My life is a fucking joke. Applaud

👹➡⬇↘🔴🔵👌🐝🐝 I might be a 20-something year old insomniac that posts whatever i deem worthy of this worthless blog(Please end my suffering). Anything i post or say is a result of a sleep-deprived delirium Narrator: Oh, a dark and stormy night. It's nights like these that remind me of the time Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob thought they killed the health inspector. [laughs evilly. Stormy night becomes calm day] It was a bright and sunny morning. [scene cuts to the Krusty Krab where a fish drives up and stops in front of the restaurant. The scene zooms into his badge that reads 'Health Inspector']Mr. Krabs: [Taking a bath in money]Ah...That smells like... [gasps] ...the health inspector! [Mr. Krabs runs up to SpongeBob in a yellow towel] Wash your hands, clean the floors, change your underwear! The health inspector's here! [both are peeking out the kitchen window at the health inspector, who is writing on a clipboard] If he finds one health violation, he'll close us down for good. We've got to do everything in our power to make sure he passes the Krusty Krab.SpongeBob: But Mr. Krabs, there's no reason to worry. [eyes widen] The Krusty Krab is the most perfect place in the universe.Mr. Krabs: You really haven't got any brains at all, have you, son? [pushes SpongeBob out the door] Just go out there and give him what he needs. Pour on the charm. Sweet talk him. [SpongeBob walks up to the health inspector, who is still writing on his clipboard at the table]SpongeBob: What can I get for you...handsome?Mr. Krabs: [slaps forehead] We're doomed.Health Inspector: I'm going to need you to bring me one of everything on the menu.SpongeBob: [walking backwards back into the kitchen] Excellent choice, my darling. Coming right up! [SpongeBob enters the kitchen, where Krabs waits] He wants one of everything.Mr. Krabs: Then we'll give him a smorgasbord! [holds up a tray of a patty, a drink, some fries, and coral bits] The future of the Krusty Krab is at stake! [SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs run up to the health inspector]SpongeBob: Try the Krusty Kelp Dog, sir![stuffs it in the inspector's mouth]Mr. Krabs: The Buttered Barnacles are a touch of heaven. [stuffs it in the inspector's mouth]SpongeBob: The Powdered Driftwood is exquisite. [stuffs it in the inspector's mouth]Mr. Krabs: Fresh Sludge Pudding? [stuffs it in the inspector's mouth]SpongeBob: More Diet Red Tide? [stuffs it in the inspector's mouth]Mr. Krabs: Some Fried Flotsam? [stuffs it in the inspector's mouth]Health Inspector: Please, gentlemen![swallows all the food in his mouth] Leave me to finish my work in peace. [clicks his pen, which is actually a fork that comes out. Later, the health inspector has eaten everything on the table and burps]SpongeBob: And did the voluptuous inspector enjoy his meal?Health Inspector: [writes on his clipboard]So far, so good. I just need to try a plain Krabby Patty and my inspection will be finished.SpongeBob: [open kitchen door] He says if he gets one more Krabby Patty, he'll pass us for the inspection!Mr. Krabs: [picks up SpongeBob] Do you know what this means, dear boy? We're in the clear! [both dance off then leapfrog over each other, across the screen then do the can-can in dresses until a news report comes on tv]A. Realistic Fish Head: We interrupt this can-can for a special news bulletin. Be on the lookout for a man who's been passing himself off as a health inspector in order to obtain free food. That's all for now. [Mr. Krabs gets angry]Mr. Krabs: Free food?!SpongeBob: Maybe we oughta tell our guy about the phony impostor.Mr. Krabs: You loony loofah, he is the impostor! We've been duped!SpongeBob: Duped!Mr. Krabs: Bamboozled!SpongeBob: We've been smeckledorfed!Mr. Krabs: That's not even a word, and I agree with ya! [both look through the kitchen window at the health inspector, who is wiping his mouth off, finishing his drink, and cleaning his teeth with a toothpick]Look at him. I bet he never changes his underwear.SpongeBob: I bet he bites whale bubbles.Mr. Krabs: I bet his mom bought him that hat. [holds up a krabby patty] If that impostor wants a Krabby Patty, then by Neptune, we'll give him one. [flicks the top bun off and puts a some volcano sauce on the patty] You're dancin' with the crab man now! Join me, boy, or you're fired!SpongeBob: It doesn't seem right... [holds up a bottle of seahorse radish] ...but it feels so good! [dumps a spoonful on the patty]Seahorse radish: the gnarliest stuff in the ocean.Mr. Krabs: Ohh, hold on, I've got a ton of toenail clippings in my office! [runs off as SpongeBob drops the patty in the toilet]SpongeBob: Oops, I dropped it in the toilet![Mr. Krabs runs in with a smelly sock]Mr. Krabs: Well, fish it out, and I'll dry it with me gym socks! [scene cuts to showing a disgusting krabby patty with what appears to be pimples and green meat] Why that's the most diabolical Krabby Patty ever spawned! [both are wearing clothespins on their noses]SpongeBob: I call it the 'Nasty Patty'. [both laugh]Health Inspector: Hey, hurry up with that patty! [SpongeBob runs in with the patty]SpongeBob: [speaking quickly] Here you go sir, enjoy. [runs back into the kitchen]Health Inspector: Ah, hello, delicious. Come to papa. [a fly flies into his throat. He starts to choke]Mr. Krabs: [listening from the kitchen]Listen, he ate it! [both look out from the kitchen window] Oh, look at him choke![both laugh] Look at him suffer! [both keep laughing.] Did you see that, boy? Oh man, the look on his face. [Health inspector slips on some packets of condiments and bangs his head on the table. Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob are still laughing. Another TV bulletin comes on]A. Realistic Fish Head: We interrupt your laughter at other people's expense to bring you this news flash. The fake inspector has been captured. Here is his picture. [picture is shown on the tv] If a health inspector comes to your restaurant and he's not this guy, he's real.SpongeBob: Phew, that's a relief, eh, Mr. Krabs? I'm sure our guy will understand if we just explain the situation. Then we can all have a good laugh about it.Mr. Krabs: [gasps] I don't think he'll be laughin', boy.SpongeBob: Why, sir?Mr. Krabs: Because that patty killed him![both scream, check the inspector again, then scream again]SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, what are we gonna do?Mr. Krabs: What's this "we" stuff? You fed him the tainted patty. Looks like it's the stony lonesome for you!SpongeBob: But you told me to give it to him!Mr. Krabs: Well, you could've talked me out of it!SpongeBob: You're right, Mr. Krabs, I'm guilty. I'll never survive in prison, they'll mop up the floor with me. [Mr. Krabs grabs him]Mr. Krabs: Get a hold of yourself, boy. We've got to get rid of this body before anyone sees it. We've got to take it out and bury it. [scene cuts to SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs on a muddy hill.]Spongebob: [disguised] Eww, gross, germs, it's all icky and corpsy! [SpongeBob is dragging the body by a tissue and is constantly spraying it with disinfectant]Mr. Krabs: This should be far enough. Now get diggin'! [hands SpongeBob a shovel]SpongeBob: Yes, sir. [while digging a big hole, his shovel hits something]Mr. Krabs: What's the holdup down there?SpongeBob: There's a big rock in the way!Mr. Krabs: Well toss it out and get back to diggin'!SpongeBob: [salutes] Aye aye, sir! [tosses the huge rock behind him]Health Inspector: Uhh, where am I? [rock hits him in the head knocking him out again]Mr. Krabs: Somethin' ain't quite right.SpongeBob: What do you mean, Mr. Krabs?[health inspectors head is out of the ground]Mr. Krabs: His head's stickin' out![SpongeBob covers his head with more sand]SpongeBob: Sorry, Mr. Krabs. I thought he might need some air.Mr. Krabs: They don't need air where he's going.SpongeBob: Shouldn't we say a few words on his behalf?Mr. Krabs: Uhh, he was a credit to health inspectors everywhere, and, uhh...SpongeBob: [bawling] What a brave man, going in the line of duty like that! Why? Why? Why?! [Mr. Krabs grabs SpongeBob]Mr. Krabs: Listen here, ya little barnacle. No one, and I mean no one, can ever know about this. It'll be the end of you, it'll be the end of me, and worst of all, it'll be the end of me.Officer Malley: [shines a flashlight on them]Stop right where you are! I'm afraid we're going to have to arrest the two of you![SpongeBob hangs on Mr. Krabs]SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, I'm too young to go to jail! [Mr. Krabs covers his mouth]Mr. Krabs: And what would be the charges?Officer Malley: For not being at the Krusty Krab to whip us up a couple of dee-licious Krabby Patties! [both police officers laugh. Mr. Krabs laughs nervously]Mr. Krabs: Laugh, boy. [SpongeBob laughs. It rains. The rain makes the health inspector slide down the hill]Officer Nancy: Put that muddy shovel in the trunk and we'll give you a ride back.[SpongeBob is still laughing until Mr. Krabs hits him. Mr. Krabs opens the trunk and SpongeBob puts the shovel in it]Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, listen carefully. We're just getting a lift back to the Krusty Krab. I need you to stay calm and don't lose your cool. Understand. [SpongeBob looks down]SpongeBob: Can I lose my cool now?Mr. Krabs: Why? [SpongeBob points to the health inspector, who is now down the hill. Both scream and Mr. Krabs grabs the body and gives it to SpongeBob] Put it in the trunk, boy! I'll keep them cops busy!Officer Malley: What's the holdup back there? [Mr. Krabs starts talking to him as a distraction]SpongeBob: Oh, Neptune, get away![throws the inspector in the trunk then sprays himself with disinfectant. Slams the trunk on the health inspector, who was waking up] Ahem. Ok, all set back here. Nothing unusual about a muddy shovel in the trunk. [laughs nervously]Mr. Krabs: All set! [SpongeBob slides in almost motionlessly]Officer Nancy: You ok there, little fella?Mr. Krabs: Oh, he gets carsick real easy.Officer Malley: Well buckle up and we'll drive real smooth-like. [drives off]Mr. Krabs: Now listen, SpongeBob, when we get to the Krusty Krab, I want you to take that [winks] shovel and bring it around to the back entrance and stuff...err, I mean, stow it in the freezer. Understand?SpongeBob: I understand, Mr. Krabs, but what do you want me to do with the bo...Mr. Krabs: [grabs SpongeBob's lips] ...ttles of soda! Bottles of soda, Same thing, put 'em in the freezer. [Nancy stares at them funny. Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob laugh. Scene cuts to the Krusty Krab where SpongeBob is bringing the body to the back]SpongeBob: Oh man, this is so gross! [tries the handle on the door but there is a lock]The back door is locked. What am I gonna do? [scene cuts to inside the Krusty Krab. SpongeBob enters with a big hat where the health inspector is in it]Mr. Krabs: Ahoy there, SpongeBob! I thought you were out back taking care of that shovel! [twitches & winks his eyes]SpongeBob: Well, the back door was locked, so I came around here. [his hat sags over, and SpongeBob puts it back in position] So if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go put my hat in the freezer now. [walks to the kitchen very carefully]Mr. Krabs: Okey dokey, SpongeBob!Officer Malley: Is that boy ok?Officer Nancy: He's acting a little funny.Mr. Krabs: Funny? Oh, yeah! [laughs] He's a real cutup, that one. He knows how to keep the growing stages! Good one, boy! Always on, that one, there's no off on his funny switch! [laughs. SpongeBob is trying to get through a door but his hat is too big] Oh, look, I almost forgot, it's 'Open Cash Register' night! First two customers get all the money in the cash register! [hands out the money. SpongeBob gets his hat inside the kitchen]Policeman: [listens to his walkie-talkie]Eighty-six those patties, Krabs. We just got a call about two ghouls burying a stiff over by Shallow Grave Road.Officer Nancy: I want a soda. [Mr. Krabs gives her one]Mr. Krabs: Here's your soda! Always a pleasure to serve the folks in blue. Well, goodbye now!Officer Nancy: Hey, there's no ice!Mr. Krabs: [nervous] Ice? Ice? You want ice? Is that what you want? You want ice? Is that what you want? [SpongeBob slides on screen]SpongeBob: The dark deed you requested is done, sir.Officer Nancy: [walks to the kitchen] I'll get it myself. Ice is in the freezer, right? [Mr. Krabs runs to block the freezer door]Mr. Krabs: There is no ice! There's never been any ice. Ice is just a myth.Officer Nancy: Step aside. You people act like you've committed a murder.Mr. Krabs: Ok, I confess! [points to SpongeBob] SpongeBob killed him!SpongeBob: What? You can't pin this whole rap on me!Mr. Krabs: He was insane! Out of control! He would've killed me too if you two hadn't come along.SpongeBob: It was all Mr. Krabs' idea.Mr. Krabs: Put him down now! He's a mad dog!SpongeBob: He wears curlers to bed!Mr. Krabs: Wait! It's not what you think!Officer Nancy: What are you two talking about?Mr. Krabs: We killed the health inspector! Buried him and then stuffed his body in the freezer!Officer Nancy: You mean in here? [opens the freezer but it's empty]Mr. Krabs: It's empty?Officer Nancy: Is this some kind of a joke?Mr. Krabs: Yeah...a joke! [SpongeBob giggles]Officer Nancy: Say, maybe he turned into a zombie and walked out. [everyone laughs. Just then a fish walks up moaning]SpongeBob: [screams] It's the zombie! [the inspector turns the lights on]Health Inspector: Hey, you guys...Officer Malley: [hits the inspector with an anchor] Take that, you zombie! [inspector now has a huge bump on his head]Officer Nancy: I'll take it from here. [hits the inspector with a barrel] Die, zombie!Officer Malley: Good police work, officer Nancy. Hey, this guy's not a zombie. He's just an ordinary health inspector.Health Inspector: Yes. And at the risk of being hit again, I'd like to present you with this. [gives Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob a note with the word 'pass' on it checked]SpongeBob: Hey, Mr. Krabs, look. We passed the inspection!Everyone: Hooray! [everyone walks out of the kitchen]Mr. Krabs: Come on, everybody. Krabby Patties at half price! Well, not really.Health Inspector: [inspector tries to crawl out] Oh boy, I'd like a Krabby Patt... [door slams in his face. Scene cuts to above water where its stormy again]Narrator: Well, that's the story. Yes, they are all idiots, aren't they? [A shot of the exterior of the Krusty Krab is shown.]TV Announcer: And now, back to Crustacean Crime Theater.[The scene changes to show a black and white TV. On it, there is a sleeping crab. Another crab comes in and evilly laughs. He grabs the crab's shell and the sleeping crab wakes up. The crab, possibly the Sneaky Hermit runs away with the shell, laughing evilly.]Shellnapping Victim: Stop! Thief![Two police officers show up.]Cop #1: Which way did he go?Shellnapping Victim: [pointing to the direction the thief ran] He went that way!Cop #2: Let's get em, boys![four police officers run after the Sneaky Hermit, off-screen. They run back into frame with the Sneaky Hermit tied up. The scene then shows a shot of the Sneaky Hermit wearing.]Thief: [As bars come down and the scene pans out to show the TV inside of the Krusty Krab, at a table.] Curses! Foiled again![The scene shows Mr. Krabs at a table watching a small TV. Patrick and SpongeBob are behind him.]Mr. Krabs: What a no-good eel-in-a-kelp that guy was! [Stands on barrel.] There ain't nothing worse than a thief! [shot changes to a medium close up of Mr. Krabs] Thieves need to be locked up forever! They should all be strung up by their gills and forced to breathe air![The shot returns to the wide shot of Mr. Krabs, SpongeBob, and Patrick.]SpongeBob: But, Mr. Krabs, [shot changes to a medium close up of SpongeBob] what about all the stuff you stole?[shot changes to a medium close up of Mr. Krabs]Mr. Krabs: What do you mean?SpongeBob: [The scene returns to the points to the wide shot of Mr. Krabs, SpongeBob, and Patrick. SpongeBob points to the barrel Mr. Krabs is standing on.] Like that barrel. [The scene then shows a close up of the barrel.] It says, "Property of Salty Sea Farms".[The scene zooms out a little and Mr. Krabs jumps off the barrel.]Mr. Krabs: Oh, that's where I rent me pickles from.[The scene shows a Two-Shot of SpongeBob and Patrick.]SpongeBob: Are you renting the barrel, too?[The scene shows a medium close-up of Mr. Krabs.]Mr. Krabs: Well, no.[The scene returns to the Two-Shot of SpongeBob and Patrick.]SpongeBob: Then you bought it?[The scene returns to medium close-up of Mr. Krabs.]Mr. Krabs: No.[The scene returns to the Two-Shot of SpongeBob and Patrick.]SpongeBob: Then, isn't that stealing?[The scene returns to the medium close-up of Mr. Krabs.]Mr. Krabs: Well, I, uh...[The scene shows a medium shot of Patrick.]Patrick: [While holding up a towel.] What about this towel from the Sizzling Spring Sauna?[The scene returns to the medium close-up of Mr. Krabs.]Mr. Krabs: Um... Well..[The scene shows a medium shot of SpongeBob.]SpongeBob: [While waving a phone back and forth] And this Bikini Bell phone?[The scene returns to the medium close-up of Mr. Krabs.]Mr. Krabs: Well, uh, it's[The scene returns to the medium shot of Patrick, who is holding Sandy's hedge clippers.]Patrick: [While holding up hedge clippers]And Sandy's hedge clippers?[The scene returns to the medium close-up of Mr. Krabs. He is now starting to sweat]Mr. Krabs: Oh, they're...[The scene shows an Extreme Close-up of SpongeBob's hand. It has a small lawnmower in it.]SpongeBob: ...And Plankton's lawn mower?[The scene returns to the medium close-up of Mr. Krabs.]Mr. Krabs: Well, he...[The scene returns to the medium shot of SpongeBob.]SpongeBob: [While holding up hair curlers]Even Mrs. Puff's hair curlers?[The scene then shows a wide shot of SpongeBob, Patrick, and Mr. Krabs.]Mr. Krabs: [While grabbing the hair curlers]That one was a gift! [He stops sweating.]Listen, all that stuff is, uh... borrowed.[The scene returns to the Two-Shot of SpongeBob and Patrick.]SpongeBob: Borrowed? Well, that's a relief. I thought you took it without [While shaking his head] permission.[The scene shows a medium shot of Mr. Krabs.]Mr. Krabs: [While waving his claw down] Ah, permission shmermission! You can borrow anything you want, anytime, as long as if you give it back [puts arms to side] before it's missed. [While shrugging] Everyone knows that! Right?[The scene returns to the Two-Shot of SpongeBob and Patrick.]SpongeBob and Patrick: [raise fists in air]Okay![The scene then shows a wide shot of SpongeBob, Patrick, and Mr. Krabs.]Mr. Krabs: All right then! [While Hugging them] Hugs? [Mr. Krabs walks behind SpongeBob and Patrick.] You put in [While pushing the two out of the frame.] a hard day's work, boys![The scene changes to show a wide shot of the Exterior of the Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs pushes SpongeBob and Patrick out the door.]Patrick: But I don't work here![SpongeBob and Patrick run out of frame.]Mr. Krabs: See you later! [The scene shows a medium close up-of Mr. Krabs. He takes out Mrs. Puff's hair curlers.] Oh, that was a close one.[The scene changes to show a very wide shot of the park. Shelly Fishbowl is on a swing, Miss Shell is on a bench, and Cara is flying a kite. Halbert passes by the scene.]SpongeBob: [Off-screen] What do you want to do today?[The scene shows a medium tracking shot of Patrick and SpongeBob. SpongeBob is hunched over and is dragging his arms. Patrick is moving the top of his torso and head in the z-direction.]Patrick: I don't know. What do you want to do today?SpongeBob: I don't know. What do you want to do today?Patrick: I don't know. What do you want to do today?SpongeBob: I don't know. What do you want to do today?[The too stop moving. Patrick gasps and the scene pans out to show Lou with a balloon stand. The scene shows a close up of Patrick's head.]Patrick: I know what I want to do today![The scene shows a close-up of the balloons. They sparkle. The scene shows a medium shot of Patrick.] I need some money. [Patrick looks in left pocket] Uh. [He looks in his right pocket.] Oh. [He looks in his belly button. The scene shows an extreme close up of his belly button. It shows that there is some lint, a paper clip, and a ticket.] Oh... [The scene shows a two-shot of SpongeBob and Patrick.] [While shaking his head] I don't have any money.[The scene changes to a medium close-up shot of SpongeBob. Patrick leans in.]SpongeBob, I want a balloon really, really badly! [The scene shows a close up of SpongeBob and Patrick.] Really, really badly![The scene shows a wide shot of SpongeBob and Patrick. Patrick backs up.]SpongeBob: It's okay, Patrick. There's lots of money in [Points behind himself] the First National Bank of SpongeBob. [He turns and makes a rainbow appear] Follow me! [The two ride the rainbow until they land on the ground next to a cauldron that that the rainbow was leading into. SpongeBob picks up the cauldron. The scene shows a medium shot of SpongeBob. He tries to dump the contents of the cauldron out, but there is nothing in it. He looks in it and a Point-of-view shot shows that the cauldron is empty.] Uh-oh. I'm broke, too. [The scene changes to show a wide shot of SpongeBob and Patrick. SpongeBob throws the cauldron behind him.] and Maybe we could borrow money from Squidward?[SpongeBob turns around.]Patrick: No, wait! [The scene shows a close up shot of Patrick's face.] Instead of borrowing the money, why don't we just borrow the balloon?![The scene shows a medium close up shot of SpongeBob]SpongeBob: Yeah, like Mr. Krabs![The scene shows a two-shot of SpongeBob and Patrick.]Patrick: It's just borrowing, right?SpongeBob: Yeah, and borrowing is okay as long as we bring it back, right?Patrick: Right![The scene changes to show a wide shot of Lou giving a balloon to Monroe Timmy a balloon. SpongeBob takes a red balloon, while he whistles. He runs off. SpongeBob and Patrick run with the balloon, while laughing.]Patrick: This is so great![The two stop in downtown Bikini Bottom.]SpongeBob: We're going to have so much fun! First we can run with the balloon![The scene shows a two-shot of SpongeBob and Patrick.]Patrick: Yeah, then we can go to the beach with the balloon![The scene shows a close-up of SpongeBob.]SpongeBob: Yeah! then we can take a bike ride with the balloon. Then we can go to the movies and the arcade and the ice rink and the pizza shop![The scene shows a close-up of Patrick.]Patrick: And the moon and the sky and under a car, behind the dumpster![The scene returns to the two-shot of SpongeBob and Patrick.]SpongeBob: And the candy shop!Patrick: And then my backyard!SpongeBob: And in a plane!Patrick: And over a rock!SpongeBob: And under a hill!Patrick: And with a whale!SpongeBob and Patrick: We love borrowing![The balloon pops. Both look flabbergasted and sullen.]SpongeBob: It popped.[Both take another look, quietly. The scene shows a close-up, high angle, shot of the popped balloon. The scene returns to the two-shot of SpongeBob and Patrick. They start screaming. The scene does a close of Patrick.]Patrick: How are we going to return it now, SpongeBob?[The scene shows a medium shot of SpongeBob on the ground.]SpongeBob: [While picking up the balloon pieces] I got the pieces![The scene shows a medium shot of Patrick.]Patrick: [put his hands in the "air"] I got the air![The scene shows a two-shot of Patrick and SpongeBob.]SpongeBob: Hurry put the pieces on![SpongeBob puts the pieces in a balloon shape in the "air". It falls to the ground.] We popped the balloon!Patrick: Ga-heh!SpongeBob: We can't return it!Patrick: Wha-guh!SpongeBob: We're thieves!Patrick: Hi-yo-hoo!SpongeBob: We have to confess.[SpongeBob grabs some of Patrick's fat]Patrick: Confess?! [The scene shows a medium shot of the two. Patrick pushes SpongeBob away.] Are you out of your mind?! Do you have any idea what they do to people like us? We're not talking about some dumb mail fraud scheme or a hijacking here. [The scene shows a wide shot of the scene.] [As Jimmy Gus, Nancy, an anchovy holding a briefcase, and Dave walk up and stop, Bill, Nat, Tina Fran, and Fred look out their window, and a fish's head pops up from the sewers] We stole a Balloon! [The scene shows a medium shot of SpongeBob and Patrick.] [As Jimmy Gus Walks by] And they're going to lock us up forever.[SpongeBob covers Patrick's mouth.]SpongeBob: You're right, [The scene shows a medium shot of Patrick and SpongeBob][While he moves past the front side of Patrick, still covering Patrick's mouth] we've just got to keep our heads. Act normal.[The scene changes to a medium shot of the two. The two talk gibberish. SpongeBob walks in a circle sticking his tongue out. Patrick flops on the ground. SpongeBob starts flopping on the ground. He slides in a curve and then gets up. He grabs his tongue and starts shimmying around. Frankie Billy walks by and stops. Patrick starts crawling. SpongeBob jumps in the air, holding his tongue. He then twirls it around, when he is in the air. Patrick Starts bouncing around on his butt and SpongeBob turns his two eyes into one.]Frankie Billy: Wow, street performers![The scene shows a very wide shot of Frankie Billy, SpongeBob and Patrick. A crowd gathers around admiring the show. The crowd cheers. Patrick starts wobbling and SpongeBob moves his eyes around and wiggles his arms. The two stop.]SpongeBob and Patrick: [yelling] It's not working![The two scream and run away. They hit the Balloon cart.]Lou: Hi there![SpongeBob and Patrick scream and run away. The salesman looks confused]Lou: Hey! Don't you want a free balloon? It's National Free Balloon Day![SpongeBob and Patrick are shown running at a low shot.]Patrick: He's onto us![The scene shows SpongeBob running in a somewhat tracking shot medium shot.]SpongeBob: It's not safe for Bikini Bottom anymore. We've got to move fast and cover our tracks.Patrick: [running while carrying a can of red paint and making a line of red paint on the sand] I'm on it, SpongeBob![The two are shown running in a panning shot. The scene changes to show the top of a cliff outside of Bikini Bottom. SpongeBob and Patrick are looking at Bikini Bottom. Their backs are shown.]SpongeBob: Take a last look Patrick. We can never go back.[The scene shows the two from the front at a worms-eye view.]Patrick: [While waving] Goodbye, Bikini Bottom.[The scene shows SpongeBob in a medium shot.]SpongeBob: [while picking up hobo stick]We've only got ourselves and what we can carry on our backs.[The scene shows Patrick in a medium Close-up.]Patrick: [Picks up stick.] Yup.[Patrick struggles. The scene shows a wide shot of the scene. Patrick is shown holding a stick that is attached to a bundle that is attached to his house. Patrick stops.]SpongeBob: We're going to have to travel lighter.[The scene shows a shot of the sunset. Patrick and SpongeBob walk towards the sun. The scene changes to show SpongeBob and Patrick sitting next to a campfire at night in a very wide shot.]Patrick: I wanna go home.[The scene shows a wide shot of the two.]SpongeBob: We can never go home, Pat. We're wanted men. [The scene shows a medium shot of SpongeBob] We'll spend the rest of our lives running...running, but at least it's warmer on the fire.[The scene returns to the wide shot of the two.]Patrick: Hey, if we're underwater, how could there be a...[The fire goes out. An owl noise is heard.]Patrick: I'm scared, SpongeBob![The scene returns to the medium shot of SpongeBob]SpongeBob: No more nice, warm beds.[The scene shows medium shot of Patrick.]Patrick: Hey.[The scene returns to the medium shot of SpongeBob]SpongeBob: [saddened] No more Krabby Patties.[The scene returns to the medium shot of Patrick. He starts to tear up.]Patrick: Oh!SpongeBob: No more getting mail! (Originally "No more getting nailed! Followed by Patrick nailing himself) [A medium close up of Patrick is shown. He sucks his thumb. The scene shows a medium close up og SpongeBob is shown. He starts to tear up.] No more Gary! [A medium shot of Patrick is shown. He rocks back and forth.] [Off-Screen] No more movies! [The scene returns to the medium close-up of SpongeBob. He starts crying.]No more Squidward! [The scene returns to the medium shot of Patrick. He is still racking back and forth] [Off-screen] No more Sandy or Pearl or Mr. Krabs! [The scene returns to the medium shot of SpongeBob. He is holding a long list] [As he throws the list behind himself] No more anything![The scene shows a wide shot of SpongeBob and Patrick.]Patrick: [crying] I want ice cream![SpongeBob sniffles.]SpongeBob: But it doesn't have to be all bad, right? I mean, at least we have each other.Patrick: [losing sadness] Yeah!SpongeBob: And [The scene changes to show a medium shot of SpongeBob.] all that running is good for your buns and thighs, right?[A picture of a strong, muscular German man appear. He is wearing nothing but flower-styled shorts]Muscleman: Ya! Buns and thighs.[The scene shows a medium shot of Patrick.]Patrick: [Standing up] And the bitter cold, it's bracing, isn't it?![The scene shows a medium shot of SpongeBob. He looks like a cubit snowman.]SpongeBob: Yeah! Maybe being a felon could be... [breaks out of snowman] ...fun![Loosening tie] We can loosen our ties.[The scene shows a close up shot of Patrick with a green necktie on his head. There is an air bubble in his head.]Patrick: Yeah! [Unloosens tie from his head as the scene pans out until it is a medium scene. The air bubble stuck in there deflates. Patrick jumps, waving his hands]And we can fly![A wide shot is shown. The two are near a cliff.]SpongeBob: [While jumping of the cliff]Yeah![SpongeBob falls, screaming, and hits the ground with a thud.]SpongeBob: [echoing from the bottom]Okay, we still can't do that! [A wide shot of the two is shown.] [Crawling to Patrick] But at least we don't have to shave.[The two sit down. A medium close-up is shown.]Patrick: [While lifting his left leg] I'm way ahead of you, buddy![An extreme close up of Patrick's hairy left leg is shown. The scene of SpongeBob in a medium close up is shown.]SpongeBob: And you get to talk tough![SpongeBob is shown in a wide shot. He transforms his head into a 10-gallon hat.] [Imitating a cowboy.] This town ain't big enough for the two of us.[The scene shows a medium shot of Patrick.]Patrick: Uh, let me try: [Using a bad impersonation of a cowboy] Uh...hey, punk.[Patrick laughs. The scene shows a wide shot of the two.]SpongeBob: And the best part is: now that we're felons, we don't have to return anything we borrowed![The scene shows a very wide shot.]SpongeBob and Patrick: [jumping for joy]Yeah![The scene shows a medium shot of Patrick. He lands on his butt.]Patrick: And we owe it all to [Point at SpongeBob] you.[The scene shows a medium shot of SpongeBob]SpongeBob: What are you talking about? Taking the balloon was your evil plan.[The scene returns to the medium shot of Patrick.]Patrick: Oh, I'm nothing but a lot of talk! You're the one with the sticky fingers.[The scene returns to the medium shot of SpongeBob]SpongeBob: [blushes happily] Aw, Patrick...[The scene returns to the wide shot of the two.] you're the best bad influence ever!Patrick: You, too! [The two get up and hug.]I wish we had something to eat, though.SpongeBob: [As the two sit down and SpongeBob takes out two chocolate bars]Look what I've got!Patrick: [cheering] Rectangles!SpongeBob: Not just any rectangles...[The scene shows an extreme close up of the Candy bars] Candy bars![The scene shows a close up of Patrick's face.]Patrick: Oh![The scene returns to the medium shot of SpongeBob.]SpongeBob: All we have to do is make them last for the rest of our lives![SpongeBob gives one to Patrick. The scene returns to the medium shot of Patrick.]Patrick: Thanks SpongeBob. I think I'll eat it now! [Patrick takes big bite of the still-wrapped chocolate bar, finishes the rest and then sighs.] I think I'll eat it now. [Takes another big bite of his hand.] Ow! Who? [An extreme close-up of Patrick's hand is shown. The scene returns to the medium scene of Patrick.] Where'd my candy bar go? [Starts digging in sand] I must have dropped it.[The scene returns to the medium shot of SpongeBob.]SpongeBob: You just ate it, Pat. It's all over your face.[The scene shows a medium close-up of Patrick.]Patrick: [still looking] Where'd it go? I'm gonna starve. [Digs a big hole] Where'd it go?[The scene pans out to show that SpongeBob has been covered in sand. Patrick pops up from under SpongeBob.]Patrick: I can't find it! [The scene shows a close-up of Patrick's head] Where could it possibly be? [The scene shows a Point-of-view shot from Patrick.] Ahaha!SpongeBob: What?[The scene changes to show a wide shot of the two. Patrick jumps out of the hole and points at SpongeBob.]Patrick: You stole my candy bar!SpongeBob: No, I didn't.Patrick: Oh, so that's how it is, huh? Once a thief, always a thief.SpongeBob: You ate yours, [points to his candy bar] this is mine.[The scene shows a close-up shot of Patrick.]Patrick: You took my only food, [The scene pans down to show Patrick's stomach blasting with cellulite.] now I'm gonna starve.[The scene shows a wide shot of the two.]SpongeBob: [nicely] Here Patrick, just take half of mine.Patrick: Yours? You mean mine.SpongeBob: Do you want it or what?Patrick: I don't want it unless you admit you took it.SpongeBob: This is my candy bar![The scene shows a medium close-up of Patrick.]Patrick: Liar, liar, plants for hire.[The scene shows a medium close-up of SpongeBob.]SpongeBob: It's "pants on fire", Patrick.[The scene returns to the medium close-up of Patrick.]Patrick: Well, you would know... liar.[The scene returns to the medium close-up of SpongeBob.]SpongeBob: Well, if you're going to be that way... I'll eat it myself.[The scene returns to the medium close-up of Patrick.]Patrick: You better not! [The scene returns to the medium close-up of SpongeBob. He rips open the wrapper. The scene returns to the medium close-up of Patrick.] [fiercely]I'm warning you![The scene returns to the medium close-up of SpongeBob. He takes the candy bar closer to his mouth swaying his tongue up and down.][The scene shows a close-up of Patrick.]Patrick: Don't![The scene shows an extreme close-up of The candy bar and SpongeBob's mouth. SpongeBob moves his tongue closer, almost touching the bar.][The scene returns to the close-up of Patrick.]Patrick: Stop it![The scene shows a close-up of SpongeBob.]Patrick: [As SpongeBob chomps lightly on the bar] [Off-screen] Don't! [The scene shows a close-up of Patrick.] Oh![The scene returns to the close-up of SpongeBob. SpongeBob puts the bar in his wide opened mouth, his two teeth go across the surface of the bar, making a string line of chocolate][The scene returns to the close-up of Patrick.]Patrick: [Enraged] Ah! [The scene shows a medium shot of SpongeBob.] [As SpongeBob puts the bar through his head and moves them left to right.] Ah! [The scene changes to show a close-up of SpongeBob. He licks the candy bar. The scene shows a close-up of Patrick. He is shaking his head. SpongeBob is shown licking the Candy bar again. The close-up of Patrick is shown again. The medium close-up of SpongeBob. He slowly pushes the candy barn into his mouth. He starts chewing. A wide shot of the two is shown.] [angrily, while jumping in the air] You're a crazy person! I should have expected this after the way you stole that balloon!SpongeBob: Did I, Patrick, did I? Or did your criminal mind hypnotize me to steal it?!Patrick: Oh, [The scene shows a wide shot of the two.] that's it![Patrick stomps his foot down on the firewood. The fire lights up again. Patrick screams.]Patrick: First the balloon, now my candy bar... you're out of control! I'm...[menacingly] ...I'm telling on you.SpongeBob: [gasps] Not if I tell on you first![SpongeBob runs off-screen.]Patrick: I'll beat you there![He runs off-screen. The two are shown in running next to each other. The two are shown running from a worm's eye-view]SpongeBob: You're going to get in trouble.Patrick: No, you are![The scene shows an extremely wide shot of the two running closer to the foreground.][The scene changes to show the Bikini Bottom Police Station. The scene pans into the building. The scene shows the interior. It shows Officer Rob at the front desk.]SpongeBob and Patrick: He.. When.. him...[The scene then shows SpongeBob and Patrick in the point-of-view of Officer Rob]and the balloon.. and the boom... I...[The scene then shows a worm's-eye-view of the desk]Officer Rob: What can I do for you, boys?[The scene returns to Officer Rob's point-of-view.]SpongeBob and Patrick: [they look at each other] We stole a balloon! [both start sobbingPatrick: [off-camera] I'm not good.SpongeBob: [off-camera] We stole a balloon.[The scene returns to the medium close-up of Officer Rob]Officer John: [While walking into frame]What's the problem here?Officer Rob: Well, it appears these two stole a balloon.[The scene then shows a two-shot of SpongeBob and Patrick.]SpongeBob: [As he and Patrick hold back tears] What are you going to do to us?[The scene returns to the medium close-up of the officers. Officer John whisper to Officer Rob.]Officer Rob: Okay, follow me. [The scene changes to show a wide shot of Cell 1B.] [As SpongeBob and Patrick walk into the cell] If you can't do the time, don't do the crime. [Officer Rob closes the cell door. He waits a few seconds.] Okay, time's up. [He opens cell.] Now, get out.SpongeBob: But...But...we stole a balloon.Officer Rob: Yeah, on Free Balloon Day.[The Police officer laugh. The scene changes to a medium of the exterior of the Police Station. Officer Rob has some lollipops in his fin.] How about some lollipops for the roads, boys?[SpongeBob takes the lollipops. He gives one to Patrick.]SpongeBob: Let's vow never to borrow anything without permission again.Patrick: You said it! [The scene shows an extreme close up of part of the police station. The two put both their lollipops together, but Patrick's is already eaten. The scene shows a close up of Patrick's face. Patrick's mouth is covered with some lollipop residue]Patrick: All right! Which one of you flatfoots stole my lollipop? [The scene shows a wide shot of the four. SpongeBob and the two officers start laughing. Patrick joins in. The scene then shows the island with the moon and the laughing stops.] I mean it. bruh