#becomingmyself

Tomorrow I meet with my therapist for another session talking about my gender confusion. Recently, I met a girl on tumblr that’s from here who is dating a transman... She’s been really cool and we are planning to meet this weekend after she invited me out for her birthday celebration with her, her boyfriend, and a few of her other friends. I’m really excited. We just connected so quickly here and it’s the first time in a long time where I feel like I’m seen. I told her, after we added each other to every social media, about me questioning being trans and that I wanted to talk to her about it since she’s currently in a relationship with her ftm partner. It’s been really interesting hearing her side and her struggles with like feeling like she’s losing the person she’s loved for over 3 years. I expressed to her how much it scares me to get out there and date if I am trans and undergo hormone therapy, because who’s going to want to date me? She was really reassuring and told me that my personality was really bright and vibrant, and that someday soon, someone will see that as everything, and won’t care about my gender. Talking to her has been really cool and her and I are similar in so many ways. Aside from just having her to talk to about the trans issues, she’s also just someone I’m excited to hang out with and befriend here in Seattle. On another note, I hung out with someone I am very intrigued by this past weekend. She’s very smart, very intellectual, and very interesting to talk to, in general. She just got out of a 6 year relationship with a trans man and so we’ve briefly talked about that part of her own life. I held myself back from telling her my own questioning of my gender, not becauseI didn’t think she’d accept it, but because it almost felt like she was past that and ready for something like, simple...and normal. I really actually am drawn to this girl...and she’s like so way out there for me...like I never would have thought to like someone with her style... She’s so introverted naturally and just downright dark and into some really weird shit lol but she’s so cool to me.. Anyways, this past weekend, I told her and she was super caring and receptive. She held me, asked me if I wanted her to change my pronouns, and I told her I appreciated it but that I was no where ready for that. The next day after, she kept calling me handsome... And, not gonna lie, it felt weird. I like being called beautiful, I like being called pretty.... But handsome is a new one... I guess I don’t feel handsome? Throw on a beard, a deepening in my voice, and maybe that would change how I feel? I just feel so in the dark with all these thoughts and there’s so many, but slowly and surely it’s becoming a greater topic of discussion, I’m becoming more open in accepting it, and I’m taking the steps I need in order to begin feeling comfortable and less awkward about becoming my authentic self. I’m so so so happy and impressed with the support I’ve gotten and I love everyone who has been so open and receptive to these thoughts. It means so much more than I could ever express.

and space feels a lot like breathing for the first time.

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- L.S.K

Something miraculous had happened! I'm tackling some spring cleaning today and went through all my clothes. Normally, trying on everything would have been upsetting, every piece of clothing thsg didn't fit sending me deeper and deeper into a tailspin of self-hate. But this morning, I cheerfully got rid of each piece of clothing that no longer fit or I no longer wanted. It became a celebration of self, each piece I let go of was me letting go of what I no longer needed or which no longer served me. I love when that happens! #springcleaning #letitgo #becomingmyself https://www.instagram.com/p/CPOHkAOndCt/?utm_medium=tumblr

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Shedding & un-learning, growing in authenticity, that's what this cocooning process has been about for me. Becoming more me. 🦋 ❤🧡💛💚💙💜 #MEtamorphosis #authenticaf #becomingmyself #realme #goddessmode #divinepurpose #energyhealing #bodymindspirit #levelupyourlife #growthgamestrong #lightworker #shadowworker #loveyourselffirst #ascension #selflove #selfempowerment #lovemylife #raiseyourvibration #divineguidance #interstellarguidance #messagesfromthedivine (at San Diego, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/BnkOVMLgH8H/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1g9fbfpr9sw31