It's never quite 9 o'clock

Well, are you?. We’re waiting.

There’s a lot to be umami about these days.

Well, well, well. If it isn't the consequences of someone else's actions that I am directly impacted and severely affected by

I’ll admit I’ve sent a 👍 in my time

the grocery store should be open 24/7 but they should let the employees go home and just trust us

what they dont tell you about adulthood is that it’s startlingly easy to go long periods of time without having any fun at all not even a little bit. btw this causes ur brain to try to kill you with knives and hammers.

i fucking hated your shoelaces this entire time

faeries are not real but i wish thwy were so i could spray one with raid

harry houdini to his wife after a long exhausting dinner with arthur conan doyle

what a privilege it is to come home to a little animal that loves you like you're their whole world.

we used to turn the tv on and just watch whatever was on there

Yes, it was frequently The Simpsons.

you really do turn thirty and everything is different and sometimes better. if you're in line for thirty stay in line bro

this fetish stuff is getting out of hand what the fuck is word play