@obscurix - Tumblr Blog

i feel so left out. like everyone around me knows how to be a human and i don’t.

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well i think i either gotta get better or die chat

#not hope #not optimism #but spite #so fuck i guess i'll be here???#obscurix opens up ??

the problem with getting better is you have to want it bad enough. i simply don't want this life that fucking bad.

#bpd vent #trauma vent #would i like to get better? somewhere in me im sure #do i have the fucking energy or willpower? nah #i'm debating a lot in my life right now about which way to go #bpd gang we get legal euthanasia next year tho lol #like they're giving us an out bc even they don't know what to do with us #how the fuck am i supposed to know what to do with me

i bet feeling loved is soooooo nice lmao.

obscurix

i’ve been a ghost my entire life. what difference would it make if i died.

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i feel like i'm running out of time. out of time. out of time.

i'm always waiting for something horrible to happen.

#fight or flight #there's no rest mode #i've never known peace #i'm fucking exhausted #i want it to stop #if i could just sleep #if i could just eat #if i could just feel a little less like i'm dying every day #i'm tired #bpd vent #trauma vent #cptsd vent #obscurix opens up ??

obscurix

i feel like i've been bothering people since my birth.

#and when i die i'm gonna bother them by having a dead body #<- lmao yeah real

i don't know who i am anymore. i don't think i was ever anyone anyway.

#bpd vent #obscurix spirals; a memoir

will i preform even in death?

#why doesn't it stop #there is no audience #there's only me and these same 4 walls #trauma vent #i'm so tired #i can't sleep #i can't eat #i'm going insane

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obscurix

i’m not made for anything good. i feel like a bad dog that was abandoned.

#ouch lol

obscurix

i have very big feelings and they all boil down to “i need to fucking die right now.” lmao

been laying on the floor a lot again

#trauma vent #i never know what this means #am i undeserving of my bed?#am i overstimulated?#is the bed unsafe?#why is the floor so comforting #obscurix opens up ??

obscurix

i’m stuck in time. it won’t let me heal. i’ll be traumatized forever.

really starting to feel like 27 will be my cap.

#obscurix opens up ??#i'm just ???#i'm so tired #i can't remember a time i didn't feel so fucking awful #tw sui vent

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https://open.spotify.com/track/3bWriexgkG7aykYmtfGWr3?si=Gh3422qkTBiLa1FDb_i0iQ

yeah. yeah.

#obscurix opens letters <3 #how'd you know i was looking for this song #ps we don't use spotify anymore kids bc fuck ice

there's this rage that lives in my blood. i have no where to put it.

#so i take it out on myself #and please don't get too close i bite #bpd vent #bpd culture is #living with borderline #obscurix opens up ??

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