known associate of sleepytime tea bear

shout-out to the guy at the ceiling fan factory that makes sure every fan has a regular speed setting and then also a setting where it spins so fast that you just know it's going to fall out of the ceiling and kill you

not being productive or relaxing but a secret third thing

djs should face constant threat of elimination when they’re dj’ing. they should be standing on a trapdoor and everyone in the audience should get a little clicker with a button and if enough people press the button the trapdoor opens sending the dj tumbling into a purgatorial abyss. no more tyranny of the dj. let the people have a say

the thing about art is that sometimes you'll be moved to tears by stuff that is not very good

I wasn’t built to be employed. I need to stay up until 4 am like a normal person

god made me bisexual because he knew it wouldn't make a difference

when you save alarms for specific things but then you just keep reusing them. like sure wake me up at the chocolate milk alarm, what do i care

forgot until just now that when i went to the grocery store today i turned down the oil/vinegar aisle and there was a store employee stocking the shelf and he said "welcome to the land of wonders" to me for some reason

forgot until just now that when i went to the grocery store today i turned down the oil/vinegar aisle and there was a store employee stocking the shelf and he said "welcome to the land of wonders" to me for some reason

i hate the part of depression that’s like all the things that bring me joy are empty and i can’t do anything. like come on bitch i know you love book can you just be happy about book :/

one of the top ten worst sensory feelings? drinking something and accidentally spilling it directly into your cleavage instead of your mouth. for those without boobs, i know this sounds like a comically impossible infomercial situation but it actually happens a lot ok