goddamnit
Cosmic Funnies

titsay
i don't do bad sauce passes
Misplaced Lens Cap
Not today Justin
Sade Olutola

shark vs the universe
DEAR READER
Keni
AnasAbdin
$LAYYYTER

Janaina Medeiros

romaā

#extradirty
Xuebing Du
Peter Solarz
Jules of Nature
Aqua Utopiaļ½ęµ·ć®åŗć§čØę¶ćē“”ć
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@spidercidermacguyver
goddamnit

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Happy Belated Birthday to Katie Ledecky, who has turned every list of womenās long distance swimming records into a joke about Katie Ledecky.
Happy Belated Birthday to the girl so fast that sheās often swimming backwards in photos. So good itās funny: the Katie Ledecky Story
I laughed to hard at this fucking thing.
I feel like the people of Tumblr will find this funny . Dont embarrass me pretty please
Hey someone suggested I use ChatGPT to figure out adulting today, and as I was going through the mental list of places I'd rather look, I realized "beloved strangers on Tumblr dot net" was on that list.
So if you have an aspect of adulting that you're really good at-taxes, budgeting, cooking, insurance, credit, time management, house upkeep, anything-please feel free to reblog with any tips.
Not me, but @bitchesgetriches has a lot of great resources for many of these topics on their website.
That's us! Professional internet adults, specializing in financial stuff! We recommend starting with our Grand List of All Articles, or one of our Masterposts:
MASTERPOST: Everything You Need To Know About Taxes
MASTERPOST: Everything You Need to Know about How to Increase Your Income
MASTERPOST: Everything You Need to Know about Retirement and How to Retire
MASTERPOST: Everything You Need to Know about Credit and Credit Cards
MASTERPOST: Everything You Need to Know about Investing for Beginners
MASTERPOST: Everything You Need to Know about How to Pay off Debt
MASTERPOST: Everything You Need To Know About Living Independently for the First Time
MASTERPOST: Everything You Need to Know about Repairing Our Busted-Ass World
MASTERPOST: Everything You Need to Know about Self-Care
MASTERPOST: Everything You Need to Know about Getting a Job, Raise, or Promotion
MASTERPOST: Everything You Need to Know about Saving Money and Being Frugal
So I can find this later.

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Fic prompt #57
Dpxdc
From the moment Danny crash-landed into the Justice League, his secret identity was a punchline. A very chaotic, ācouldnāt-care-lessā punchline. He had spent his entire childhood being the responsible oneākeeping his parents from accidentally destroying their dimension, keeping the government off his back, basically babysitting reality itself.
But now? NOW he was Phantom. And Phantom meant anarchy with a grin. Not evil. Not destructive⦠necessarily. Just⦠utterly, gloriously insane. Danny would pick the most ridiculous, over-the-top, headache-inducing way to solve any problem, just to watch the world around him unravel like confettiāand yes, laugh hysterically at it.
The League? Confused. Bat standards? Appalled. No one could figure out what he was doing, why he was doing it⦠or why it was somehow working. Seriously. WHY???
And Danny? He was having the time of his life.
Danny aggressively flicking peanuts into space off the Watchtower while every code red alarm is blaring because Darkside is back: Are you going to help me or what?
Hal (or JL member of your choice) who will soon go bald from stress while every hero is sprinting everywhere: Phantom! WHAT are you doing?
Danny: it's for the chipmunks. Duh.
Everyone that heard this: ??????
Hal running off: Whatever. Just stay out of the way.
1 HOUR LATER
The Darkside armies are nothing but floating debris in the void.
Danny: I told you we needed the chipmunks. But does anybody ever listen to me? NoooOOOOooo. If you had helped me with the peanuts, this all could have been over 30 minutes ago.
The entire JL horrified by what they just witnessed through the windows: ....
Superman rocking back and forth in the corner: So. Many. Teeth.
Hal: I don't even want to know what you think a squirrel is.
Danny appalled: Ugh! I'm not stupid enough to make a deal with the squirrels again. I still owe their leader bagpipes. Do you know how hard it is to find bagpipes for a creature with 16 arms?
Alternate ending:
Batman: How did you know Darkside was allergic to peanuts?
Danny: The chipmunks said it would work.
Too bad the prophet Cassandra never met Odysseus
They say if she made a prophecy Nobody would believe her
Iāve gotta say, that is exactly the kind of stupid thing that probably would circumvent a curse.
Cassandra: YOU ARE ALL GOING TO REGRET THIS SO MUCH YOU DONāT EVEN KNOW.Ā
Odysseus: Regret it why?
Cassandra: You wonāt believe me if I tell you. If I prophecy, nobody believes me. That is my curse.
Odysseus: ⦠Iām Nobody. Fill me in.Ā
*A couple of months later*Ā
Odysseus: HELLO PENELOPE, I AM HERE PRECISELY ON TIME AND NOT YEARS LATE incidentally I rescued and adopted a Trojan seer while I was away, sheās great, got me home really fast, Cassandra this is your new mother whoās not going to treat you like shit.Ā
Penelope: ⦠Iām going to need more details, but okay, sure.Ā
Cassandra: *in tears* I love you, new family.Ā
Cassandra: Penelope, Iāve had another vision.
Penelope, sighs: Go tell your father.
the original? on my dash?
āWhatās the most impressive and stressful thing youāve seen?ā
Me:
Source
That looks SO dangerous but I am SO impressed and UTTERLY charmed and FULL of childlike wonder
horse with a dvd player on its back 2006-03-21
wild
sorry I have some kind of brain disease
I suspect this was meant as a visual pun because this server is rated for 733 watts, almost exactly one metric horsepower

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James Rhodes - Is that not worth exploring?
This made me cry a little. The number of people who tell me they used to play the flute but that they werenāt ātalentedā enough or they gave it up to, you know, do life⦠This is just so beautiful.
Danny has his portal accident as an adult (dpxdc prompt)
Watchtower technician Danny had his portal accident when he went to visit his parents for the holidays. He immediately shuts the portal down afterwards, destroys the blueprints and tries to go back to work like nothing happened. Now if he could only keep his new powers under control so the heroes he works with donāt investigate and arrest his parents, that would be great.
Danny did it. He reached the stars, achieved his dreams. Sure, he wasnāt an astronaut, but that antiquated job title didnāt exist anymore. What with the rise of superheroes and space cops and aliens and teleportation tech, there just wasnāt any need to strap in to rocket ships to explore the solar system and beyond. But the crux of Dannyās childhood dream was the same. He got to work in space.
Danny loved his job. He got to be in space! He got to handle and maintain top of the line tech! I was helping heroes by keeping their base functional and running at tip-top shape! He even became sorta work buddies with some of them.
Well. Ok, most were polite but distant and Batman looked like he only barely tolerated Dannyās water cooler talk but thatās just how the man looks. And Danny did have to backtrack some of his kvetching when the Dark Knight started to look like he was gonna put his parents on some sort of watch list, so obviously he cares! But. Itās not like any of their inventions ever worked so obviously Danny reassured him that the Fentons were harmless.
And then Danny took a trip earth-side to visit family for the holidays. It was going to be great! He hadnāt seen Jazz or his parents in ages, even Uncle Vlad was gonna be there! (Heād taken a step back from ecto science ever since their college portal attempt failed to even spark, but he was still a very close family friend.)
And like always, first thing he did after greeting his parents, before even changing out of his work coveralls, Danny wandered down to the lab to take a look at his parentsā latest over engineered sculptural scrap abominations. (They really should have switched over to set and prop design ages ago, it was all totally useless junk but it always looked cool as fuck.)
Except. That looked like a semi-plausible transporter. Which if that was the case would be wildly illegal without the right permits, not to mention hell on the electricity grid. So Danny stepped closer to take a look into the bowls of the machinery. Heād have to dismantle it for sure if-
āOh Danny~!ā āSurprise bro!ā Sam and Tucker thundered into the lab and startled him so bad he flinched and braced down on the wall with the control panel and-
and-
and.
Danny woke up floating between his horrified friends and an active glowing portal. Heād have to shut that down for sure. Batman could never ever know about this.
It would be fine. This was a fluke. He would disrupt the portal, alter the blueprints, the Fentons would go back to- no, continue being harmless. And Danny would go back to work at his dream job and if any of his coworkers, heroic or otherwise asked about his holiday, Danny would tell them his best friends surprised him with a visit and no one would have any reason to arrest his parents. Easy.
ā¦
Back on the watchtower Danny got an insidious inkling that it may not, in fact, be easy. Superman asked if he had heart troubles. Danny kept ādroppingā important equipment. He had to keep checking his reflection to make sure he wasnāt glowing or going invisible. He made many a fellow mechanic ran out the room to check the artificial gravity generator when Danny began to float.
So. It might not be easy, but.
It was. Going. To be fine.
š¦
This is Charles. He wants to go on a journey around tumblr. could you show him around?
Itās my honest pleasure, Charles, to aid you on this quest.
Local council called out on Twitter
Maximum levels of petty.
They dragged Darren to the pits of hell(which he deemed under 50mm)
Darrenās dragging was completely deserved and self inflicted
hey so don't use this. RabbelLabs, the company actually creating this platform, trains AI models. Jack Dorsey is best friends with Elon Musk and they both advocate constantly for the abolition of IP law because it stands in the way of AI 'growth' (theft). They're banning AI on the platform so they can use it as a clean slate to train more fucking AI. They're also using images of Divine, the drag queen, to push their shit and I guarantee they didn't get permission from her estate.
The DiVine website says that it's made by Rabble.
If you go to their website you can find this:
if you click that And Other Stuff you're taken to an entirely different website that explains what all that 'other stuff' is: five pillars of building Nostr AI.
You have to wonder why they're hiding it, right? Why is it so hard to find? Why register an entirely different domain (it's andotherstuff.com, not like rabblelabs.com/andotherstuff) just to talk about the AI stuff you're doing if you're so proud of it?
Stop simping for billionaires just because they jingle keys in your face, start doing some fucking research.

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Bruce: Dick, do not.
Dick: Aw but look at him! He's just a little guy
Bruce: That "little guy" nearly leveled a entire feild with his scream.
Dick: He was crying! What is he not allowed to have emotions?
Bruce: Until we can contain his powers, we are not letting him out of the containment unit.
Dick: But B! Look at him! Isn't he the most adorable thing you've ever seen?
Danny:
Bruce:....yes he's adorable.
Dick: I know right! You can really see the resemblance between him and Tim!
Bruce: Yes. Tim's genes are really giving it their all in his son. His strange, out of the right timeline, son. Who looks like that. All the time.
Dick: Like a angel?
Bruce: Sure.
Danny: I crave CHEEEEESEEE. LET ME OUT FOR CHEEESEEEEEE. *rattling the bars* COFFE! I DEMAND CHHEEEESEEE AND COFFEEEEEE!
Bruce: Oh wait now I see the resemblance.
I vote both Danny and Tim are lactose intolerant.
This also means that Tim's alternate self is Jack.
Big, Kool aid man, mad scientist, Fudge addicted, Jack. Said fudge is usually contaminated with ectoplasm.
Lol, imagine they keep Danny from Tim, cause they don't want that much crazy in the same room? So, when Danny escapes, Tim has no clue that this kid is his and that Batman and Nightwing were interrogating him.
And, because Danny's going feral without ectoplasm, his gremlin nose has him transversing the Caves until he finds the pool of Lazarus Water under Gotham. And uses it to make fudge. In Wayne manor. Cuz if the fruit loops are going to keep him in their basement he's going to steal their coffee and kitchen to make food.
Tim comes in, sees the adoption bait and assumes it's another of Bruce's. Danny doesn't recognize this small version of his dad that is constantly tired. Offers some desert, cause he forgets most humans can't have diluted ectoplasm. Tim eats some fudge. And goes feral like a cat on nip.
Eventually becomes 7 and a half feet tall.
This spider is in hell. This spider is in hell and youre laughing.