[start ID: A series of tweets from verified Twitter user The_Weed.
First tweet: A message I want to share with adults who work with #ADHD kids is: pushing them the way that you push neurotypical kids harms them for life. Here’s what I mean. When I start working clinically with an adult who has ADHD, one of the first things we do /1
Second tweet: is we start to map out their trauma history. And I don’t mean non-adjacent childhood traumas (which are also relevant, but we get to those later) I mean their #ADHD-specific, childhood-based traumas that result from having ADHD while growing up in an ableist society. /2
Third tweet: As you can imagine, this is really sad stuff. Bright kids who were called lazy because they literally *could not* complete tasks the way teachers/parents wanted; hyperactive kids longingly watching their peers run and jump at recess while they sat staring at a math worksheet; /3
Fourth tweet: Worse stuff too— kids *abused* for not finishing chores or not getting A’s or forgetting— all while their brain will *literally* not let them— which creates this horrific feedback loop: fear causes more forgetting, which brings harsher punishment, causing more fear, and on and on /4
Fifth tweet: But the most pernicious phrase that tends to wreck kids, and then seems to ruin things past childhood, past college (if that happens) and into their 30’s, 40’s, 50’s and beyond, is: “you have SO much potential!” This phrase can be deadly for #ADHD kids and we need to stop. /5
Sixth tweet: Here’s why. When the phrase “you have so much potential” is shared with a neurotypical kid, it is a message of hope. It’s an adult seeing a child who has the capacity to do great things if they follow certain steps and make certain choices. It’s nurturing. It’s lovely! /6
Seventh tweet: But when the phrase “you have so much potential!” is used with a kid with #ADHD, whether intended or not, it is most often an ablist, micro-aggressive dig at their disability that tells the child that they should be striving for things that are actually impossible. /7
Eighth tweet: And then when the kid with #ADHD tries with ALL THEIR MIGHT to bridge the gap (examples below) to please the adult— to “meet their potential” in other words— they fail. Predictably. Naturally. And tragically. And the adult is disappointed in them. /8
Ninth tweet: And the problem is, it doesn’t stop there. Because at that point, often the adult is invested, and the adult’s ego is also on the line. So they say “okay, try again! Don’t give up! You can do it!” And the kid tries harder. And fails again. And again. And again. /9
Tenth tweet: And THEN the adult starts providing lots of ideas that help neurotypical folks saying “you can meet your potential if you just use these tools!” (Alarms, planners, apps, schedules, reminders, whatever.) And the kid has hope, and tries AGAIN. And fails AGAIN. And at this point /10
Eleventh tweet: The adult is exasperated and doesn’t understand why their “help” as a teacher or parent or counselor isn’t working. And the kid doesn’t understand either. And that’s when other horrible messages really take hold. Like “lazy” and “messy” and “unmotivated” and “disobedient.” /11
Twelve tweet: And the adult actually believes those labels because the adult really *could* see “potential” (like high IQ, or amazing musical aptitude, or incredible athletic ability) and now really believes the kid must just not *want* to get to rehearsal in time (or whatever) / 12
Thirteenth tweet: And that kid… that poor #ADHD kid is SO confused. Because they DO love the sport or skill or interest and they really DO love the adult and want to please them. And they didn’t. Over and over. So they really MUST just be lazy. Or unmotivated. Or careless. Or inconsiderate. /13
Fourteenth tweet: And now take that, and multiply it by every school year, by every class, by every teacher that sees something in them, by every unmet goal or hope or dream, year after year, situation after situation, disappointment after disappointment. What you get is an adult in despair. /14
Last tweet: What you get is an adult who actually believes they’re lazy and good for nothing. What you get is an adult who’s deeply depressed and unable to like any part of themselves, who has no idea the real truth that’s been their all along: They have an ADA-recognized disability. /15
