #burgerporn #baconcheeseburger #bacon #cheese #mayonnaise #eats #lunch #grub #foodpic #foodstagram #instafood #foodporn #foodgasm #foodfeltch (at Chicago, Illinois)