StuffThatDelightsMe

My friends and I all took a “which Jane Austen love interest would you fall for?” and I was like ooh ooh I hope I get Mr. Knightley. But also if they have Henry Tilney on there he’s super underrated and I would get his humor better than Catherine anyway so I want him too. One of my friends said she wanted Mr. Darcy and I was like eh hard pass. Everyone looked at me like I committed sacrilege and I was like look! I love him! As a character! And I think he’s great for Elizabeth! I am really super happy that Elizabeth ended up with him. And also perfectly content to not be Elizabeth because he’s just not for me. And then we took the test and I got Mr. Darcy and one of my friends said “I forgot not liking him was a prerequisite for falling in love with him” and I threw my phone at her (spiritually, not physically, bc phones are expensive)

vampire hunter? no i said vampire HAUNTER. this jerk sucked all my blood out so now i spend my afterlife knocking over shelves and scaring off potential victims and just making the castle generally pretty cold

it's always 'bleh why are the plates floating', 'gah who knocked over my blood goblet' and never 'sorry for killing you' ok starve then!

and what are you going to do about it? have a priest exorcise the place? yeah good luck with all the crosses and holy water you piece of shit

It’s a lovely morning in the gothic castle, and you are a horrible ghost.

guy who doesnt understand how lesbian relationships work: so which one of you died by self-inflicted fencepost impalement and which one of you lobotomized yourself to try and bring her back?

people who use the 👀 emoji in work chats to mean something to the effect of 'i saw your reply' freak me out PLEASE use the thumbs up emoji like a goddamn professional, 👀 is for the other group chat i've got open where someone just linked a fic examining the religious implications of fingering your frenemy's stab wound

Hey. Why isn’t the moon landing a national holiday in the US. Isn’t that fucked up? Does anyone else think that’s absurd?

It was a huge milestone of scientific and technological advancement. (Plus, at the time, politically significant). Humanity went to space! We set foot on a celestial body that was not earth for the first time in human history! That’s a big deal! I’ve never thought about it before but now that I have, it’s ridiculous to me that that’s not part of our everyday lives and the public consciousness anymore. Why don’t we have a public holiday and a family barbecue about it. Why have I never seen the original broadcast of the moon landing? It should be all over the news every year!

It’s July 20th. That’s the day of the moon landing. Next year is going to be the 54th anniversary. I’m ordering astronaut shaped cookie cutters on Etsy and I’m going to have a goddamn potluck. You’re all invited.

Hey. Hey. Tumblr. Ides of March ppl. We can do this

Hell yeah moon holiday

Ooh coming up we should celebrate

PITCH: We call it Moon Day, and then every 7 years when it falls on a Monday, that's an even BIGGER deal and we call that Moon Day Monday and go absolutely apeshit about it (the next Moon Day Monday is in 2026 so we have a couple trial runs first)

MOON DAY MOON DAY MOON DAY

moon day is 20th July!!!

Scheduling this a day earlier to remind you all and myself about the Moon Day tomorow!

Wow! I can't believe it's Moon Day Monday! How exciting!

So I think the way you know you suck at hockey (at the professional level, I know no one in the NHL actually sucks) is if you’re playing poorly and Shane Hollander is still nice to you. “You you did good out there, man. No sweat.” He’s mean to the players who have potential (“What the FUCK were you thinking Haas?”), or the really good players fucking up on bad nights. He doesn’t even talk to his husband out at Monks after Rozanov missed his pass on the power play (“I set it up perfectly for you, Ilya, if you’d just admit it then maybe I could help you fix it for next time—“) but he’s asking you about the kids and where you go for Christmas. You’re never getting off the fourth line bud. Actually, Hollander just bought you a beer, which means you’ll be back in the minors next week.

haters do not want you to know this but if you pick up something heavy every day it will eventually stop being quite as heavy. this is because the heavy thing, having witnessed your dedication, begins to yield its essence to you. and you, in turn, begin to absorb that essence into your own being. this is what makes people strong. the more essence you absorb, the stronger you become, and the more respect you command from the world around you.

#follow for more workout tips from Pliny the Elder (via @elucubrare)

devastating when good characters are put into a stupid show. you were born to fly but that evil hag of a showrunner clipped your golden wings. be free on ao3, my little dove. be free

Shane getting criticized for not using pride tape and he’s caught on a mic later that week saying I didn’t realize it wasn’t the sucking dick that made me gay but the rainbow . Which is how he comes out.

when you have the same password for everything, but have to switch it up as required by certain websites and their different password parameters, so you have to figure out if your password is apple1 or Apple1 or apple123 and then you get locked out for too many attempts because the password you were looking for was Apple123