Symbolism System

I first want to start with answering anon's question, then I will go into more detail about safe sex practices, safe kink practices, what "drops" are, and how to manage emotions after sex as a sexual trauma survivor.

To answer anon's question as honestly as I can: the first time you decide to bring up sex with someone it will almost always be a little awkward, especially if it's not a topic you're experienced in speaking about. Part of being ready to engage in sexual behavior is being able to overcome this awkwardness in order to have safe and comfortable communications with your sexual partner. It will be awkward. You will probably blush and get flustered. If it's too overwhelming to speak about in person at first, go ahead and bring it up over text. (Though eventually it is something you will have to talk about it person. Texting is just a way you can break the ice to feel more comfortable talking about it in person.)

You can go about this a couple of ways. First, you can be upfront and just say "I'm sexually attracted to you and want to have a conversation about this, as I think I'm willing to experience this with you." (or whatever wording you deem best) Second, you can be a little more flirty and see if they respond well, and slowly keep getting more and more suggestive until you finally say "hey, so all this flirting we've been doing, it makes me want to actually do something with you, I want to have a conversation about it. Do you feel similarly?"

Don't worry about coming off too strong, and if the person in question feels like you're coming off too strong, that probably means they're not ready yet and that's a sign to dial it back either until they feel ready OR completely switch gears and drop the subject completely. As always, the first rule to safe sex is enthusiastic consent, and if they're not feeling it then the subject is over unless they bring it up again. Do not keep pestering them or badgering them about it. Do not keep flirting with them if it makes them uncomfortable. Do not keep putting them in a situation in which they have to keep turning you down. If you get turned down, the subject needs to be done unless they bring it up themselves later. Some people are not into sex, some people might not be into you when you are into them, and some people just might not be ready to explore that and you MUST respect that. Respect, adhering to boundaries, etc, is PARAMOUNT to a fun and comfortable sexual experience with someone.

When I say "don't worry about coming off too strong" I mainly mean it in a "being direct is important, because if you don't make it clear that it's what you want, they may not understand that's where you're going until it's happening and by then they may be too nervous to speak up and set boundaries/back out of the situation." Make your intentions clear. It's okay to have intentions as long as you make them known. It's not a bad thing to be sexually attracted to someone and vocalize it, as long as they are comfortable with it. Something to keep in mind is to always be checking in with the other party, both over text and in person (though I'll go over what that looks like in person later in this post) so that everyone feels comfortable with what's happening. "Is it okay that I said this?" after you say something flirty or sexual is GOOD. "How are you feeling about all of this, it's not too overwhelming, is it?" is GOOD. "Are you enjoying this?" is GOOD. Required, even. It's so important to make sure everyone involved is having a good time. Trust me, it will make the sexual experience so much better.

I want to add, if you have a long distance partner or person you are flirting with and all of your sexual experiences have to happen over text or video, all of these rules still apply. Aftercare after sexting is important too! Just because it's not entirely physical doesn't mean that someone doesn't need to be checked in with emotionally. I'll go into aftercare in a bit.

That being said, say they respond positively to this text or in-person assertion that you want to have sex. What now?

It's important to lay down ground rules. People like to say discussions over sex take the fun out of it or "ruin the moment" but it's so not true. There is definitely a way to make this conversation fun and enticing, and it builds tension and excitement for what's to come, which can make the experience even better. On top of that, you'll know exactly what they like and what they don't want in an experience, so both of you can be informed on how to make this experience fun. Sex should be fun! Even the most intimate and tender moments and the most intense and passionate moments will still be fun. It SHOULD be fun. If you're into kink, it should be fun! If you're not having fun, you're not comfortable enough, and that's a discussion you need to have with your sexual partner.

Nervousness is normal, even if you've done it before, but you should never be feeling so nervous that you're sick or uncomfortable. That's a sign from your body that you maybe need to take a step back and reevaluate if you are really ready for something like that. Intimacy doesn't just have to be sex. There's a saying that some folks like to use is that "foreplay starts at breakfast" and that doesn't mean that you're making sexual comments or rubbing up on anyone during breakfast. It means that lingering eye contact over a cup of coffee, gazing at your partner while you make food together/eat food together, a gentle touch of the hand on the shoulder or waist, engaging and stimulating conversations that make you enjoy their company more, etc. Foreplay is not just touching sexually. It can be as simple as a coy smile over a cup of coffee, or complimenting how their eyes light up when they talk. If sexual contact is not in the cards for you right now, casual intimacy like that might be more your speed until you feel ready to engage in something more. Never feel rushed to complete a sexual act. Never feel like you "have" to do it because your partner wants it. If your partner is making you feel like you have to rush your timeline and be ready for them, they are not being a good partner and you need to either set firm boundaries or leave them because that's a hot mess of trauma waiting to happen.

So how should this first conversation go?

Talk about what you both want out of a sexual experience. If you're a queer couple with matching or similar sex characteristics, it doesn't necessarily mean that what feels good for you feels good for them. If you're a system like I am, with multiple sexually active parts, what will feel good for one alter might not feel the same for another. I personally don't really enjoy oral sex. I don't dislike it, I just don't get a lot of enjoyment from it. Meanwhile, another alter REALLY enjoys it and if they are having sex with their partner, they will want it anytime they are engaging in sex together. Some of our alters get little to no pleasure from penetration (with either fingers, a dildo, or another sexual organ) but still enjoy it because of the closeness, while others hate it and don't want it at all, while others derive a LOT of pleasure from such an act and will want it every time they are having sex with their partners. We have alters in our system who have sex with both partners fully clothed. (sex is not just penetration for the love of all that is holy, get that out of your head) We have others who prefer no clothes or some clothes, depending on certain areas they may not want to feel bare-skin to bare-skin or for other reasons. (eg, some might prefer to keep a shirt on because they don't want to see our chest or be touched on their chest during sex because it's dysphoric for them) Every single person (or alter, if you are a system) will enjoy sex differently, is mainly what I'm trying to say. Which is why this first conversation about what you both enjoy or want out of the sexual experience is vital.

Some things to consider in this first conversation that are important to talk about are:

-what areas do you like to be touched the most?

-what areas are absolute no-gos? (Like, we have an alter who used to have a major no-go on his neck because of trauma. Our partner cannot be touched on her back at all. Our other partner cannot kiss directly on the lips because of trauma, etc)

-what have you always wanted to try?

-what's something you've considered trying but are nervous to do so?

-safe words (yes, even vanilla sex needs a safe word) If safe words are difficult (because they definitely can be with sexual trauma) look into the "traffic light" method (green is good, yellow means "I'm a little shaky/let's change things up," red is stop). If colors are triggering to say, we came up with a different system with a past partner which was called a "storm" system. (sunny is good, raining is "I'm a little shaky/let's change things up," storming means stop)

-any other major boundaries that you want to set (I can't be on top, I don't like being on my back, I can't do penetration, I can't handle hands on my throat, etc)

-how each partner will handle the other needing to stop (what we usually say is "if you need to be done, that's okay. As soon as you say we are done, we are done. We can put our clothes on, and it's over. If you feel comfortable with it, I can hold you and we can talk about it. If you don't want that, we can find something to do together to wind down from whatever overwhelmed you and made you feel like you needed to stop. You will never be in trouble if you need to stop. I will never be upset with you if you need to stop, even if it's right in the middle when everything was feeling good. I don't need to be done first for you to be done. At that point, my pleasure doesn't matter, only your comfort and safety. If you need to be done, we are done.")

This conversation may seem awkward and almost too direct if you're not experienced in having this conversation, but it's so, so important. Trust me when I say that laying down this foundation will make the experience way more fun, way less scary, and will open a lot of doors to fun stuff to do. Having these conversations with my partners has opened a lot of doors to things we would have never thought to try but ended up loving because she wanted to try it and we were open to doing so. There are some things our partners are into that we cannot or will not do, and we vocalize that, and they both accept such things. ("I have this thing I want to try" "Oh, I'm not into that and I don't really want to try it, sorry" "that's okay! It'll stay a fantasy")

After you've laid that groundwork, you're ready to go whenever you both feel comfortable. Always use protection. If you're doing anal sex, make sure you prep properly or nobody is going to have a good time. If you've never done oral sex, try looking up tips on how to do it well online, then while you're doing those things, keep checking in with your partner to see if they enjoy what you're doing. Check in all the time while you're doing the act. All. The. Time. It's not unsexy. Trust when I say that having your partner say in a low voice "How does this feel?" or "Does that feel good?" is really hot.

On a side note, talking sexy is an art and if you're inexperienced, you will totally fumble your words. Like, a lot. We're pretty experienced in sexy talk and we still fumble our words and it's embarrassing sometimes. Just laugh it off and/or correct what you mean to say without missing a beat and it will be fine, trust me. Our most put-together gatekeeper alter does kind of kinky dom stuff sometimes and even he stumbles over his words and he hates how goofy it sounds sometimes, but both parties just laugh it off or he corrects himself and we both move on in the scene. It happens. It's funny, it's embarrassing, but it's not a big deal unless you make it a big deal. You will so rarely say everything perfectly every time because it's genuinely nerve wracking sometimes! And it can be hard to come up with good responses to what your partner is saying sometimes! It isn't a big deal, truly.

Now that I've brought up kinky stuff, let's talk about kinky stuff.

Just like with vanilla sex, communication and conversation beforehand is key. If you're doing anything related to pain, testing limits before the event or during the event is important. For example, if you're going to be stepping on someone, start gentle and ask if that amount of pressure is okay. If they want more, give them more and then ask again. If they want more, repeat until they get to the limit that they want to experience and then stick with that. If they decide that's too much, let off. If you're going to be doing impact related stuff, make sure you look up safe places to do impact related stuff. There are charts out there that map out the body for where it is safe to hit or kick. Start soft and then work your way up to the limit your partner is willing to handle for that event. If you are the person getting hit or stepped on, communicate often. Remind your partner that what they are doing feels good, that you want it, etc. As someone who has alters who dom like this sometimes, they can get really in their head about hurting their partner and worrying they don't like it/don't want it, so communication is key. If at any point EITHER PARTY (both the hitter and the receiver) decides they don't like what's happening, you MUST communicate and stop immediately. Yes, doms, you are also allowed to stop if you don't like what's happening. And submissives, your dom is not a pleasure machine and respecting their boundaries is important too. I say this because I feel like dominants are often left out of the equation when it comes to having boundaries and receiving aftercare and we gotta cut that shit out. It can be extremely difficult to dom. It requires constant focus and care. It requires constantly watching your submissive's reactions to make sure they're doing okay. It's mentally and physically taxing, and it's okay to need to stop.

Now, as a survivor of torture related sexual abuse, kink is something that we have to tread on lightly. I'm sure any of you can imagine how easy it would be to get into reenacting territory. There are some kinds of reenactment that are okay. Replicating some things is okay, as long as you're in a good headspace and you have someone who is experienced with you. It can be extremely empowering to experience something similar to what you've been through and have the power and control in the situation rather than having no power or control. For example, if an alter in our system has trauma related to being in a certain position and they choose to be in that position, it can feel incredible to be able to do that and have the power to say no if they ever decide they want to. Our partner is extremely aware that at any time we may need to stop and she stops instantly when we do. Having that power to end something can be extremely empowering to some alters. However, there are some times where reenacting can go in a different direction. If you are getting into a trauma-time headspace where saying no is difficult, that's a good sign that you're entering a reenacting territory that isn't safe for your mental health. Both partners (dom or sub) need to be watchful and aware of their partner's reactions to what's happening and check in often when engaging in something that might be a little triggering. (MAKE SURE YOUR PARTNER KNOWS YOU ARE ENGAGING IN SOMETHING THAT IS A LITTLE TRIGGERING OMG! COMMUNICATE!!) If you see signs of dissociation or checking out, asking if everything is okay is necessity. If you see signs of fawning or being unable to say no, stopping immediately is probably a good idea. Needing to stop is okay. Respecting your partner's need to stop is required. It doesn't matter if you're still hard or you haven't finished yet or you want to keep going, if your partner needs to stop, the act needs to be over immediately. That's all I've got to say on that.

Speaking of finishing/orgasming, please get it out of your head that both partners need to finish every time. Or that anyone needs to finish at all. That's not always the required end goal and that's okay. It takes our system a VERY long time to finish, often to a degree that we will get frustrated and it will make it even harder to do so, so we often prefer to not make that our end goal. Our end goal is to have fun and feel good in the moment, whether that means we orgasm or not. If you are someone that takes a long time but you want to orgasm, you need to communicate to your partner that you want them to spend extra time on you. If you don't communicate this and your partner is done and you aren't feeling satisfied with the encounter, it's going to cause resentment to build. Your partner cannot read your mind. You have to say it. Even if it's awkward. And folks, if your partner hasn't orgasmed yet but they haven't verbalized that they want that, ASK THEM! It can be hard to ask your partner to keep going if they have already orgasmed and/or are tired after the act. If you are too tired, it's okay to need to be done, but next time it may be important to try to help them get to the finish line first so they don't feel like their needs aren't being met every single time. Both partners are supposed to enjoy the process and feel like their needs are being met, and if they aren't, you both have to communicate to find a way to fix that.

The last thing I want to talk about is aftercare. IT IS REQUIRED. FOR ALL TYPES OF SEX, KINKY OR NOT. Sexting, in person vanilla sex, and kinky sex all require some form of aftercare. Each type of sex will require different things or have limitations, such as the inability to provide physical comfort when doing things over long distance.

Some of the most basic aftercare things that are really important are:

-checking in on your partner. How are they feeling mentally? Physically? What did they enjoy? What did they not enjoy? What can you both do differently next time to make it better? Try not to take things too personally. If you did something your partner didn't like, accept the critique and just know not to do that next time. Having critiques doesn't mean you're a "bad lay" for fuck's sake. Lol. I've seen some wild takes on this before, if you can't tell.

-if in person, holding each other afterwards and giving gentle touches can be really nice for some folks.

-giving words of affirmation are important. Things like "I really enjoyed when you did this" or "you did a great job today" or "you looked so amazing when you did this" etc etc. Positive affirmations make the experience so much better.

-if physical touch after sex isn't really your thing, putting on a movie together or watching youtube videos you both enjoy are a great way to wind down afterwards. It's important to slowly bring down the "high" otherwise "drops" can occur and that can be difficult for everyone involved.

-everyone has got to piss after sex if penetration was involved, no exceptions. Even if y'all were wearing condoms. Don't go getting UTIs please.

-DRINK WATER! Drink some juice too, if you have it. Something with a bit of sugar in it. Powerade/Gatorade works well too. You just burned a lot of energy and your body needs nourishment. As an extra aside, if you and your partner tend to engage in sex that lasts a long time, water breaks in between action is always a good idea. Please don't get dehydrated while having sex. It's not a fun experience for anyone. If you have snacks available, a snack or even a full meal may also be good. Making food together afterwards is something our system personally enjoys doing when we're able to!

-if you did kink with impact play or anything related to pain, it's important to treat whatever wounds have occured. I can do a separate post on this, if anyone needs it. Wound care is so important. Helping each other recover is important. Don't just leave one person to their own devices to care for their own wounds. That's a dick move and you suck if you do that.

Aftercare is an immensely personal thing for everyone, so even this basic list won't be exactly what everyone needs. Communication is key. What do you need in this moment? What does your partner need? It will be a learning experience if you're new to this stuff, and you'll both eventually create a good aftercare routine that works for you in time. Sex is one of the most physically vulnerable things you can do with someone, and it can make a lot of emotions run high. Try to help your partner get off that high as gently as you can, so a comfortable recovery occurs. Not doing this can result in a "drop" which I will explain next.

It is normal to experience drops after sexual encounters, especially kink-related ones where emotions are high and neurochemicals are firing intensely. They can occur during, right after, or even days to a week after the event.

It's important to monitor yourself and your partner for these signs of a drop:

-mood swings, such as going from very happy and euphoric to feeling down or irritable

-anxiety symptoms, such as feeling restless or uneasy or vulnerable

-depression or guilt

-physical symptoms, such as fatigue, headache, nausea, racing heart

While not true for everyone, sub drop usually results in the feelings of ultra vulnerability and anxiety (feeling exposed, feeling fragile, etc) while dom drops usually tend to swing in the direction of guilt, anxiety for the sub's wellbeing, and depression. This shit can hit you like a truck out of nowhere, and it doesn't mean that anyone failed or "didn't do a good job." It's okay to feel like this after a really intense sexual event, and it's very important to talk to your partner about it and receive further comfort, positive affirmations, and aftercare from them.

For those with trauma history, emotions can run in especially erratic directions after sex. You may sometimes not even realize something triggered you until much later, when the positive emotions of the event fade and the trauma responses kick in. You can sometimes end up feeling gross, or like you need to take a shower or get clean, or feel guilt and/or shame related to the sexual event. This is okay to feel this way, just remember to talk to your partner about it. If you're in a situation where you don't feel like you can talk to your partner about it (feel unsafe, feel worried they'll be offended or get mad, etc) then they aren't a safe partner to be engaging in sexual acts in. It's okay if your partner is sad or upset that they triggered you, but they shouldn't put the blame on you for it, and they additionally shouldn't put extra blame on themselves and beat themselves up over it forever. Triggers during sex will almost certainly happen at some point or another, and it's important that all parties feel safe to communicate so that it doesn't happen again.

Some little extra notes that I couldn't fit in to the main body of text but still want to include:

-asexual people can still engage in sex and kink, but not everyone will enjoy things like that. If you're ace and you don't like the idea of physical sexual intimacy but find kink intriguing, there's tons of asexual people out there doing kink stuff and loving it.

-pillow princesses/princes/royalty are not "lazy" and everyone has their own personal reasons/preferences for doing so. Some people do it because the thought of touching others is unappealing (or even triggering) while receiving sex is okay for them. Don't judge them. They're lovely. Like any group of people, some can be assholes and expect everyone to cater to their needs while ignoring others' needs, but this is a minority.

-on the other side of the coin, stone tops (tops who do not want to be touched but enjoy giving pleasure to others) are wonderful and their boundaries should be respected. Some will not want to take their clothes off and that should be respected. They are not prudes and if you try to pressure them to let you touch them I'm gonna kick your ass.

-while I briefly mentioned this, sex does not have to equal penetration. Sex can be anything you deem to be sex. It doesn't even have to involve touching each other sexually or even kissing. Some kink involves absolutely zero touching of genitals or lips and that's still sex if you want it to be. Sex can be grinding with clothes on. Sex can be biting each other with sexual intent but no touching. It can really be anything if you open your mind to it. Denormalize puritan views of "sex is penis in vagina" in your brain expeditiously.

-I talked about this already, but sexual intimacy is not the only intimacy. Exploring other types of intimacy can be just as exciting or even more exciting than sex. Find out what kinds of non-sexual intimacy you/your partner enjoys and go nuts.

-stop judging people for their kinks. It's not something people can control. Being an OEA survivor means we have some pretty extreme and difficult to understand kinks that even we despise having, and it's not something we can control. Extremely violent sexual acts were very normalized from a very young age for us, and that wired our brain to enjoy those things, even if they're things that we cannot ever do in normal life or wouldn't actually enjoy doing if we did get to do them. I'm talking like, really violent and objectively fucked up things. (like, beheading, as an easy to understand example. We witnessed this during sexual acts and now that's a kink that we hate. It sucks, it's not something we actually want, but it's there and we can't control that.) Trauma shapes the brain in really messed up ways sometimes and it's not anyone's fault. The important thing is that if you do have a kink like that and you know it's not something you can/should act on, don't fucking do that.

-go slow in everything you do, especially if you're a trauma survivor.

-if you engage in more casual sex, some of these things I've explained may not fully apply, but most of them still will. Communication is still important in casual encounters or you'll likely end up getting yourself in a situation where you're getting retraumatized by someone on accident. don't do this to yourself or to them. Just talk, please.

Alright, that's all I've got! If you have further questions, you can reply, DM me, or my ask box is open. I have anons off, so if it's a question you don't want posted publicly just let me know and I'll DM you to answer it. Just be aware that if you're a minor, I'm willing to talk about this in replies or public asks, just not DMs. I'm aware that minors have sex and I fully believe they should also receive safe sex education, I just don't feel comfortable talking about it with them in a private setting.

You are casually researching on your phone, suddenly you recognize the name of a place you had once been. You do not remember your time there. It's like someone cut a chunk of film off the reel. It was an entire year absolutely gone from your memory. Some days you wish for the memories back, you're curious. But you remind yourself that curiousity killed the cat; after all, you had been doing so well recently, and you'd hate to go backwards in your recovery. You impulsively start sinking into a rabbit hole, researching everything to do with the organization's name. Gradually, with each site, you fall into older and more obscure archives.

You read a single phrase and your heart drops to your stomach.

"...reports of torture and severe abuse..."

You wake up. You check the time. It's been an hour since you had researched. What happened to the time? Why can't you remember? It's all gone. It's all blacked out.

At least you have the evidence you were abused? You look around for your notebook. You spot it on the other side of the room; you open it only to realize all of your notes had been ripped out and dissapeared. All your research tabs are closed.

Every time you try to access the memories, it's like you're a dove flying head first for a foggy glass wall. You panic.

You try to speak. You have to tell someone, right? You need help. But nothing comes out. Dread fills your turning stomach and the room begins to spin. Nobody can help you. You're trapped in your own mind. A zoo animal kept in a small cage. You don't even know the barriers; you know there must be more, it's so much more complex. But, you're hopeless and ignorant.

You can look me in the eyes and tell me this is fun. RAMCOA/OEA isn't a quirky label. It's a wound that extends far past bone.

1: ramcoa programs, as they are described, do not exist.

this is a hot take and i fully stand by it. ramcoa is not committed by an organised network of abusers, who deliberately program you with alpha and delta programs. the value of these terms is that they create a shared language for victims of programming - i was programmed to have extreme loyalty, i was too, this is gamma programming. i am no longer alone, and i now have potentially things that might help

the two negatives to this framework is that the use of this language does spread the idea of a mass conspiracy - why would your abuser also know to program you with epsilon programming and mine in a similar way?? they're probably connnected. people who have experienced severe abuse are vulnerable to conspiracy, paranoia and fear. some of them do experience things like stalking and harassment linked to their abuse. so while this doesnt apply to everyone, it can give uninformed systems the idea that they are trapped within a conspiracy (which can fuel more panic and trauma symptoms, creating a loop), and other systems further fuel for psychosis

the second negative, and this is a more specific one from person to person, is that the use of these common frameworks means that you, theoretically, have a method to fix this. and that method might not work for you. this can be devastating or internally harmful (things that worked for others which internally damage your system, and the idea that maybe you, specifically, are too broken and unfixable. maybe you specifically are just fucked and cannot be helped.) i think that this is a comforting lie, and sometimes it works as well, which makes it even more complex, but when it doesn't, i believe its harmful in general.

2: ramcoa isn't difficult. ramcoa isn't special. ramcoa is just cruel.

i don't write this to imply that survivors think that ramcoa makes them special. i more mean that ramcoa doesn't neccessarily need.., a complex manual or book. it's not that hard. it's cruelty.

in the cases of cult abuse, ritualistic abuse and organised abuse, all of these... they don't need a conspiracy. we know it exists. and mind control, as the subject of the strongest contention, also doesnt need a conspiracy.

mind control is coercion, and torture, and lying, to children and vulnerable people who do not know better, who cannot say no, who fear for their lives. your abuser did not have to be a mastermind involved in something magical. you were abused.

i think that part of ramcoa is the idea that it is uniquely difficult to "pull off" or do compared to other abuses, but its often jst uniquely violent and unkind. you don't need a conspiracy.

i think a function of conspiracy, even just a little bit, a little bit of held onto mysticism from ones groups helps because it is a horrible truth that anyone can abuse like people who experience programming are abused. it is easy to start a cult if you know what you are doing. it is easy to hurt small children. that's a horrible thing to think about. but healing, at least for us, has involved being able to go... no. they werent smart or magical or all powerful. we were tiny. they hurt us.

3: programming also isn't as mystical or crazy as people lay it out to be.

i've written about this in my free time before... because this is the type of person i am apparently.

programming consists of 4 parts:

1: Responsive behaviour 2: Triggerable behaviour 3: Ingrained behaviour 4: Lies, coercion and misconception

responsive behaviour directly relates to how you and your system perceive your environment. if you are in an abusive environment, you may act differently to how you would outside of it. alters who are hypervigilant and violent, are still responding to that threat as perceived. there is either a match or mismatch in behaviour, but your brain doesn't know the difference

triggerable behaviour directly relates to things like conditioning, "rules" as set up during torture, and normal triggering like in ptsd and other trauma disorders. a mix of these will alter how different guys within your system behave and feel. this is similar to cptsd as it functions within typical did but has an additional layer as it was "designed" to function in a specific way.

ingrained behaviour is how alters may be designed or taught to act, often at the threat of extreme harm. some ingrained behaviour can become just part of who someone is, like an alter who cannot talk (and is okay with that), but some of that ingrained behaviour will go away with time

lies, coercion and misconception make up a lot of programming, but people often don't realise it because that's some of the deeper parts. like with any alter in a system, alters can (and will!) hold false beliefs about the world. in the case of ramcoa, alters are more likely to hold multiple coercive beliefs which were deliberately proven. as alters and parts get more exposure to the world as a positive and complex place, these beliefs can change (and they can be challenged!!)

there's a lot of alteration between groups as to how programming will be done and handled but it's based on the same pillars. this doesn't mean thats a conspiracy, its just the way to do it. programming as well is less complicated and more crude than one can perceive based on how we interpret it.