my current best understanding is, consciousness raising as a form of material analysis = self-honouring, radical observations and generalizations based on collectively acquired and re-examined, direct lived experiences. we cannot productively generalize from the outside in. our best source of insight into the circumstance and motivations of any group of uniquely antifeminist women (trans-identifying women, ultraconservative women, rape apologists, pro-forced-birth women, so on and so forth) are direct accounts from those among us that had embodied that political alignment before gaining radical feminist class consciousness.
that does not mean we do not get to engage with, argue with, criticize those women, and tear apart their politically fraught and dangerous arguments when we are presented with them. that does not mean we do not analyze and criticise their public statements, rationalizations, art, don't expose the logical and ideological inconsistencies within their rhetoric when they publicly articulate said rhetoric, don't observe and point out the apparent implications of it that are demonstrably regressive, oppressive and dangerous to female class interests. it does not mean we do not observe patterns of their thinking and behaviour from our direct interactions with them and our own lived experience whenever it has intersected with theirs
what it does mean is that the position of an ultra-conservative misogynistic woman, for example, is inherently different than the position of an ultra-conservative misogynistic man, and while their politics and arguments may be the same, their internal condition is fundamentally different. we can generalize and extrapolate about that internal condition to a degree, we even Must do that - but we must also resist the urge to over-simplify it in ways that overshadow the vital input we may get from their own self-reflection, when offered by women who have come to feminist consciousness following a period of a violently anti-feminist politic. because feminist action requires not only an ideological debate with the political opponent of indeterminate sex, but also a vested interest in and an intense curiosity about the genuine condition of all women worldwide.
obviously if the vocally violently anti-feminist women are the last group of women you want to spend your energy on understanding, that's completely fine. there are many more that need your help and the urgency of your care. but that also means that those of us naturally inclined to understand them more intimately, from our own direct lived experiences, conversations and viscerally informed generalizations, will think that you sound ignorant when you generalize about them without any evident sign of their genuine earnest input. i promise they have more interesting and much more intensely self-critical things to say than what you may come up with on your own
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Thank you for calling out the faux feminism and tma/tme upside down world posting. It’s chilling how many of these i’ve probably liked and reblogged not knowing the “men” in these posts are! Gender non conforming women! Like! Wtffffff so evil
Also i appreciate how you’re very compassionate and never fall into humiliating/belittling abuse victims/women who are self harming in one way or another. It’s very messed up how many feminists are ok with doing so. Literally none of us escape male supremacy unscathed
it truly is evil it is also incredibly infuriating i hope their TMA fingers atrophy so they could never post their bullshit anymore lol
💖
unfortunately and thankfully and tragically and beautifully and ironically, the edgy feminists in question are also women who have not escaped unscathed, so i think we have to love all of them even when we want to tear their heads off. like we want them to love the abused conditioned women even when they want to tear those women's heads off. feminist class consciousness is a crazy crazy trip
Sitting here listening to my father’s cough and it’s like he’s never even thought about being considerate of others. Thinking about how women are conditioned to suppress coughs/sneezes/etc and how that’s unhealthy but surely there’s a middle ground between an unhealthy suppression and just being as loud as you want with no regard for others. IDK just a silly little example of how men and women act differently on a subconscious level and I don’t think either model is the one we should aspire to.
ANON YOU'RE SO VALID one of the main things Scout and i have become like incapable of tolerating is how unselfconsciously LOUD men are with every single sound from their voices to their laughter to their coughing it is REPULSIVE for everything it represents
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“the constant over-emphasis on how HORRIBLY IMPORTANT it is to be open to dating a transfem DOES KIND OF MAKE IT A TEST so ofc women are excited for a chance to "pass" lol we are good well-behaved students!!!”
^^^ SO TRUE. Like we’re trying to navigate the rules as they were given to us!! And they’re stupid but we’re not allowed to say that!!
(context)
so valid of you honestly but frankly i didnt even THINK they were stupid at the time i was just like "YAY TEST :D" afjahtkja i LOVE TO BE KIND !!!! i think ultimately they find our pure-hearted people-pleasing ANNOYING but they find anything else profoundly offensive bc they just hate women and every emotion we express is repulsive to them on an instinctive level!!!! awesome
Backrooms movie thesis: men are in love with their own misery they wish to be enveloped in endlessly, and so they resent the world for pushing and hoping for them to break free, while women have to fight tooth and nail for a chance to walk in the sun
I’m going to say something that might sound crazy. Suicide and suicide attempts are sort of a societal alarm bell that says “something is very wrong with the environment this individual was in.” A living being choosing to take themselves out of existence is the most extreme act of distress there is. The state stepping in to silence this alarm bell by funneling suicidal people into a state sanctioned euthanasia program, normalizing this act through a socially accepted bureaucratic system, is not a good thing. It goes hand in hand with the state’s interest in maintaining the status quo at the expense of the population and the psychiatric industry’s interest in individualizing societal problems to extract profit and aid the existing system. It’s saying “there are no complaints here, just people with sick brains, carry on.”
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Backrooms movie thesis: men are in love with their own misery they wish to be enveloped in endlessly, and so they resent the world for pushing and hoping for them to break free, while women have to fight tooth and nail for a chance to walk in the sun
'For example, the shape we call a heart - whose symmetry resembles the vulva far more than the asymmetry of the organ that shares its name - is probably a residual female genital symbol. It was reduced from power to romance by centuries of male dominance'
Gloria Steinem's foreword in Eve Ensler's The Vagina Monologues
adverse experiences are so stupid like the kind of neuroses they give you are so humanity 101 its like im a baby. "waaa waaaaa how do i rectify saying 'not raping and molesting and violating through objectification is extremely easy i do it every day' with my readiness to take accountability for any genuine harm i have perpetuated or might perpetuate" very easily its called living your stupid life and being a human being who is not a rapist. thank you mama for not birthing me with an ocd this is embarrassing enough already
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obviously "everyone has the capacity for causing harm, including sexual harm" is incredibly important to internalize for purposes of personal accountability, self-inventory and community building, but it's also such like. a mindfuck to have to pretend this means there is no difference between me and a pedophilic man psychologically. and there is no way of articulating that that Doesn't kind of sound like i am complacent and secure in my capacity to avoid causing sexual harm, which would sound bad, but it's also incredibly embarrassing to even try and equate us. what a fucking trip. and then behind it all is the systemic force of male sexual sadism which makes it all even more of a joke. but I AM HUMAN AND HUMAN BEINGS HAVE THE CAPACITY TO CAUSE HARM ETC ETC but how fucking stupid to even try and talk about it. and what an embarrassment to women who have survived sexual harm to have to grapple with slivers of possibility of perpetrating it ourselves. while men do fuck all. but we need to do better if we want communities. good fucking lord
something else i've been waiting to articulate is that. it is perhaps a #skill issue on my end but i actually Do struggle to see sexual abusers as normal human beings. and that does not mean i imagine them as like. distinctly sinister in ways that your neighbour Average Joe is not, because i 100% will believe that any random average joe is a sex pest. and i 100% understand the importance of asserting that a rapist man or a child molester man can display any number of pro-social qualities / be funny and nice / be kind to animals / be a passionate activist / stand up for the weak one moment and abuse them the next. i agree! but i cannot see it as like... human of them, ultimately. as in i think pretty much everything about my father (his status his money his career his competence his humour his style his interests his beliefs his politics his daily life his house the car he drives the food he eats) in one way or another are like... an elaborate performance of humanity and normalcy and adequate human lifestyle that provides for his main mission in life, which is to be a pedophilic misogynistic sex pest. i don't think he himself has rectified the divide between 'humanity' and his actual actions internally, which is why chronic sexual abusers are also pathological liars. and it's because their sexual victimization of others is not an "equal" expression of their psyches alongside with like, what their favorite song is and whether they're great with dogs or kids or at parties. i think one takes precedence over the other and i think they have chosen to be sexually opportunistic and abusive (otherwise they would not abuse), and so everything else is the performance they construct to keep living a life in which people give them access to victims to abuse
this is an emotionally formed/informed mindset that is not perhaps the most politically productive (one of its greatest weaknesses is that i can rarely summon rage towards perpetrators of incomprehensible sexual harm, because to me they are black holes, voids, vacuums of humanity, they are cogs in a machine of existential horror, their existence is so incomprehensibly terrifying that my psyche refuses to see them as human, so it feels more 'productive' to be enraged with actual human beings that enable them; i am aware of it and i want to work towards challenging it, because i don't think this is entirely helpful and healthy); but at the same time it just genuinely feels like there is like. an ancient evil in them that they chose and harboured and nurtured, and it matters to them more than anything else does or could. i don't think they're incomprehensible unique monsters that can never be mistaken for a cool kind chill guy, but i think once they choose habitual sexual violence they aren't really 'normal human beings' anymore
I don't have much to say but this is just very interesting to me because I've always seen it as a very human behavior. I see most types of violence as very human. This could also be because I am a very violent person though (PHYSICALLY OBVIOUSLY NOT SEXUALLY) so like the act of hurting someone is something I know very well. I know personally just how human that is to do so I can extrapolate that to other types of violence.
I also think of humans not very differently than animals. I don't believe in anything spiritual or religious. We are just animals like any other and these forms of violence are in every species. Violence of all types is human because in all its forms it's part of what it means to be alive. The cycle of life is eat or be eaten. It is the horrible game between male and female animals evolving to have more power over the other sexually (think ducks).
The idea that the rest of their person is just a mask to get victims is very strange like idk I've never been able to see it like that. I cannot separate the humanity from what they did which is why it's so upsetting. You have to understand this is person in the same way you are. They have an equal amount of internal processing. You are just as much your violence and you are your kindness. I am both the time I concussed a kid and the time I gave a homeless friend a place to sleep. They are both me and neither of them are a mask. It's the same with every other person, including the ones who commit extreme acts of violence. You are just as capable of it as they are.
The man who tried to rape me was also my friend. He had a real love for certain game series we played together, he loved fashion and picking out outfits for our friends. He was my co captain and a wonderful leader to our team. Even the girls team, he even helped work with me to make it so the male team saw them as equals. He still tried to assault me when I got drunk around him. All those things are equal parts of his character. They don't exist without eachother. If he was not the person who loved fashion and video games then he wouldn't be the same person who felt the need to have power over me. It didn't even actually matter to him more than anything else, he loved other things so deeply. At the end of the day what he did to me was so extremely human in its horror. I knew him personally and I know what hurt me was deeply human.
Also like this gives you more insight on enablers I think. They do this because they can see the humanity in them, so because they see this humanity surely they must be someone who could be saved. The enablers believe like you do (or the ones I've talked to at least) to be a sexual abuser you have to give up your humanity. You are committing an inhuman act. So then they think well if I can see the humanity, surely he can't be a sexual abuser? If being sexually abusive is not human then you can't ever see it in the people you love because you know so deeply that they are.
it's a very psychological thing for me, so it's 100% understandable that we would have different perspectives and insights (this could also be affected with our respective relationships with the perpetrators; my relationship with my father was extremely hollow at the end of the day safe for his constant affection, and now that i can look at just about every part of that affection as sexually motivated, there isn't a part of our relationship that is salvageable at the end); but i do just want to clear a couple things up because i don't want to risk being misinterpreted with them:
- i absolutely want to emphasize that, at least in my experience and understanding of it, this is a mindset PROFOUNDLY DIFFERENT from enablers'; i do not think a normal human being with genuine normal emotions and pro-social qualities CANNOT be a genuine predator, predation just immediately instinctively CANCELS OUT every other quality in my psyche. i really really want to emphasize that. my mindset stil has serious flaws & i have acknowledged so much, but i want that very very explicitly understood, specifically because the enabler mindset has hurt me so personally: i have no issue rejecting any single person and holding them accountable, regardless of my affection for them and my previous experience with their humanity, at any suggestion of sexual harm. my not being able to rectify sexual harm with humanity much more so makes me numb to any expression of their humanity in the context of sexual harm. i understand this may still be too close to the enabler mindset, but if that is the case that is something i'd have to work through in private or in therapy and not on tumblr lol because genuinely the idea of being seen as enabler-adjacent is extremely upsetting; for now i ask for the benefit of the doubt that there is a profound difference here
- when i said "the rest is an elaborate performance", that once again was informed by my experience with my father; i see him as basically nurturing an addiction in himself. he has all the patterns: his infidelity habits are incredibly cyclical and chronic, they are a monetary investment (have to take time off work and pretend it's a work trip, have to have enough money for gifts and restaurant dates, have to buy a house in the countryside or another flat in the city to have somewhere to go to reliably), and they leave him a chronic liar who has to hide a huge part of his life from his family. sexual opportunism has been a genuine lifestyle for him; he has structured his life around making it possible to cheat on his wife for 20 years and imbue his every day with at least a little bit of sexual gratification at the expense of objectified women and girls. he has such little self-control that he flirted with one of the best friends of his extremely young second wife IN FRONT OF ME AND HER, at my half-sister's BAPTISMAL PARTY; he has such little self-control that he oggled my school friend in my line of sight and showed such obvious favoritism for her that it became a "joke" in our friend group. when i say this is the driving force in his life what i mean by that is that i have not seen anything he would not sacrifice for it, and that he has lied about so much in order to enable himself that i cannot trust any single thing he says about it or anything else; for all i know everything but the predation and the objectification and the opportunism were a lie. when he was leaving the family he painted himself as pathetic and heartbroken and sobbed in my lap, and for a while i felt bad for HIM for CHOOSING to be open about his infidelity for once, after psychologically abusing and gaslighting my mother for nearly 20 YEARS !!!! he felt soooo sad leaving us kids behind so that he could live with a woman the age of his oldest son, but he just cannot help LOVE! which is sooo different from all that Other cheating, which was Not love, but which he still couldn't help, lol. when i actually got angry with him (not even for the predation yet), he got angry BACK. no more pitiful "woe is me" self-flaggelation and groveling and sniffling and asking if i could ever forgive him. once i even Hinted at a boundary and occasionally revoked access to me as a consequence of his direct actions, all that was left was indignant rage. he PRETENDS that his sexual opportunism is something complex and ensouled and heartfelt and interacting with his humanity, leaving him suffering, but underlying it there is nothing but endless insatiable entitlement & the belief that there is Nothing reprehensible about him doing as much lying and violation as he needs to in order to meet his "needs". i have not met anyone else yet whose psychology is so profoundly defined by a relentless pursuit of using others at every turn, it is fucking terrifying. ever since i Did confront him about the predation and actually revoked access to me, i have not heard a genuine word from him. it has all just been endless lies, manipulation, half-truths in hopes that a half-truth will somehow placate me, and him hallucinating an internal turmoil i REMEMBER he did not have as he was preying on me. there is no human heart to it, there is only an endless sense of entitlement to me because i have usurped and stolen the pretty little girl that used to live in his house and used to give him endless jerk-off material, whether that be through my complacency or through my discomfort at violation, and i'm telling him he cannot have her anymore, and he does not like not having his toys in a row on a shelf to pick up whenever he chooses
all that being said; i find what you are saying about humanity and violence very interesting. also a couple thoughts here:
- i have less experience with being physically violent (my rage capacities are very repressed), as well as physically attacked, but i would say it has much more to do with survival instincts and potential misfiring of survival instincts, correct? obviously there are different types of violence, some of it is sadistic and some of it is survival-motivated; the two probably have different hormonal interactions within them as well. + adrenaline-driven violence can be misplaced rather than self-protective as well. but if we are talking about humans as animals (which we are!), instinctive and "natural" violence the way i understand it comes either from a pursuit of domination or the survival instinct and need to protect oneself; sadistic violence seems to grow out of the pursuit of domination, but it is much more specific and fine-tuned and psychological than blunt over-powering; and a lot of sexual violence i believe to be sadistic in nature
- i am not opposed to the idea of sexual violence reflecting underlying biological reproductive dynamics and finding root in them; i Would say those dynamics are actually very very varied from species to species even Within nature, so while the push for reproductive male domination may be more or less universal, the forms as well as successes vs failures of it are shaped by various forces outside of it; and again, humanity has a whole psychological layer that cannot be understated, and men's sexual sadism takes on extremely specific forms that undeniably are Rooted in reproductive dynamics but at this point have so little to do with the most basic forms of them. i love to bring humanity down to earth and remind us all we are in fact animals and mammals, but i think a lot of the time we kind of broadly state one thing over the other ("humans are an evovled species" vs "humans are just animals"), w/o really acknowledged the complex and ugly interplay of the two
when i say these habitual perpetrators have harboured an ancient evil in them, what i mean by that is that they have embraced a biological imperative for sexual domination in its profoundly human, culturally / traditionally informed forms (pedophilic / necrophilic / zoophilic / biastophilic fixations are not somehow inborn and natural, they have no obvious immediate evolutionary purpose, they are dependent on our cultural contexts and the largely-misogynistic propaganda fed to men); and in that, they are already way too distant from what is "natural" to us as a species and what is beneficial to us as a society. it is not just instinct and it is not just culture, it is instinct warped by culture, and they have decided that they love the tingle that combo gives them and they will run with the scripts the culture has provided and will max out at getting off to violating others for as long as they get the freedom to do so
thank you for sharing about an extremely vulnerable experience; i'm so sorry he would do such a thing to you, that is terrifying and heartbreaking and profoundly traumatizing. what you're describing is making me think of the word "opportunism" again: it didn't happen randomly, it happened when you were vulnerable, and he had to be close to you the rest of the time to be next to you when you were vulnerable. in my emotional understanding of it, opportunism involves harbouring an urge most of them know is unrecrifiable with their public persona and even their own understanding of themselves, and keeping it hidden for long enough until an opportunity comes along. that is the part of their psychology that makes me think it is profoundly defined by performance. if they experienced their propensity for sexual violence the same as anything else they care about, the two wouldn't clash in their own minds in my opinion, and they wouldn't have to live a lie - and i think a lot of them are lying to themselves about whether they have perpetrated harm or not
