Mildly Amusing.Mostly Annoying.

you ever be so stressed and you look in the mirror and you’re like wow ok great I’m ugly too

kids were roleplaying with minecraft figurines and one of them had their figure go up to the other and say “i’m in love with you” and the other one replied “sword slash to the chest. and you’re on fire”

someone needs to invent reverse cornflakes. i want to eat a cereal that gives me a demonic erection and inflicts upon me an insatiable lust

you want to be mommy’s adjective noun, don’t you, pet name? you want to verb and verb for mommy like a good gender

I DONT CARE HOW MANY BEDS THERE WERE. WHAT IS YOUR BOOK ABOUT

(tearfully) w- working at the mattress store

i'm so fucking sorry. can you ever forgive me

how to become good at everything no practice no effort no motivation no passion no talent fast free

bf who asks “you want a treat??” while unbuttoning his pants

how to get up in the morning tutorial

how to get up in the morning walkthrough

how to get up in the morning tips and tricks

my partner and i have become fixated on this stupid comment left by a conspiracy theorist on instagram and we can't stop saying it and i just know i'm gonna slip up and say it to a normal person

I identify the most with the woman who has a green velvet ribbon around her neck and keeps being like "DONT untie my neck ribbon or something really bad will happen" and then her husband unties the ribbon and her head falls off. this is extremely real to me. spent my whole life like "please don't do this thing to me or really bad stuff will happen" and everyone around me being like "that sounds fake" and doing it anyway. and then my head fell off!

Writing would be so much easier if I didn't have youtube or computer games Right There.

"Derin you can get timed apps to block -- " No. I don't want to block them. They're too fun.