I want sprinkles @starf1337 - Tumblr Blog

"i ate too many cookies" is truly an ageless problem. an unlearnable lesson.

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doomtemparts

one of my friends in a discord server was talking about how they were nervous about their first scheduled acupuncture appointment. another friend offered to do a tarot reading for them. sent this picture.

makingtrouble

It's my cat's birthday (anniversary of me getting him) so I told him the story of his life while petting him real good

Highlights include:

For your first two years (when you were small) you lived in a foster home with people who raised you into a very polite young man. Two is like you plus me, that's what two is.

Some people adopted you before me and they called you Timmy (which is a stupid name) and they returned your ass almost immediately because you were so annoying at that age.

Like think about how annoying you are right now at seven years old, but way worse.

I'm better than them though, I don't call you Timmy and I wore earplugs to bed for three years because you love to scream at bedtime. Earplugs are like when I roll over and go back to sleep even when you are yelling so so so loud.

I got you at a time in my life when I was really sick (being sick is like when I'm up late because I'm throwing up and you are a very handsome good boy who sits with me) and they had to put me asleep for a procedure. A procedure is like what happened to you when they put you asleep and took your balls away.

Now you've lived with me for five years. Five is like the number of toe beans on one of your feet. When I clip your nails five is when we're halfway done. But we're hopefully not even halfway done with how long we get to be together. I'm gonna have to figure out new ways to help you count.

makingtrouble

Actually I've decided this is a poem

makingtrouble

This is getting notes so let me just say

Himb 💞💝💘💖💞💝

miseducatedmelanicmuse

cherrylimeade-l3sbian

emeleedahla on TikTok

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enki2

jerreeeeeee

the best analogy imo for ocd is mosquito bite. its so itchy its driving you crazy and you know scratching it will make it itch so much worse later but you need it to stop right now and scratching it feels so good and even when you dont want to scratch it and you feel like you could handle the itch you cant even stop your hand from scratching the second you stop focusing on not scratching. except ☝️ what if it was inside your brain and instead of an itch it was terrifying overwhelming distress

raindropocean-deactivated201811

Most of the cast of And Then There Were None answered this question with something like “Ooh I could never kill anyone. I’d have to poison them and run away”. Not Sam Neill.

nightmareofhands-deactivated202

missing dworkin today ❤️‍🩹

zombiifem

SHES THE ONE WHO SAID THAT?????? queen i never knew it was her

unrespectability

her full recollection 💖

xcounterforcex

> when he died he stopped

LMAOOO

serlyonel

𝔏𝔶𝔬𝔫𝔢𝔩 𝔅𝔞𝔯𝔞𝔱𝔥𝔢𝔬𝔫 𝔵 𝔗𝔢𝔵𝔱 𝔭𝔬𝔰𝔱𝔰

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childsacrifice

(no beers in) So how do you perceive me in the privacy of your thoughts

depsidase

baddywronglegs

I want to work in a treehouse where at most once a month someone has a question about something I'm obsessed with or allowed to lie to them about

utopians

duuuuuude you have GOT to come out tonight we're enacting cruelty upon those who have transgressed so badly that we can justify any act against them... and you KNOW we're interpreting our delight as moral righteousness... Yeah it's fucking crazyyyyyyy get an Uber

ganondorf

i think this captures the defining pathology of the collective social media psyche right now. we are in the thrall of people who are wantonly cruel but who also demand to be coddled at all times in every way

tedcruzisthezodiackiller

cheaphalloweencostume

do any of you even enjoy reading or watching fiction at all? if i wanted the plot with virtually nothing else i would read the wikipedia page

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estrogenesis-eeveeangelion

well maybe you should blearily wake up at 5:08 in the pre-dawn light and find the sleeping soft tiny mammal body of your cat just inches from your head like a miracle too beautiful for speech, and you should rustle one hand out from your blankets to rub fingertip circles across the warm eggshell dome of her little velvet-wrapped skull and on the bristly patches just where the cups of her ears begin, and as she inclines her head into your fingers and purrs without ever opening her little eyes you should feel a love so tender that you understand how that love could have reached out from the fireside into the inky spangled nights long gone to reach her, and then you'll feel better

estrogenesis-eeveeangelion

i am at a complete loss as to how to adequately express to you how much this cat throws up yeah

can-i-make-image-descriptions

[Image ID: Tumblr tag from hotTubSharts reading: and then maybe she'll wake you again at 6 to the sound of her puking on the floor. maybe /End ID]

sandmandaddy69

derinthescarletpescatarian

You're right but don't say it like that

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I want sprinkles