Only Awesome

She'd been sitting slightly removed on a sandstone outcropping for several minutes, studying the patches of mushrooms that illuminated Shatterscarp at night, when soft but heavy footsteps treaded behind her. She smiled to herself and shifted to one end of the outcropping even as Kai shuffled into view. She thought she saw a brief glimmer of a smile from him at the waiting seat.

"Joining me?" Syfrith asked lightly. Kai sat with a soft exhalation that approximated a laugh. Neither spoke for several minutes. Syfrith watched the desert and Kai stared at the carved whale talisman in his hands, turning it over in slow circles.

"...Can I ask you something?" he finally said, voice deeper, rougher, than usual.

"Of course." She dragged the toes of her boot in nonsensical patterns through the sand.

"Who'd you watch die?"

She flinched.

She'd partly expected the request for elaboration after their visit to the battle site that cost Tama's life. That didn't make the memory any less painful to exhume.

"My father." Her hand went to her own talisman; a worn symbol of Berath on a leather cord around her neck. "Did you want-"

"You don't have to-" Kai started at the same time.

They both stopped. Sat in silence.

"I don't really need details," Kai finally said, tracing the whale's tail with one fingertip. "I was just..."

Syfrith swayed in her seat when the sentence trailed off, so her shoulder bumped his arm. "I don't mind telling you." He nodded silent thanks as she gathered her thoughts. "My family had to deal with a lot of suspicion in Aedyr. Because of me." She splayed her hand in a gesture toward her fungal features. Ignored Sapadal's pulse of indignation. "Godlike child means a curse, even more when you can't tell which god. We... I got blamed for things going wrong, a lot. It was only in the last town that it escalated past dirty looks and whispers."

Kai sat silent, waiting.

"I don't even remember what set them off," she sighed. "If it was crop failure, or the thayn's child falling ill, or what did it. But they came after me. " Her grip tightened around the talisman. "In a mob. Figured if they could get rid of me, things would recover. And I don't think they were picky on the 'getting rid' method. I was young and scared" --terrified-- "and ran home because home would be safe."

She left off her brother had seen her coming and turned away.

"Father saw me, saw the mob, the bloodlust in their eyes and weapons in their hands, and ran out to meet me. Protect me." Her voice went thick. They loved me at one point. Maybe this was more detail than Kai wanted, but the context was important. No matter how much it hurt. "When they sensed the prey about to slip the net is when the rock throwing started." She let go of the necklace to rub the back of her arm, fingers pressing a scar under her sleeve. "They hit me a couple times before Father was able to shield me. And a... a big one hit him in the head. We made it inside before he collapsed." A deep breath, a reminder the suffocating desperation wasn't real, wasn't here. "He never woke up."

Kai grimaced.

"It took two weeks," Syfrith said heavily. "At first he would drink if we put it to his lips. But there was no reaction to... to us talking to him. No sign he was aware of anything. And then he wouldn't drink anymore and..."

And that's when my mother started hating me. Because I ran home. Because he died protecting me. Because I was so much godsdamned trouble.

"It does go quick after that," Kai muttered gruffly. "Sorry."

Syfrith shrugged. "I tried to tell myself I didn't make those kith throw rocks, that Papa chose to help me, but..." She sighed. "It's really hard not to blame yourself, isn't it?"

"Yeah." Kai's voice strained on the single word. He cocked his head at her, as if sensing the maelstrom of emotions that came with the memory. "You gonna be alright?"

"...Yeah." Glad I'm on watch another few hours, though. "What about you?" She nodded to the whale pendent. "You gonna be alright?"

"...Yeah." He squeezed it in one hand, as if he was thinking about flinging it into the darkness, but knew that would be foolish. "Soon as I stop feeling guilty for makin' a friend relive something painful, anyway."

"Hey." Syfrith pushed to her feet--which, ironically, put them just at eye level--and wagged a finger at him. "If I hadn't wanted to talk about it, I could've and would've told you to fuck off." She held his gaze. "It's not my favorite thing to talk about, but" --sucked her teeth-- "I don't... I trust you with it."

Something flickered across Kai's face before it went sober, almost bashful. "Thanks. Dunno if I deserve that, but thanks."

"You do," she said without hesitation. "The past is the past, and you've been there for me through so much shit, Kai." She leaned her forehead against his temple, carefully, so none of the growths would poke him. "I'm sorry about Tama."

"That was a long time ago--" he tried to deflect, even as he sagged into the contact.

"Not if you've been carrying it until now," Syfrith contradicted. "And if it hurts, it hurts. Doesn't matter how old or new."

Kai exhaled a deep breath through his nose. There was a long pause before he commented, "You're a good friend, you know that?"

"Never hurts to hear, so thanks." She stepped back and lightly punched his shoulder as she returned to her seat. "And it goes for you, too." All of them were good friends, but something felt deeper about her bond with Kai.

Probably the dying in front of him thing.

"Heh, thanks." Kai turned the carved whale pendent over in his hands a few more times, tucked it in a pocket as he pushed to his feet. "And thanks for your help."

"Anytime," Syfrith said, and meant it. "Now go get some sleep."

Kai chuckled. "Aye, aye." He gave a mock salute and lightly tapped his fist to her shoulder before shuffling back to his tent.

Syfrith smiled to herself, listening to his departure. One good thing that had come out of her personal tragedy; ending up here, and finding her people. Hopefully Kai would find a similar silver lining to his.