#trypanophobia

Had a Medical Trauma as a kid that slowly tapered down from “seeing a person in a white jacket triggers a meltdown so bad Mom has to take me off the bus” to “literally everything at the hospital is fine but hypodermic needles trigger a phobic reaction”.

It’s JUST hypodermic needles, too. I used to be able to do this party trick where I could stick a sewing needle like an inch into my face or chest no problem, but I still have a hard time HOLDING an EpiPen- my friends have to tell me when it’s safe to look after one appears in a movie.

Soft childhood brain just siphoned off ALL the “Danger Bad Times” from the event and slowly worked to pin it on one single medical thing that wasn’t even involved in the inciting event.

Like, the Big Trauma had nothing at all to do with needles, and I was fine with them until then.

Black Licorice

Update 8

Tell me, why is it that a minor's refusal to a treatment isn't taken seriously? Are we too not people? Do we too not deserve a say in what happens to our bodies? Is the opinion of the idiot who donated the egg or the sperm that made us worth more than what we think? Is it not enough to say no?

Zayne x nonmc female reader

Warnings: Heavy discussions and graphic mentions of needles and blood tests, trypanophobic people please read at your own risk! Lots of fluff and comfort, Zayne being an absolute green flag and loverboy.

Fear

Intense fear filled every cell in your body as you thought about the upcoming appointment you had at Akso hospital tomorrow. A fear so intense that your leg wouldn’t stop shaking- no wait, your whole body was, now that you realised. Goosebumps all over your body, teeth slightly chattering and eyes ready to burst into tears as your mind kept relaying the same information over and over.

A blood test.

Two days ago, Zayne, your beloved fiancé and the most respected doctor in Akso hospital had ever so gently cradled you in his arms, his voice soft and reverent as he broke the devastating news to you. And your reaction had been everything but calm. The instant flinch had caught him by surprise, your body’s fight or flight instincts kicking in as you almost made a run for it. Where? That you didn’t know, nor did you care about.

But then those familiar warm arms caught you, wrapping you in the sanctuary of love and reassurance he had gifted to you. He held you close to his chest, his deep voice so soft and loving, as if cooing a child.

“My jasmine..breathe. I assure you, it will be alright. I will be with you the whole time, okay? But please get the test done darling, you’ve been falling sick frequently. We need to know what’s wrong, right?”

“But…Zayne..” came out your shaky response, tears already soaking his shirt as your body began to tremble. “I know, my love. But please, be brave for me hm? You’re my strong girl, aren’t you?”

Gods, he always knew how to reassure you. And despite the fear that filled every fibre of your being, you mustered a weak nod. Zayne smiled so tenderly, hugging you tighter as he placed the softest kiss on your forehead. “Thank you, beloved. I assure you, I’ll make sure everything goes smoothly hm?”

Trypanophobia was a difficult phobia to have. All your adult life, any time you mentioned to people that needles scared you to death, they’d laugh mockingly, and the kinds of responses you got?

“Oh come on, that’s so childish!”

“It’s just a needle!”

“Come on, it doesn’t hurt that much, it feels like a pinch!”

Appalling, you’d think. And yet, those responses, even from medical professionals themselves, made you feel heavily insecure about yourself. Getting vaccinations alone was a nightmare, leaving you shaking, crying and humiliated. For this very reason, you avoided any kinds of health check ups, including a blood test. Sometimes the fear gripped at your being so intensely, your heart pounding so intensely that you were afraid you’d actually die.

But there was no one who ever understood you. Until Zayne entered your life.

The cold, stoic and highly intelligent cardiac surgeon of Akso Hospital. A man who had seen the worst of wounds, whose life revolved around surgeries and medical equipment. To him, a needle was trivial- non existent even. And yet, against all odds, it was he who understood your pain.

In fact, that was how you both happened to meet for the first time. An embarrassing yet wholesome moment in your life that you will forever cherish.

You had come to get a Tetanus vaccine at Akso Hospital three years ago, and it was the first time you were going there, hoping that the well known hospital’s staff would be at least a little more understanding than the rest. Not to mention, you had just shifted to Linkon, and to say that you were an anxious wreck was an understatement.

As you shakily sat down in the assigned area, you tried to keep yourself calm, but it proved to be more difficult than ever. And the moment the nurse came out with the tray that held the vaccine, it was as if a dam broke, and the next thing you knew was that you were having a panic attack. The nurse, oblivious to your phobia, tried to calm you down, but the problem was that she walked you through exactly what would happen. Basically, her injecting you.

And that was when you started to hyperventilate, thankfully no one could really see you because of the curtain drawn, but your sobs were very well audible.

Zayne had just happened to be in the area, doing his routine rounds where he was checking up on a patient, when his attentive ears picked up on the ruckus. Excusing himself, he made his way over to where you were, watching as two concerned nurses stood helplessly in front of your crying figure. He scanned the room, spotting the tray holding the vaccine, the tremor in your body, and the dots connected easily. You had trypanophobia, and a severe case of it.

Stepping in immediately, his deep and authoritative voice cut through the stress, as he instructed the nurses. “Please give us a moment, and take the tray with you. The patient seems to have a severe case of trypanophobia. I can handle this.”

The nurses complied immediately, and as the two of you were left alone, Zayne’s eyes softened seeing your state. You were so deep in the fear that even your surroundings weren’t audible to you, your body shaking intensely. He was no stranger to trypanophobia, it was very common in children. But seeing you this way made something deep down in his chest ache.

Ignoring everything else, he stepped forward towards you, sitting on one knee. That was when you felt two warm and big hands hold yours, as if anchoring you through the turmoil. A soothing voice spoke to you, ever so gently, grounding you. “It’s going to be okay, the nurses and needle are gone. Please, breathe.”

Your teary eyes opened, surprised by the gentleness. And that was when they bore into the most beautiful green and hazel eyes you had ever seen. Eyes that held no judgement, no anger. They were calm and serene, focused on you. And with his affirmative and reassuring guidance, you calmed down from your panic attack, your tears slowly drying down. For the first time in your life, someone had comforted you instead of mocking you, offering kindness instead of a sneer.

And as it happened, Zayne had been the one to administer the shot to you. Did you cry again? Yes. But did you also fall in love with this handsome and kind doctor? Absolutely.

That was how your love story began. Such a strange and embarrassing moment for you, and yet, now whenever Zayne looked back at that moment, a fond smile would appear on his lips. To him, you were never weak. You were simply someone who needed support. Everyone had their fear, and if needles were yours, then he would never judge you for it.

In these three years, Zayne accompanied you to every vaccine appointment. No matter how busy he was, no matter how tired he was. You were his love, his priority, and he would never leave you alone in your most vulnerable state. And thanks to his unwavering love and support, your fear actually began to fade, ever so slightly. After a whole year of dating, you began to visit him at the hospital, a place that you’d avoid like the plague. And Zayne couldn’t be happier, knowing how much this meant. It was the purest form of your love- braving such an intense fear if it meant seeing him for just ten minutes alone at times.

But now, it feels like all your progress has gone back to square one. The thought of a blood test terrifies you, makes you want to cry and hide. A normal vaccination lasts for a few seconds. A blood test though? Minutes. Long, agonising minutes. The fact that the entire needle would practically be in your arm, drawing out blood, was enough to make you feel like you were going to faint.

This very panicky state was what Zayne saw the moment he entered through the front door. And oh, the way his heart ached. He knew how difficult this was for you, and had been doing everything he could to help you feel better. But deep down he knew, it wouldn’t really work. That didn’t deter him at all though, as he immediately removed his coat, sitting on the couch and engulfing you in his warm embrace.

“Oh my snowflake..”

“Zaynie..” You let out a loud sob, clinging onto him desperately, soaking his shirt with your tears. His heart ached seeing your state, as he pulled you onto his lap, patting your head softly. “It’s okay, I’m here. Let it all out darling..”

You cried heavily, trembling fingers gripping onto his shirt, “I-I’m so scared…Zayne I’ll faint..oh god I’ll faint..”

“You won’t, i promise you won’t. I’ve got you sweetheart. Remember our breathing? Do it with me now..” With never ending patience, he placed your hand over his heart, guiding you to breathe, murmuring sweet nothings into your ear. And he meant every word when he said how much he loved you, and how brave you were in his eyes.

It was appalling to you, how he always managed to calm the storm within you down. Before you knew it, your breathing had slowed, the tremors softened, and your tense muscles had relaxed. He was your safe place, your home. With him, you knew you never had to be afraid.

“I..I’m sorry for being like this..” you spoke, voice broken and tired from the crying. Zayne swore he felt his very soul break due to your apology, as he kisses your tears away, cupping your cheeks and making you look into those beautiful eyes of his.

“Don’t ever apologise for being afraid. Your fear is valid, your emotions are justified. And despite it all, you’re still being so brave for me. I’m so proud of you darling..”

Oh, those words were your undoing.

Immediately, you hugged him tight, relief and gratitude filling in your heart. “Oh Zaynie…I’m so lucky to have you..” In response, you heard that soft chuckle, filled with love, strong arms wrapping around you. “I’m the lucky one. I have the most wonderful fiancé ever.”

And in an instant, your cheeks flushed pink. Being his fiancé felt so surreal, and every time he said it, the giddiness in your heart threatened to explode and turn you into a lovebug. Or perhaps, you already are one. You nuzzled into his cheek, an adorable habit you both share, then kissing it. The earlier tears were replaced by a big smile, your mind which was once filled with chaos, now quiet and serene. You looked at him, tenderly caressing his cheek.

“I love you..”

Zayne’s eyes softened in a way they only do for you, his smile growing fonder as he placed a soft peck on your lips, whispering, “I love you too, my brave girl.”

You smiled and leaned into his embrace, feeling so safe and taken care of. He started to caress your hair, speaking, “I’ve already arranged everything for tomorrow, hm? We will be in my office, the nurses who usually administer your vaccines are highly skilled and I’ve made all the arrangements. Everything will be alright, okay?”

You nodded softly in response, believing him fully. No matter how intense your fear was, if Zayne was with you, you knew you’d be alright. He wouldn’t let any harm come to you. And so with the safety that his reassurance provided, you let yourself fall asleep, surrounded by his love in your own little world. Tomorrow would be difficult, but you would be okay.

hi anon!! this is right in my wheelhouse as someone who also has a severe fear of needles. i’m literally on the national registry of people banned from donating blood/plasma because my panic attacks are so intense. it’s one of those things where different things will work for different people, so i’ll give you a a bunch of ideas of things that have helped both me and patients in my practice, and i’d love to hear ideas from followers too!!

deep breathing. sounds cheesy, but the act of slow, controlled breathing will physically trigger your body to relax. ask your dentist to do the injection as you’re exhaling, as this is when your body is at its most relaxed state. the more relaxed you are, the less painful the injection is. this is how i usually get through any shots i need!!

have someone, whether it’s someone who comes to the appointment with you or the dental assistant, hold your hand or rub your shoulder. having a tactile anchor gives you something else to focus on and will help ground you.

headphones are also a great tool! play something that brings you comfort at the highest volume you can tolerate. when i had my root canal, i listened to the mamma mia soundtrack, and i barely even cried!

some people prefer to have their provider move slowly and explain each step of what they’re doing, while others prefer to have them just shut up and get it done quickly. i’m in the latter camp, personally. communicate to your dentist which is more helpful for you, and as long as you’re respectful about it, they should be happy to oblige!

this is more of a long term suggestion, but practicing radical acceptance has changed my life. it’s been part of my therapy work for some time now, and it’s really difficult at first, but it can really make a difference. essentially, you have to accept that the shot (or whatever other unpleasant event) is going to suck, and you are going to hate it, but it will only last a few minutes at most and you will get through it. practicing this has actually reduced my anticipatory anxiety a TON, because i know i don’t have to put on a happy face or pretend it’s going to be fine. i can feel my feelings, i can cry, whatever feels right in the moment. the important thing is reminding myself that it’s a temporary discomfort that i will survive. this usually involves explaining to the doctor “i’m going to cry when you do this, just ignore it and do your job, i will get through it.”

however, do make sure you’re staying still. a moving target will make it more difficult for the dentist to get the injection in the right spot, which will probably make your experience that much more unpleasant. this goes hand in hand with the deep breathing; that should help keep you still enough that the dentist can hit the target the first time.

this one may sound silly, but i’ve found that if i close my eyes, i can sometimes imagine that i’m not getting a shot at all. when i feel the pinch of the needle, sometimes i ask myself in my mind “oh, what’s that? that’s a strange sensation! it could be anything!” and essentially keep that mental chatter going for the thirty seconds or so that it takes for them to finish the injection. a lot of times it’s the visual that’s more terrifying than the actual pain of the shot, and it can be more of a mind game than anything to try to stop that panic from building.

try to remind yourself that you’re not the only person that has this fear, and that your dentist has probably seen plenty of people who are scared of the numbing shot. there’s nothing to feel embarrassed or ashamed about. in fact, you’re being super brave for getting your fillings done even though it’s scary!! know that not only i, but the entire community we have here on toothtalk, are so proud of you!!!

i hope one or more of these ideas is helpful to you, and please let me know how it goes for you!! and remember, if your fear starts to stop you from getting your dental work done altogether, there are options such as sedation dentistry that exist for that exact reason. my practice offers sedation and we have a ton of incredibly anxious patients who absolutely love it; some people even drive from up to 4 hours away to get their work done under sedation!!! the most important thing is to find what works for you, and what enables you to care for yourself effectively. you are awesome and YOU GOT THIS!!!!!