#glossophobia

Public speaking is a part of having good communication skills, skills that are widely applicable, so they are definitely worth working on. When I taught public speaking skills in the past, I used to say: If you don't get nervous about it, you'll never be good at it. Even the most confident speakers get nervous. If you don't get nervous, it means that you're utterly clueless about what's really happening between you and the audience.

While being nervous is normal, being anxious to the point of paralysis is problematic. Fear of public speaking is quite common, but not everyone suffers from it to the same degree or for the same reasons. In many cases, public speaking is merely a trigger of anxiety but not the true cause of it, i.e., it's just masking a deeper fear or set of fears that have remained unaddressed or buried in the unconscious. Public speaking is very triggering because, when things don't go well, your deeper psychological issues might get exposed, not only to you, which is painful enough, but also to the world at large (for judgment and ridicule).

To reduce the fear enough for you to perform well, you have to tackle the root cause(s). Examples of deeper causes/issues:

- Poor Verbal Ability: To speak fluently is a skill that needs to be practiced like any other skill. Imagine if actors never rehearsed their lines or never tried different ways of delivering their lines for maximum impact. I bet you wouldn't want to watch that production. Are you getting enough practice to get fluent and feel confident in your speaking ability?

- A Disorganized Mind: What is the message that you are trying to communicate to the audience? If you're not clear about what it is, no one else will be, either. If necessary, improve your critical thinking skills so that you know how to make concise and effective statements, construct a strong argument, organize your supporting points, and quickly summarize your message.

- Poor Stress Management Skills: Do you know that nerves can help rather than hinder you? The best public speakers channel their nerves into excitement and enthusiasm, which allows them to connect with the audience emotionally. To achieve this, you have to understand how to read the negative signs of stress in your body and repurpose them into passion. Stress is really just adrenaline, an entirely neutral source of energy. How do you choose to use that energy? For flight or fight? It is a choice you're making.

- Inflexibility: Do you fear freezing up or your mind going blank? The best public speakers have the ability to improvise and play with the energy/ideas that arise moment to moment. Trying too hard to stick to a strict script means abandoning your creativity. When you speak in front of many people, anything can happen. In the thick of things, preparation is a good fallback, but it won't help you as much as adaptability. There are all kinds of little strategies you can use to get over difficult moments, such as: humor, anecdotes, pausing for dramatic effect, smiling and regrouping, reconnecting with your passion. Adaptability means that you can quickly bring ALL your resources to bear on a problem. Always remember that there's more than one way to do something.

- Perfectionism: This is an extreme form of inflexibility. Perfectionists often obsess about details, but they end up focusing on the wrong things. As a result, they tend to miss the point of the activity and suck the fun out of everything. Some people even take pride in their perfectionism because they equate it with "commitment" or "devotion", as though they care more than everyone else. Perfectionism is actually an unhealthy defense mechanism, a destructive way to cope with anxiety. A perfectionist has poor emotional intelligence, in that they are unable to embrace their own vulnerability, which means that they must constantly be throwing up walls to hide from it and hide it from others. What they don't understand is that embracing vulnerability is precisely the openness that is needed to connect well with people and adapt well in social situations.

- Fear of Failure: Do you focus too much on the outcome, as opposed to appreciating the process or enjoying the challenge? If so, you won't be present enough to speak well. Do you have clear and realistic standards for evaluating the success of your speech? If not, you'll feel bad about the outcome no matter what happens because the goal posts were never set properly. Public speaking is an art, not a science. Art is subjective. There's no way to speak such that every person in the audience will be affected the same way. Set clear, feasible, and tangible goals for your performance. Put more thought into the process or journey of getting there. What do you hope to get out of the experience, in terms of your learning and growth?

- Low Self-Esteem: Your level of self-esteem is largely determined by the beliefs you hold about yourself. Examine your self-talk and become more aware of your beliefs. What negative beliefs hold you back from performing well? Are you holding on stubbornly to negative beliefs because they help keep you "safe", but at the huge cost of your personal growth? Are you able to challenge those beliefs and change them when you realize that they're holding you back? If you suffer from extremely low self-esteem, perhaps you need to get some professional help from a cognitive-behavioral therapist.

- Social Anxiety Disorder: Social anxiety is labeled a "disorder" when it becomes problematic enough to affect your daily functioning, preventing you from living the life that you hope to live. Anxiety disorders have genetic and neurological factors that may benefit from pharmacological intervention. Consult with a professional if social anxiety disorder underlies your fear of public speaking. That said, cognitive and emotional factors also play an important role in the development of social anxiety disorder. Examine the underlying negative beliefs and emotional management problems that exacerbate your anxiety, preferably with the help of a therapist.

- Fear of Rejection: Do you have trust or abandonment issues? Do you need everyone to like you? Most of the time, public speaking situations are "work" situations, which means that getting people to like you shouldn't be the main focus or goal. Perhaps you need to learn how to set better emotional boundaries in order to adapt better to different social situations. Ensure that you understand the difference between personal and professional relationships so that you don't set up inappropriate expectations of people. If it helps, you can de-personalize the situation by using a persona on stage, like an actor. There's nothing wrong with putting on a persona to help manage your fears, it is a work tool like any other, as long as you remain clear that it's not who you really are and you're still capable of being authentic within your personal relationships.

- Excessive Shame: Shame serves as an emotional punishment for immoral behavior, in essence, you feel like a bad person when you do something bad. However, some people, Fs especially, tend to suffer from excessive or irrational shame when they have a shallow, distorted, or misguided sense of morality. They perceive every little mistake as a grave moral transgression that leaves a negative mark on them for all to see. When you use such harsh and merciless standards to evaluate your worth, you tend to assume that others do as well, and then it is no wonder that you come to fear being judged. Fear of being judged by others is rooted in the way that you judge yourself. Bring to light the standards that you use to judge yourself. Are those standards fair, reasonable, and compassionate? Do you allow yourself the space and time to learn at a realistic pace? If not, change your standards, or else you will keep punishing yourself for no good reason. If you don't want to feel like a bad person, choose to be a kind and compassionate person instead, but that journey begins by being kind and compassionate to yourself first and foremost.

- Emotionally Closed: Being bad at public speaking is one reason to dread it. Some people are terrible public speakers because they ignore or overlook the huge emotional aspect of communication. Whether they admit it or not, humans are emotional creatures, easily swayed by emotions, often driven by emotions. Emotional intelligence is an integral part of being a good communicator and connecting with people. When you're talking to people, whether one-on-one or on a stage, are you tuned in to the emotional atmosphere or the emotions that pass from one person to another? If not, you won't be very adaptable in social situations, and you won't be able to advance your relationships due to being out of touch with people's emotional needs. If you're emotionally oblivious or closed-off, examine why, and remove the obstacles.