DID system. Bodily late 20s. Blanket TW for trauma, CSA, and ITBC abuse. (See pinned for explanation of ITBC) Stop DMing us about the system support server, itâs closed for new members. Follows from bone-marreaux
"We are many, you are but one!" -Ermac, Mortal Kombat
If you ever want to DM us to talk or ask questions, feel free to! Bodily adult, however, so keep that in mind. We go back and forth between part-speak and indiviualizing alters. Please respect this. Doing both has been good for our healing journey as a collective.
The Basics:
-Late 20s
-They/them or he/him pronouns collectively
-Very often go by "Many" in online spaces, it's a shortening of our system name, Many but One. If you see mutuals call us that, that's whyđ
-Highly Complex DID. Polyfrag, alter number unknown. I donât even care at this point. Diagnosed as DID, though our therapist has noted how complex our system presents.
-dxâd by a DID specialist with over 20 years in the field.
-formerly programmed system, now fully deprogrammed. Questions about the deprogramming process are always allowed, but any advice taken is not my responsibility. You know yourself best, donât take my advice if it doesnât fit your experiences or could possibly cause you harm
-blanket TW for RA/OA and Intentional Torture Based Conditioning (ITBC) related abuse, though we always tag our content with â[trigger] twâ if there is triggering content involved. If we miss a tag, feel free to respectfully point it out and we will fix the mistake.
-Syscourse unaligned. I support endos existing, but I do think endos and traumagenic systems have very different experiences and should have their own spaces. Not that we canât also co-exist, but the fact weâve been fighting over a proverbial âNo Manâs Landâ for well over a decade now and have gotten nowhere with it, I feel like it would be better if we all stopped fighting and just tried to exist apart in peace. Regardless, I try to stay the fuck out of syscourse because that is such a minefield these days. I'll just stick with my educational posts, silly memes, and vent art lol.
-some popular tags of ours include: #manybutone, #advice, #positivity, and #answered asks
-we block people without warning and likely wonât give a reason. We have a right to curate our online experience, and blocking is a âno-contactâ boundary we are allowed to set at anytime.
-asks and DMs open anytime, but we arenât looking to be anyoneâs close friend. Nothing personal, we just have trust issues and arenât good at making friends, especially online.
-if you wanna be moots and we havenât followed you back you are free to DM or send an ask to mutual you. We will not be weirded out or offended by that! We love having mutuals. Just know if we arenât into your blog we wonât follow you back, so donât expect us to do so just because you ask.
I have two things on my DNI:
-Tumblr anons who want me to dx them. Hereâs why. I am fine with DMs, but if you send an anon asking these things I will delete, period. This includes âdoes this count as ramcoa?â questions. You can ask about your experiences, but I will not dx said experiences. Iâm not your therapist and I donât know you.
-People trying to tell me sharing about Intentional Torture Based Conditioning (ITBC) or my traumas is bad or has âmadeâ them take unsafe action in therapy and healing. My content is not a diagnostic tool and you are responsible for what you take in and what you do with that information. All of my content is properly trigger warned so you can avoid things that are not helpful to you or could be actively harmful to you. I, an internet stranger, am not responsible for the actions you take with my content in mind. I take very special precautions to make sure my content (aside from my poetry or trauma-talk, which is always TWâd extensively) is as safe as possible for systems trying to deprogram. If you notice that my content isnât good for you or your healing journey, just block me. Itâs really that simple. Donât try to tell me how I should heal or how I should run my platform.
Some posts I've made that I think are good for newcomers to take a look at first.
Some basic info about our diagnosis journey and about DID: link
What fusion feels like from the perspective of two former hosts who fused: link
An informational post about the truth behind the origins of the False Memory Foundation and how False Memory Syndrome has been thoroughly debunked: link
My journey of learning about parts (from the beginning of this blog to July 2024): link (BTW this shit is heavy and really shows the ugly sides of DID. It shows the steady decline in thinking you "only" have 15 parts to realizing you were part of OEA/ITBC related abuse and have thousands of alters.)
A Q&A we did about what it's like to deprogram and what it's like to live as a deprogrammed system: link
Not a post that we made, but a post by someone else, explaining the new community term to replace âmind controlâ programming, Intentional Trauma Based Psychological Conditioning (ITBPC). I personally use an amended version, ITBC (Intentional Torture Based Conditioning)
Not mine, but a post by SAS that debunks the RAMCOA is Antisemitic Controversy.
SAS did another deeper dive on the same topic. Great read!
Information about some parts below the cut:
They enjoy drawing, knitting, playing videogames, reading, writing, practicing witchcraft, and spending time with their partners.
đšEmberđŽ - they/them
Ember is the main fronter within our host subsystem, the Amaranthine subsystem. This is a recent development in our host team, who was formerly "just" Anya, then Percy & Magdaleyna, and now there are several host alters within this subsystem. Others include Leyna, Rook, Kaia, Delia, and Void.
They are part of the larger "Wilted Roses" side system.
Leyna is a host part that used to be an EP for Percy, but in the splitting and reshuffling of their subsystem (Amaranthine) those EP emotions and experiences were offloaded into other alters to help Leyna's functioning. Her and Ember are the main fronters of Amaranthine and are the most functional of all of them.
đšMagdaleyna/Leynađˇ - she/her
Leyna loves Animal Crossing: New Horizons, the color pink, knitting, and coquette aesthetics. She's a sweetheart and if you ever hurt her feelings you will answer for it, lol.
Aridam is our primary gatekeeper of our entire system. He is a bit distant from most except those he cares about very much. He has a sharp sense of humor, but typically remains very serious. He doesnât mess around and very often says exactly what he feels about people or situations. His number one goal is our systemâs safety and happiness and has been for his entire existence.
âď¸Aridam/Ari𩸠- he/him
He was previously known by several different names and has experienced several fusions, both major and minor. The most major fusion was between James and Death, in which he became Aridam. Aridam means âdestroyer of foesâ and âone who has won over all his enemiesâ and it was chosen very specifically for this reason. Old posts of his have been tagged as both James and Aridam.
He usually appears as a very tall man wearing a suit, with black hair and piercing bright blue eyes. Sometimes he appears more wolf-like, and being our in-system "God" he can also appear as a gigantic Eldritch Godlike creature.
Aridam enjoys painting, reading, and writing in what little free time he has. He also enjoys spending time with his partner. Has a penchant for writing sappy love poetry as well as poetry that others have described as "utterly gut wrenching." Our #poetry tag is mostly his and a couple others' poetry.
He enjoys playing videogames, going on long drives, and listening to music. Also loves watching baseball and smoking weed. He doesn't make friends easily but when he does come around, he is ride or die.
đ Deimosđ - he/him
Deimos is a fronting gatekeeper and co-host in our system. He is pretty private, and doesnât trust most people. He is one of our oldest parts weâre aware of who is still an active system member.
Internally he looks like a short trans man in his 20s with orange hair and tiger stripe tattoos. He can also appear as a golden tiger with white stripes. Wears a lot of alt clothing and is very punk. Gay af.
Vardan enjoys religious studies, sociology, and puzzle games. He likes spending time with friends and is learning new hobbies and skills slowly but surely. He is one of the few Christian alters in our system and has found a way to practice his religion safely without causing harm to himself or other parts. We couldnât be more proud of him.
đŚVardanâď¸ - he/him
Vardan is a primary gatekeeper in our system, in charge of a side system of former High Priests. He was formerly called High Priest One and was once extremely persecutory. He has been the most outspoken about his growth and healing in our system and it has paid off. He has inspired so many other parts like him to work hard to heal and be better for their systems. His name means "in power" to signify him taking his power back from our abusers.
He appears as a tall, thin man who is a bit older than the body. He has dark red hair with a white streak and tiny black demon horns. He's extremely connected to deer imagery and thusly will often wear an antler headpiece.
He currently works as a gatekeeper and internal counselor for parts, and it works well for him. Had a fusion with his opposite counterpart, NYX, that really solidified his healing journey.
đşFenrir/FenđĽ - he/him/dae/daem
Fenrir is a protector part in our system, who was previously a persecutor. He appears as a very large black wolf with piercing blue eyes. Fenrir originally went by the name Gâmork, as he was an introject of him.
Fenrir is a goofy dude, and often doesnât take things too seriously. Heâs extremely good at handling stress and is extremely protective of our system and those he loves outside of the system. He loves spending time with his partners and being active when he can. He has the mental maturity of about a 16-18 year old and it shows.
đJadeđ° - she/her
Jade is a primary gatekeeper in our system.
She is characterized as an extremely confident, hyper-independent woman who can come off a little scary. She has a Russian accent and a deeper voice than most of our ladies in here. She is a high femme lesbian who is very devoted to her butch lesbian partner.
Jade doesnât often ââwaste her timeââ exploring hobbies, not that she has much time to do so anyway. She enjoys watching movies with her girlfriend, particularly zombie horror films. She loves blasphemous metal music, particularly Marilyn Manson.
Internally she appears as a dark-skinned demon with long curly hair and bright green eyes. Often wears green colored clothing. A semi-introject of Jade from Mortal Kombat. (She existed long before we knew of that game, but when we started playing it she took her name and partially her likeness). She has her own side system and several alters within that side system front regularly, but rarely sign off.
đRainierđ - he/him
[This pic is not really all that accurate, as he fused with Dire and has a lot of bird/raven like themes in his appearance, as well as longer hair. But this is an approximation that works well enough]
Rainier is a secondary gatekeeper in our Battalion side system that sometimes does co-hosting stuff, especially when things NEED to be done. He is highly driven, serious, and can come off as a bit of a buzz kill when he is in "work mode." He also has a fun and sweet side, and loves reconnecting with our German heritage in a healthy way. His favorite food is späztle and he hopes to eventually learn the German language. Took his name from Mount Rainier, and it's his dream to visit there in person someday.
He is the most vocally and loudly anti-fascist out of all of us, which is saying something because basically all of us are loudly anti-fash, but he takes it to a different level. He does the most "political protecting" in our system and does a lot of irl activism stuff that he hopes will prompt real change someday.
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Red Cloud Divider Credit by @rpinkling (highly recommend looking into them, their dividers are very cool!)
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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partially-managed mental illness is so fucking funny i'll be sitting around doing my job and suddenly think "wow i hate myself" and immediately get confused because, like, that's not TRUE! i love myself so much. who are you to talk to me like that
Iâm reading a book on biofeedback trainings right now and they talk about this. The words âtryâ or âneedâ add pressure to stuff. Sometimes switching from âI need to calm downâ or âIâm trying to slow my breathingâ to âIâm allowing myself to calm down a little more with each exhaleâ or âIâm giving myself permission to slow my breathingâ can be more helpful. Thereâs a difference between âtry to relax the muscleâ and âallow the muscle to softenâ that is significant enough that for some people it can totally change the outcome of a relaxation exercise.
For other tips and tricks, instead of asking âwhyâ you canât change a thought/feeling (why being an offensive question, meaning it forces you to respond defensively - in this case defending the emotion you donât like) you can ask âis there any leeway or wiggle room with this feeling/thought/belief for something else?â Oftentimes we know multiple things at once, and by allowing for a small amount of ambiguity we can start to accept the situation more fully.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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i'm sorry i didn't respond to your DM for 23 days. the number on the notification icon got really big and i began having irrational anxious thoughts such as "what if people are in there trying to contact me"
ânever kill yourselfâ is such a funny phrase to me that i think itâs accidently started working. its like an affrimation. say ânever kill yourselfâ enough times as a joke and maybe you wonât try to kill yourself over minor inconviences anymore
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GRABS you by the THROAT. stop using "narcissistic", "slow", "depressed", "bipolar", "schizophrenic" and the literal R slur (i'm not saying it.) etc etc etc as insults. I don't care if you're neurodivergent and doing this you're still an ableist prick
You can tell a lot about a person by entering their mind palace and encountering their greatest fears and darkest hopes in a labyrinth reflective of their subconscious thoughts.
oh my god i'm so tired psychotic does not mean violent it does not mean angry or erratic. it refers to a person suffering from psychosis, a loss of touch with reality that includes hallucinations and/or delusions. psychotic people are not inherently violent and y'all need to understand how much stigma you create when you again and again incorrectly use the word psychotic without even thinking about it
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i feel so defensive and protective of people with ARFID like if i had a disorder that made my brain register 90% of food as poison for no reason and i had a bazillion people on the internet constantly calling me a manchild who needs to just grow up and stop being a picky eater i would start killing people
people with ARFID and people with very few autism safe foods and people with contamination OCD and people in ED recovery and everyone else with a complicated relationship with food that no one takes seriously GET BEHIND ME!!!!!!!
