that's what she reblogged

can we all hold hands

does anyone know if we have jason robertson tomorrow

fellatio sounds like a supporting shakespeare character rather than oral sex on a penis to be honest

apparently youre supposed to perform. they love it when you perform. but it has to be authentic. they hate it when it's not authentic. but you have to perform.

Not that I think all marriages are doomed but when deciding who to marry you should ask yourself “is this someone I’d want to divorce?” As in, is this someone I believe would be mature and fair, even when they’re upset and don’t particularly like me at the moment. Is this someone I could continue to trust while going through an adversarial process? And if the answer is no, don’t marry them.

you don’t realize how important lunch is until you’re wandering around thinking about how unloveable and untalented and uniquely cursed you are and then it’s 4pm and you finally eat lunch and you go Oh. oh right.

For all its faults Tumblr has truly ruined all other social media for me because my friends all have Instagram and are all trying to get me on Instagram more but every time I open Instagram there are like fifteen things screaming for my attention and when I get over myself long enough to start scrolling it's like. Where is my chronological dash. Where is the following-only option. Who are these people. Why are there so many videos. Everyone is screaming at me. And then before I know it I'm thirty minutes into scrolling and I haven't seen a single thing that I actually care about. At least on Tumblr when I see stuff I don't care about I know someone I follow has found a new interest.

When I was in the hospital, they gave me a big bracelet that said ALLERGY, but like. I'm allergic to bees. Were they going to prescribe me bees in there.

The world is full of such beauty and wonder. Thank you for that sentence.

my little brother came into my room and told me that there was water all over the bathroom floor so i got up and grabbed a towel and ran into the bathroom to find all of my water energy pokemon cards sprawled out on the floor this kid is 5 fucking years old and he got me

THIS POST IS TWO YEARS OLD NOW. MAX IS 7. IT DIES DOWN FOR LIKE HALF A YEAR AND THEN SUDDENLY IT KICKS BACK UP AGAIN I HATE THIS POST 

this post is now 5 years old. Max is 10 and i hope he’s still schemin’

There’s so much potential in this genre of joke. “There’s a fire in the kitchen!” etc.

Max is an adult now

lot of people are going to be sent careening three posts down their dash and crashing into a brick wall because of this post

the stars have to worship otters body for five hours straight after this game idec