when you leave here by Idday shane & teen hazing… supports my “shane did not have it the worst, but shane sure witnessed what would have happened to him without his godlike hockey skill” theories

i was raised out in the cold by lavenderprose this is good and wonderful and deep or whatever and i loved shane being scared of farming equipment but honestly i’m just a fan of roadside car sex

something in the movies by liveinsalt i loooooved this shane and yuna… wrow…..

a diorama of us making a diorama by rockbound oh ilya and his no good very bad childhood… i loved this version of his and his brother’s relationship

the intricate brocade of this happiness by waxing__crescent ohhhhh my ilya ohhhhh the impossibility of explaining the experience of childhood trauma to someone who had a happy childhood

you’re the new god we’re worshipping by geniflux aka shane should get to kill everyone ever shane should get to explode the sun. i’m always a fan of when a fic has shane confronted with a younger asian player and i think this is spot on

your famous golden touch by anonymous anon if you ever are so inspired please hmu so i can talk to you about my theories and ask you about my manifestos. however i also respect the mystery of anonymity and salute you for your service. anyways. this is like 10 degrees to the left of the sex worker ilya au i am always looking for

fall in love again and again...

send me an ask if you have a more specific question!

—

most commonly:

points are not the same thing as goals!!!

goals are what determines the score of the game. points are given to the individual players. teams get points via the W-L-OTL system (this determines playoff spots). the outcome of the game gives the team in general points.

players get points by: getting an assist on or scoring a goal - assisting points are given to the second last player to touch the puck before a goal. the opposing team cannot get an assist on their own net.

a goal and an assist are both equal to 1 point

points for players are accounted for separately by regular season and playoffs — this is the biggest factor in determining awards

the same rules apply to goalies

teams get points by:

winning in regulation, overtime, or shootouts is equal to 2 points

losing in overtime or shootouts is equal to 1 point

losing in regulation is equal to 0 points

for playoffs, the top 3 teams from each division (atlantic, metropolitan, central, pacific) clinch their playoffs spot. the remaining four spaces are the wildcards, which are given to the two teams from each conference (eastern and western) with the highest points total regardless of their division

for example, there could be 5 teams from the atlantic division in the playoffs while the metropolitan division only has 3

during playoffs, there are no shootouts. if the score is tied, both teams will play as many 20-minute periods of 5-on-5 overtime as it takes for the tie to be broken.

more detailed breakdown below the cut!

see: scheduling, roles/lines, penalties, suspensions, fines

Hiroshi Nagai's paintings need sunglasses to look at.

They look like how it feels to walk across a parking lot on a 98° summer day without a speck of shade in sight.

They look like heaven but also like you'd burn your bare feet on the ground.

Even when you can see shade you know it's not enough and the minute you step out you'll be burnt to a crisp like a vampire.

This feels like I could trip on that radio and fall right into that water, feeling the crystal waves as I drop in.

And this, a nice stroll down a resort strip, where my sunscreened skin could literally feel cooked if I leaned too close to the tiling.

And then a nice stretch of summer street, wherein you could see your face in the flushed red of that car provided it didn't blind you from its sunny reflections.

I’m very happy that the fandom has discovered such cute Russian pet names as kotyonok, solnyshko, dorogoy and so on. Good job, guys! People do use them when talking to their partners, spouses or children. I’ll give my opinion on those fandom nicknames as a person born and raised in Russia before moving to a different country. One important thing: I will start with general notes using hetero couples as an example, you'll understand later why (it’s a long read).

From my experience, most Russian men use pet names twice less often than women. Well, maybe it was my fault to chose wrong men with communication issues, and other Russians would disagree with me… Yet, I’ll still say that an average Russian man has a small vocabulary of words and phrases to show affection. Usually, it’s women, who use various nicknames for their partners, best friends and children (and they don't repeat them, every person has their own nickname, sometimes even several), and men either don't use such words or choose one and keep it.

So, if a tough Russian man wants to use a pet name, what options would he have? 1. The safest option is a short form of his partner’s name + a diminutive suffix

Russian is a flexible language, and it has lots of different ways to form new words. And the name system usually put learners of Russian into a coma (probably a topic for the next post). How would it look like? A man dates a woman called Elena (Елена). A short form of Elena is Lena (Лена). We take a root “Len” and a suffix “ochk,” then add an inflection “a”. (Лен + очк + а). It makes Lenochka, Леночка. That’s it. 

2. Common pet names

Usually cute animals, or something small, or words with diminutive suffixes. You already know some of them, solnyshko is “little sun,” kotyonok is “a kitten,” malysh or detka is “a baby,” luchik is “a small ray of light.”

3. Something ironic or fun, unexpected word choice, inner jokes

A strange word, that’s rarely used as a pet name. Or, a really formal way of addressing, like a full name + patronymic (Ilya Grigoryevich, Elena Alexandrovna…), but usually said ironically or playfully. Some people can even call their beloved ones by their surnames, though also playfully or ironically. 

Now let’s move to Ilya. I’ll highlight some key moments in his story, which, in my opinion, define a lot in his character, including language habits.

As I mentioned, affectionate language is usually associated with women, not men (traditional views on gender roles). Boys can hear pet names either from their moms or girlfriends, if they actually do so (there are also women who don't use such a language). Ilya’s mom died when he was 12. Grigoriy in books and the show doesn't look like a man who can be soft with his sons. We don't have any information if his new wife was close with Ilya and his brother. And the brother… Well, you got it.

Second, Ilya is a professional hockey player. Children can officially join hockey schools at the age of 5 but some start even earlier, at 3 or 4. At some point, Ilya’s talent became obvious, and his coach told so his parents, so they decided to invest into his career. What does it mean?

Practices, routine, discipline, low tolerance to mistakes, high expectations. One important cultural moment. Ilya was born in June 1991, right before the USSR disappeared. Russian sport schools inherited Soviet sport traditions. I think everyone is familiar with some stereotypes about the coaching style in the Soviet Union, right? Moreover, here is a fact from rl. The Russian society started to think about the coaching style only in the mid 2010-s, maybe even later (figure skating and rhythmic gymnastics caused the biggest discussions). Some people started to think that coaches are too strict to children, some believed that nobody could become no. 1 without strict discipline. Why am I saying this? Ilya was likely raised in a tough environment with zero tolerance to mistakes and weakness. Maybe, a children’s coach was chill and fun at the begging but when it became clear that Ilya could make it to the professional hockey league, the coaching style must have changed. Also, if you watch videos with mic’d up hockey players, you’ll hear lots of profanity. Even though they usually remember that people can hear their words and maybe even try to watch their language for the first 5 minutes.

So, Ilya had no place where he could learn affectionate language. Neither his family, nor his environment could teach him so. Btw, it’s a good trope for therapy sessions, when Galina asks Ilya how he shows his feelings to people.

Okay, Ilya doesn’t speak affectionate language but he has dated women and probably figured at some point that if he calls Svetlana Svetohcka, Svetik or malyshka, it can give him some benefits. But Ilya is dating a man.

Shane is a professional athlete too, who lifts heavy weights, gets punched in the face or in the ribs regularly, had a concussion and a fractured collarbone. His mom is not just “a regular mom” but a manager, so they shift their roles from “mom and son” to “manager and client.” So, Shane probably hasn’t really heard lots of pet names in his life too, though his family is obviously healthier than Ilya’s. He’s half Japanese, and when he started his professional journey, hockey was mostly white (and it’s still like that, though there’re more biracial players than it used to be). Shane definitely heard racial slurs and had to answer them. Moreover, his vocabulary is also not roses and honey, how many times did he call Ilya an asshole?

So, Shane for Ilya is still a part of the hypermasculine world with little room for sentiments (do you have though such a word in English, lol). Even if Ilya wakes up one day with a perfect affectionate vocabulary, there’s no guarantee that Shane would immediately like it. He’ll probably be surprised.

Also, if we talk about kotyonok. In some fics, Ilya compares Shane to “a kitten” when he’s angry (Russian fic writers sometimes do it too btw). Well, children may look cute when angry (though some parents would disagree after dealing with their screaming angel for an hour). But a 185 cm meter tall, 90 kg hockey player would probably look scary when he’s angry, wouldn’t he? If we stay in the feline world, then it would be an angry tiger, I guess.

So, what to do if you wanna make Ilya a hot thing with the tongue well hung, not a man with avoidant attachment behavior and communication issues?

Rachel Reid already did it. If you remember, Ilya uses strange pet names for Shane, like moy pomidor (my tomato). IMHO, it suits Ilya’s character perfectly. He kinda uses a phrase reminding a pet name but chooses a strange, not cute or sexy word for it, and he does it in Russian, which Shane doesn’t speak. Shane doesn’t understand the phrase and gets confused, unsure whether he was just insulted or praised. He googles pomidor, figures out it means tomato and… He either laughs or rolls his eyes, and calls Ilya an asshole. Perfect.

I also find this option safe for them, if we talk about the timeline when they’re still in the closet. Like, Ilya gets drunk at the charity evening or after the All Stars game and suddenly calls Shane something. If he says kotyonok in front of Russian-speaking players, they might be fucked up. But if Ilya says pomidor, he can get away with it, explaining to the Russians that he just mocks Shane, using random words he wouldn’t understand.

What can you do as fic writer when you wanna use kotyonok or solnyshko?

Just go for it. You like these words, your audience does too, it’s a match. Fanfiction is for fun, we don’t write academic papers there. You own your fantasy.

What can you do, if you wanna add some “Russian spice” but still keep Ilya affectionate?

Just keep in mind his background and let him learn things. You can show his development, how he started with “boring” and moy pomidor and then moved to solnyshko. There could be a difference after their coming out, like Ilya could be more relaxed when they don’t need to hide anymore. You can compare him to Shane, how would Shane react when he turned from “boring” to malysh? Would he stop using “asshole” as an equivalent for “I love you” in this case?

I think the thing is Ilya presented this persona for so long, this hyper-confident, hyper-sexual winner. A guy who doesn't get lonely, doesn't feel insecure, and doesn't need comfort and care. And Shane bought into that! We see it in HR where Ilya's fishing for compliments because Shane never compliments him (he thinks his attraction to Ilya goes unstated, and Ilya knows how hot he is, right?)

Shane is genuinely shocked by how lonely and sad Ilya is because he has never imagined Ilya that way. I think it's important to remember they've known each other for over a decade. A decade of Shane watching Ilya front for the cameras, a decade of them circling each other trying not to slip up and reveal too much. Vulnerability is a foreign language in this relationship.

To me the relationship sin in TLG is that they both start to have deeply misaligned views of the other. Shane's imagining Ilya as having a blast in Ottawa with his cool new team, hosting parties and going to gay bars with Troy fucking Barrett, the asshole who's been giving him shit on the ice for years. He's imagining that Ilya doesn't give a fuck about hockey anymore, the thing that always tied the two of them together. Meanwhile Ilya is imagining Shane as only caring about hockey, to the point that he'd cut Ilya loose if it was convenient for him. He's imagining Shane as this almost Machiavellian figure who's arranged his neat and perfect life and Ilya is just this piece that doesn't fit. He's imagining he's about twenty times more in love with Shane than Shane is with him.

Raiders: 👀

Ilya: My Jane said she will send me glasses pic if we win tonight!

Raiders who have experienced this before: Fuck yeah brother 😫🙏

Ilya: So I am not loosing to New fucking Jersey and missing a picture of my pretty Jane in her glasses!

lover's spit mature, 12k, ongoing. the last boston year: moments apart. spit kink and like. the mention of foot fetishes, but mostly feelings. and, well, spit kink.

i could have been somebody else teen, 4k, oneshot. rose and shane friendship, after the breakup. rose doesn't know why men think she should be so desperate to suck dick. shane offers his experience. oh my god, the way i love this fic. rose landry we GOTTA get you a dick for this man to suck. i promise you will be changed. LOVELY friendship too. this author's works make me feel like a dog that's just heard the treat bag rattle.

we’re okay, most days mature, 6k, oneshot. tw for self-harm. ilya has scars on his legs. shane doesn't say anything, and doesn't say anything, and eventually does.

baby, you're not the only one teen, 5k, oneshot. they come out. if only literally anyone could be normal about it, that would be great. hollanov try and get through other queer people's expectations of them mostly alive.

these icy waters explicit, 34k, multichapter. tw for minor character death. somewhat of a supernatural au. ilya is haunted- people around him are starting to die drowned- and he's tucked himself back into a shell of who he was. shane hollander, selkie, is not about to let that shit go unchallenged. closer to horror than mystery, but really good with both.

day 4.5 explicit, 3k, oneshot. cnc, intox sex. shane really doesn't like being high. this works out great when you're trying to play with consensual non-consent. from mean dom ilya week, a fic that drives me insane.

combine mature, 12k, complete. before the draft, players go through a test to find any bond compatibility- hollander and rozanov, as it turns out, are more than rivals. the rest of the world sees a package deal, a great team combo. from the inside, there's a little more at play. really short fic for all the incredible worldbuilding implications it offers.

all the dishes intact unrated, 5k, oneshot. shane is totally fine about being with the centaurs, really. it's just- sometimes. absolutely incredible breakdown fic i ADORE.

unexpected places gen, 2k, oneshot. jackie and shane friendship moment, very early into canon. i think we should get more of this forever. they are so dear to me.

when there's nothing left to burn mature, 23k, ongoing. scott hunter is traded to the montreal metros the same year that shane hollander is made captain. it's a little bit like watching a car crash, emotionally, and also like you just slipped in the shower and are waiting to see if this is a laugh-about-it matter or an er visit one. REALLY fun character study.

Ilya Rozanov's 12 Step Plan For Public Flirting teen, 7k, complete. what it says on the title. also has the PWHL, twitter, and a lot of bickering. really fun.

i want a scar that looks just like you mature, 6k, oneshot. soulmate au, but post-cottage. shane covers his soulmark. ilya doesn't have one. you know i appreciate a good soulmate au.

ransomed teen, 8k, oneshot. omegaverse au. unmated omegas aren't allowed on the ice after their 25th birthday. everyone is fighting over shane hollander. clearly, ilya thinks, the rational course of action is to kidnap him over it.

we go on walks teen, 46k, complete. firewatch au. shane takes up a summer to keep watch over forest fires- isolated except for hayden on the radio and one persistent camper. but there's secrets in the woods. this is like psychological horror, if it were a romance. a MUST read if you like horror; this fic will tug on every instinct and knowledge of the genre you have and leave you white-knuckling your armrest as you repeat to yourself 'i am NOT going to scroll down to find a missing person report for shane hollander' over and over.

spectral shame and other bedroom sports teen, 5k, oneshot. they move into a haunted house. fortunately, the ghost isn't hostile. unfortunately, he's both homophobic AND a prude. hollanov delight in trying to outdo each other in scandalizing him.

it's nice to hear your voice again teen, 3k, oneshot. this is ilya, i will never listen to your voicemail, he said; shane leaves them for him anyway. years later, ilya finds them. just plain cute and lovely.

modern lockets mature, 35k, oneshot. ilya wants, no needs to have shane hollander photocards. and a shrine. the only solution is to use his teammates for camouflage. complete pure and utter crack. i laughed so hard my stomach hurt.

helpless, tender, open explicit, 2k, oneshot. dubcon and bdsm. shane is sick. ilya takes care of him.

periphery teen, 24k, ongoing. you visit the people you know in your dreams, and they visit yours. shane has been dreaming people he doesn't know, in a language he doesn't speak, for years. the most FANTASTIC kind-of soulmate au i have READ i could not tell you how badly this concept fascinates me. so many amazing friendships and ocs. truly a love letter to dreams and friendships. this is one of those fics that leaves you thinking.

apple tree, my brightness explicit, 12k, oneshot. ilya character study, post-cottage. about places. also, i can't reread this when i'm emotional or i might explode. REALLY good.

with your fists for once explicit, 10k, oneshot. ilya character study: touch. he looks at hands and expects a hit. it's the way it's always been, the way it should be. hollander, however, is not that. tw for past child abuse, dubcon, and violence.

make it easy for you explicit, 10k, complete. tpe, free use, human furniture, spit as lube, painful sex. all shane needs to be is good for ilya. to be ilya's. this whole series is incredible AND it makes me horny. god. fuck. read it.

carpe diem, libera noctem explicit, 10k, complete. a past friend of shane's kills himself. he visits ilya in response. tuna melt alternate universe, a really interesting character development, and overall great read.

effleurage mature, 11k, oneshot. ilya gives shane massages. love love love their relationship. they're silly together!!!! pen is an absolute master at their craft (silly in love hollanov) and i encourage you to read all their stuff. especially Shallergies.

performance enhancing strategies mature, 5k, oneshot. shane comes out to the metros about his relationship. with a powerpoint. really fun.

bright light city teen, 8k, oneshot. they fuck up and get married in vegas. turns out, it's a little more complicated than that. a very interesting take on the trope!!

hot, hot, sweat, sweet explicit, 3k, oneshot. fever sex. i just think it's hot when they have sex while they're sick. sweat kink and dacryphilia.

what does this room look like explicit, 14k, oneshot. shane wants to try intox. rape roleplay, drunk sex, and a whole lot of fun.

just let me in your arms explicit, 6k, oneshot. shane sleeps over and wears a t-shirt that ilya has some memories of. not the ones you probably think, though. genuinely so cute and also made me laugh a lot.

find your way back home unrated, 112k, complete. they used to spend all their time together, back when ilya trained in canada with shane as teens. they lose and find each other again. i LOVE a good childhood friends story, and this one has some really lovely friendship and romantic dynamics. (and yes, i left the longest for last)

when he was crashing out about trading to ottawa, he said, "You know, it's just gonna be really hard to leave melissa," and hayden was sitting right there like. "melissa?? it's gonna be hard to leave MELISSA??"

melissa barging into ottawa's offices and just handing over a contract for her employment.

"um, excuse me, ma'am, who ar-"

"i have kept shane hollander alive and fed his for almost his entire nhl career, and i have invested too much time to stop now."

"but ma'am, we-"

"no more questions. sign."

obviously she's a dietician with a specialty in athletes which means the primary concerns of her patients are 1. need All The Fucking Calories and 2. need All The Fucking Protein, but in my heart, she is the flavor of dietician who focuses also on enjoyment and satiety (fun fact: you actually digest food better and get more nutrition out of food you like eating). like you're going to eventually get sick of how much you have to eat by the time you're 3/4 of the way through the season, but by GOD WILL SHE TRY TO MAKE THINGS ENJOYABLE AS LONG AS SHE CAN.

so she meets 20 year old shane who already comes into this meeting apologetic because he KNOWS this is all specific and it's a pain to have aversions when he already has allergies to work around, so he doesn't mind a lot of repetition when-

and melissa is just ✋ i did not put in the work to get this degree only to suck at this job. let's talk texture preferences.

This is wholesomely and some other times painfully portrayed in so many different moments throughout the show and books.

Marleau: “Wow, this Montreal girl works you up brother. You’re straight up blushing Roz.” Feat. A totally not blushing Ilya.

Hayden: “Boston Lily is texting you, have fun! I don’t care!” Feat. Shane saying no in text, yet being honest with his body, rushing to Ilya’s room for a quick hookup.

Rose: “Can I ask if you’ve ever been with another guy? Was it different with a guy? Was it better?” Feat. Flashbacks to key hollanov loving and yearning moments.

Svetlana: “You know he’s gorgeous. And you know he’s good. I would love to see you on a line with him.” Feat. Ilya considering playing wing for Shane despite wrestling Svetlana for even suggesting that.

Ruby: “Is he your husband? Are you his husband?” Feat. The untainted honest child curiosity and an instinct to detect love.

There are plenty of works that I can think of, but there’s this one fic that inspired this post: Walls by AC91. It is basically a multi POV one shot studying their relationship through accidental voyeurism. Definitely made me question things about myself lmao. Fan fiction are often born as a necessity to fulfill a desire the original work didn’t satisfy. In my case, I think the reasons are the following:

1. Our identity are fundamentally shaped by our interactions with others. Knowing more interactions means knowing more about someone.

This idea is inspired by Sartre and his theory on identity, alongside what I have rambled previously about C. S. Lewis. So, disclaimer, I haven’t read Sartre’s work (my bad, but my to read list is long and heated rivalry has kidnapped me) and mostly know him by proxy of citations (sorry if I understood his ideas wrong). There’s this paper by Mcmullin (2011) explaining his conception of identity that left an impact on me: “The encounter with the other person's evaluating look makes it clear that the self—like other objects in the world—is available for third-person appraisal and assessment. Through such experiences of being seen and evaluated, the encounter with the other person grants one a heightened mode of self-awareness. The gaze of the other is experienced as genuinely revealing dimensions of who and what I am—dimensions of myself that are unavailable without the mediating gaze of another person.”

This is very explicit in the Svetlana and Ilya section of the fic for me. How Sveta and Alexei’s opinions shaped and gave me a new perspective of Ilya.

In the fic Alexei says the following: “Ilyusha is a bottomless pit of need, Svetochka. He needs too much from people. [...] Nobody can give him what he needs. He's like Mama, Svetochka. He'll die like Mama, because he needs too much and he will never get it. He's not like you and me. He can’t accept life for what it is.”

Svetlana agreed, but then, she saw them together and realised: “Shane needed Ilya as much as Ilya needed him.”

In their morning after chat Ilya affirmed Svetlana the idea of how happy he is: “We had good times. [...] With you, it was something. But with him, it’s everything.”

Of course there is no need for someone else's recognition for something to be true necessarily, but Ilya was definitely smug about it. I felt he was even happier when Svetlana acknowledged his happiness. His intensity is matched. He can be himself without restrains. His happiness is overflowing.

2. Knowing more about others allows us to know more about ourselves.

Point one also applies in reverse, of course. I feel this is highlighted in Luca's section of the fic. One of my favourite head canons is that Luca knows he’s gay/bi/pan, proudly so, or at least it doesn’t cause him any issues internally. Unlike Shane and Ilya, he used to play in the Swiss league before coming to the MHL, the locker room culture is a bit different: people keep their personal opinions and private lives more segregated, they might still be gay or homophobic (or both lol), but they’ll try to keep it to themselves. That’s why Luca doesn’t flaunt his sexuality, but he doesn’t necessarily hide it either off the ice. Of course there’s also the gay or European discourse that can make things murky.

Nevertheless, he is still a baby, the young centaur still has a lot to discover about himself. What he likes or dislikes in a relationship. What are his hard needs and boundaries. How he can juggle a professional sportsperson career with his love life in an LGTBQ+ unwelcoming league.

“Luca's head was spinning with everything he had overheard. It was too much. He had intruded beyond what was acceptable, but it answered so many questions he had.”

Hollanov are going to be his role models. Very positive ones, both on ice and off ice. He is not alone, and that's going to help, a lot. Maybe this is why he never got his book, he is just a good boy with good mentors and he is just going to be happy! Sometimes, some people can have enough support so that the queer experience is not as traumatic. I feel that will be Luca's case.

Exploring Hollanov dynamics doesn't only allow me to know more about them. It also allows me to learn more about those who observe them.

3. They don’t need to hide anymore, and now the “questionable behaviour” is reversed, what induces the feelings and emotions is them being seen and found accidentally in their most intimate moments.

You know how hollanov had to hide around as if they were doing something wrong and scandalous for more than a decade? Now it's the other way around... The people prying on their privacy are the ones who need to hide. And this is oddly satisfying to witness. Like a mini revenge.

There are differences in the legality of voyeurism or even its definition depending on the country. There is obviously a distinction on whether it is accidental, incidental, patterned, consensual or not. I actually learnt about how it's in some diagnostic manuals as a disorder, that was a bit of a surprise but makes sense if it causes distress and trouble in someone's life.

Of course, in the case of “Walls”, they are all accidental, but it made me think of those other works where someone maliciously leaks content about them. Be it secret recordings, messages, etc. Well, the fanmail event is canon lol. Regardless, it feels good that once they are officially out of the closet, that means they can protect themselves better against these kinds of intrusions if they want.

It is lowkey a chance they unknowingly got to show everyone how they are for real, they truly love each other and can't take off their hands off each other. Most people only knew the fake media side of them and their relationship after all. Yuna and David were definitely worried and within reason. However, more than anything it just shows that they are made for each other.

Not everyone can be as intense as they are with each other. They are both needy and willing to satisfy the other's needs. You don't meet someone like that every day, and that's probably why they kept gravitating towards each other for so long.

I do not personally know Ilya nor Shane, but it’s through the lens of other characters how I have a different look into them. I have countless head canons myself of course. Some things might be true, some others might just be subjective interpretations, but it gives a broader picture and possibilities that I enjoy. Same with all the different perspectives from other fans.

Reference:

Second of all!!! In one of your fics you have like an almost throw away line where Hayden mentions he’s had to stop the other Voyageurs/Metros players from fucking with Shane’s food and like. Now my mind is rife with the ✨possibilities✨ of that scenario. Like. One of them adds peanuts or something to something Shane thinks is safe as a prank and Hayden doesn’t catch it and suddenly Shane is in anaphylaxis and everyone is freaking the fuck out. The next time Ilya plays Montreal that one player gets laid the FUCK out for some reason.

combo-ing with @pitrosa just because both of y'all were getting to the same DELICIOUS possibility of a wild amount of angst.

like the idea of someone fucking with shane's food at a party at jackie and hayden's place not because they know shane is allergic but because they're shitty and i 100% buy some bigoted asshole seeing it as a way shane is just trying to be special and other. so they knowingly do something like stir in some peanut butter or mix in some coconut oil. literally just something they see easily available in this one minute window in the kitchen they have when they're just being an asshole.

and even beyond just the nightmare of now shane has a reaction and this is one more thing that the team didn't know about previously and can spin into "so you didn't trust us?" IGNORING WHAT JUST FUCKING HAPPENED HERE, the fact that like. now shane isn't safe eating at events. or even fucking. being at events, tbh. like GOD the isolation of your team is cold to you now and you don't know which one of them fucked with you and you don't know that one or more of them won't do it again to hurt you. and it's not like any of them are going to fess up and own it because bigots are cowards and ALSO (even though shane wouldn't do it, i don't think) this is now like. pressing charges level.

and it's ONE MORE FUCKING THING that shane was afraid of!! and then it happened to him!!! what a fucking HEINOUS contribution to his anxiety getting worse while also feeling so isolated because even if hayden and jackie are equally PISSED and still invite you over when it's just y'all and you KNOW the food is safe. what the fuck are you even supposed to do here?

and stuff with jj is SO complicated with the ilya of it all, but jj is shane's friend and i don't think?? was bad about him coming out?? (just being with ilya and not telling jj about that??) (if i remember correctly??) so we also have jj now angry on shane's behalf. and yeah, maybe he might be hurt that shane didn't tell him, but your friend having to go to the hospital has a way of kind of lining priorities up.

but like. you can only hide anaphylaxis so fucking much.

so the worst of it happens out of sight with jackie helping shane into one of the guest rooms on the first floor while hayden goes to grab his jacket for him.

and also the double whammy FURY in the aftermath of now someone has hurt hayden's best friend in his home AND scared the hell out of his children because they had to watch uncle shane get so sick and are now upset because he had to leave the house in an ambulance with mommy. and the distribution of labor in that choice was jackie also being pissed and knowing, "either i'm going in this ambulance, or i'm catching a fucking charge today." and hayden being left to try and work out what the fuck just went down here because he's equally furious but at least has some level of knowing all of the guys here, but now he's trying to get updates on shane, calm the kids down and promise them uncle shane is okay and yeah they can maybe visit him later if he feels up to it, and also work out who the fuck decided they wanted to die today.

GOD 100% I think hayden and jackie would be like YEP THAT'S DONE with hosting, but now??? soooo??? where is hosting going to happen?? ain't going to be shane's house.

and now showing up at someone's house when they host is a fucking STATEMENT, especially if it's someone who is especially notably Not Cool with shane.

and the way shane would still be taking the blame for this!! both from the shitty ones on the team and also feeling like it's his fault!! because the team is literally splintering around him and what the FUCK is he supposed to do about it!!

YOU STOP THAT

like NO of course he doesn't want this kid's career nuked because he was stupid and ended up being a patsy for fucking with shane-

-but also. he did do it.

like yeah the kid hero worshipped him in a way that was a little overwhelming but also?? kind of a relief?? when it felt like so much of the team was icing him out?? and yet when it came down to shane or the rest of the team, the rookie sided with the rest of the team to fuck with him. and he didn't KNOW it was serious, but he also didn't know it WASN'T.

and shane being so fucking angry that he knows he's supposed to forgive the kid here, but why does he ALWAYS have to be the one forgiving? why does he just have to take it on the chin and keep going and keep his head up and don't snap and don't not smile when you're supposed to and don't ever let that mask slip, young man, because it won't take much for those cheers to turn to jeers-

vladi you have to STOP speaking because you are putting broken glass in the sandbox 😭😭😭

the idea of shane who is already having A Bad Fucking Time but now feeling SO fucking guilty and using what sway he has to put spin on this through The Power Of Yuna so the kid is never going to get back on montreal obviously, but A Team will take him because he IS a good player and shane issued a statement to the equivalent of, "I appreciate the pro-active response of my team," and GOD this would fucking suck to have to read over for approval because WHAT fucking response, "but I wanted to clear up a misundestanding of an unfortunate accident blah blah blah" that's as vague as possible but absolves the rookie of any active malice and plays it off as "stupid kid did a thing without realizing it would have consequences, but i get it," which helps the kid out but also makes shane look understanding and gracious and magnanimous. he got positioned as an asshole who came down hard on a rookie for no reason, so this press release does then make it, "hey, misunderstandings happened. i didn't mean for anything to happen here."

but also just. fucks him over further. montreal looks like they were a good team that just got a little overzealous in protecting shane hollander because of COURSE you would do that for shane hollander (and god the irony is thick enough to almost SMOTHER him), and meanwhile: NOTHING IS BETTER. NOTHING IS FIXED. THE VIBES ARE STILL FUCKING RANCID. SHANE STILL CAN'T FUCKING EAT AROUND HIS TEAM BECAUSE MAYBE SAFE BUT MAYBE NOT. ESPECIALLY IF HE'S ALREADY PLAYED IT OFF ONCE AS, "misunderstanding, things happen, that's life." BUT HE'S A GOOD SPORT, EVERYONE. HE'S A TEAM FUCKING PLAYER. HE IS SHANE HOLLANDER, BEST SPORTSMANLIKE CONDUCT OF THEM ALL.

AND HE IS FUCKING DROWNING IN IT.

and making this worse is that the rookie is SO fucking thankful. like his hockey HERO saved his ass here after he was stupid and could have killed him. shane has never been more of a legend to him. and the kid wants to come up to him at every game they play against each other and say thank you again which is. so not fucking helpful. for trying to Repress The Shit Out Of The All Of This. and what is shane supposed to do! tell him to fuck off??? no! can't do that! this rookie was part of a nuke designed to blow shane's life apart, but he didn't mean it and shane is SUCH a good fucking sport and that's hockey and if you're just good enough and gracious enough and work hard enough, then everyone will let you have a place, right?

#heated rivalry#I will never shut up and this is a threat >:)#But it's truly like. Shane was the one who got hurt and now every fucking thing he does is just being#The Bigger Person™ and Keeping It Together™ and Smooting Things Over™ and Calming Everyone Down™.#Like paradoxically because he was the one hurt in the situation it's now his responsibility to manage the consequences of that situation#for everyone. He's the one with the near death experience and he's also the one not allowed to feel things about that near death experience#Because his reaction is being scrutinized and will determine how EVERYONE handles this. And if he wants a good outcome i.e. keeping his job#and not blowing up the team dynamic to a truly nuclear degree...he has to downplay it. It wasn't that serious. We were all having a laugh.#Of course rookie should still play management is overreacting. No I don't feel unsafe in the locker room why would you ask that hahaha.#And at the same time he watches EVERYONE ELSE AROUND HIM get the luxury of freaking out and leaning on their partners. Ilya turning into#a white-hot ball of rage. The team closing ranks. Hayden and Jackie and JJ on their righteous crusade. The rookie breaking down in front#of him and being carried off by his boyfriend. And if SHANE allows himself even a fraction of these reactions. Or if he even indulges#in the sin of breaking down in public and having HIS boyfriend carry him off to comfort him about it. He loses something he can't give up.#Like it truly is a fucking lose-lose for Shane Hollander and the worst part is he truly doesn't have a choice in the matter.#Like there's this thing that happens when a victim of bullying speaks out about their experience where there's a big outcry and people#are like WE HAVE TO CHANGE THINGS and often the bullies themselves speak out and go WE DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS THAT SERIOUS#WE WANT TO DO BETTER. Where you'd think this would lead to meaningful change but in reality what happens is they sit the victim down and go#“so :). Tell us what to do exactly :). So you'll forgive us :). And we're absolved :).” And then anything the victim says that isn't#YOU STOPPED BULLYING ME THIS IS ALL I EVER WANTED is proof that they just want attention. And after that sit down happens the victim isn't#allowed to have negative feelings or any kind of resentment towards the bullies anymore bc What do you mean we fixed the situation :)#and in fact the victim is often expected to kind of act as “proof” that the bullies are good people because hey look if I was a bad person#I wouldn't be friends with the guy I used to bully haha! Tell them how great I am or I'm sticking your head in the toilet again haha!#Anyways this is basically the dynamic between Shane and the team after the incident I think. Like management fired the rookie and forced#them all to sit through some training or other so now Everything Is Resolved OR ELSE. And if Shane DIDN'T try to get the rookie reinstated#and if he DIDN'T try to stick it out with the locker room and if he EVER brought it up again. Well. That's where public opinion#turns against you. Thankfully my man has Ilya & Hayden & JJ to remind him that there is a secret third option: Just Fucking Leave.#Not that Shane would out of his own free will but that's truly the only thing you can do in that kind of situation. Get out of there.#Vladi speaks

the way this ALSO then fucks him over with even being able to address homophobia on the team. like he was already trying to muscle through it, but now!! can't bring it up even if he fucking wanted to!!!! sorry, champ, you got your one (1) "hey, this sucks" card and you used it!! even though nothing changed!!! and if you try to speak out now, management is going to shut you the FUCK up because they can't risk something else happening when this ended so neatly and nicely! they look good now! they look supportive! no chance in HELL they're risking that now for a little thing like "hey, vibe's weird"!

and! if you go public about it! not that you would even fucking WANT TO! but if you tried! good chance the public wouldn't be with you! because now you would just sound whiny! like you missed being in the spotlight and had to come up with something else!

#Hayden he CAN'T he just has to be more careful - and then Ruby breaks into tears Uncle Shane you can train a dog to tell you#if you can eat something? Uncle Shane maybe you can get a dog and then you'll be safe again and you won't have to die? (bc Ruby of course i#not handling her first confrontation with mortality well and genuinely believes Shane might come in contact with something and keel over#on the street at any time) And maybe then she and Jade and Arthur and Amber can come over to his house again if the dog sniffs them#really well and makes sure she didn't accidentally touch a peanut? (all of the Pike kids have noticed Uncle Ilya is coming over alone most#of the time now and there haven't been any dinners at the Hollanov Household since the incident - though that one is coincidence).#Anyways the next week a working line German Shepherd puppy moves into Shane's appartment. Puppy showed great promise at first litter#evaluations and both parents are bomb sniffing dogs. Puppy immediately starts training and as German Shepherds do becomes SO serious#about his job. Like learns to sniff out multiple allergens and has a trained signal (paw to knee) for contamination but if he feels Shane i#getting rid of The Bad Smell fast enough he WILL start growling at the offending item. Six months into training Shane and doggo are on thei#daily morning 5 k run (working line dogs...) and suddenly dog who normally has IMPECCABLE leash manners fully starts pulling Shane off the#path with all his considerable strength. Shane is like ??????!!! turns out the guy sitting on the bench 20 m ahead was eating trail mix#containing multiple allergens. Shane feels. A lot safer going places after that.

#Also Dog of course as German Shepherds do feels Extremely strongly about The Rules and Good Behavior and thus views Anya and her antics #Also Dog of course as German Shepherds do feels Extremely strongly about The Rules and Good Behavior and thus views Anya and her antics#with a sort of stressed bafflement at first (Shane said sit why aren't you sitting???!!!) and aloofness once Hollanov more in together and#thus the dogs now live together too (Shane said sit and she's not sitting... couldn't be THIS good boy...). Ilya of course tries to#introduce some fun into dogs life because Shane look at him always so serious he has to be on vacation SOMETIMES!! Maybe at least at the#cottage yes there are no allergens at the cottage AND nobody but your parents visits he can be on vacation at the cottage at least!!!#Only Ilya's methods for introducing fun into dogs life are tailored to Absurdly Treat Motivated Counter Surfer Unholy Terror For A Little#Cheese Anya and dog is simply Above Such Nonsense (read: toy motivated) and as such couldn't care less about whatever special treat you hav#in your hand No Thank You he is Getting His Leash it is Mandatory Daily Exercise Time. But once Ilya finds the perfect squeaky toy it's#OVER for Mr Serious (it's a loon) (because of course it is) (have some dog content as apology for putting glass in the sand box)#Also I think he has a cheesy Russian name like Sputnik or Belka and it is genuinely a coincidence that's literally his kennel name but Shan#can't help feeling that it's right that the dog training to keep him safe is named in the same language as the man who's been doing that#for years already :)#Vladi speaks#Reblogging again because TUMBLR ATE HALF OF MY TAGS!!!

@shakespearerants

I WOULD DIE FOR SPUTNIK

i also love the idea of this near-puppy being SO deadly fucking serious about his job. he is "MR. PRESIDENT GET DOWN" levels of Focused on doing his tasks. if shane isn't listening to tap tap tap tap tap tap at his knee, nikky WILL just bap it right out of his hands. daddy, that is BAD. PUT IT DOWN.

also the idea of sputnik meeting anya who is a little chaos creature (affectionate) and just

at this dog who does not only not tell daddy about The Bad Foods, but also??? STEALS FOOD??? she investigated daddy's plate TO TRY AND STEAL SOME???

sputnik's fuzzy little mind is BLOWN. baby came from a working! family! this behavior is BEYOND THE PALE.

and i'm cackling about the idea of this near-puppy just YELLING at anya because no!! the rules!! you are not doing The Rules!!!! nikky is POINTEDLY doing a PERFECT sit. you want a shake paw? he'll give you the best shake paw this town has ever seen. goodest boy is a DELIGHT on the leash meanwhile wild child sister is a little MONSTER who is also papa's little princess so her correction is tragically limited lmao.

AND SPUTNIK HAVING A VACATION EACH YEAR. I AM SO FULL OF LOVE AND LIGHT. nikky with his loon toy on his patio bed chilling in the sunshine and squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak until anya comes over to lovingly bother him into a game of bitey face.

and baby fucking LOVES the water. he will dive after his toy into the water as many times as you'll sit there and throw it for him. he is a water! baby! having the time of his LIFE.

but also SUCH a polite boy going back to the house. has to get rinsed off of the lakewater and always stands so well at the door with SUCH good manners to get his paws wiped off before he goes inside. world's best little rule maker AND follower.

meanwhile if that sliding door is juuuuuust big enough for anya's to squeeze through while someone is handing a towel over??? enjoy the mud monster beelining RIGHT for the couch lmao.

also the idea of anya putting together food=tap on knee=reward??? but not really knowing what connection there is there meaning that anya teaches herself "slap the SHIT out of people's knees" as a trick NO ONE WANTS HER TO BE DOING.