Miss Anthropic Principle

Venerable Bede holy card (I will likely make one) - Oliver's Travels

felt crocodile tail (will hand sew with felt I have lying around the house) - Get Lost!

Newcastle Brown Ale beer mat (have to find it in the house) - Oliver's Travels and Get Lost!

will make some buttons if possible - probably one of George Farquart (playwright) or The Recruiting Officer - Oliver's Travel's

Bix Beiderbecke stamp? Duke Ellington stamp? I might print out some copies of old concert tickets for them or something.

If I'm ambitious enough I might try to hunt around for a keychain or model of one of the cars used in the series - a 1972 Volkswagen 1600 Variant E type 36 (Oliver's Travels), 1971 Volkswagen 1200 type 1 or a 1970 Morris Minor 1000 Traveller [ADO59] (Get Lost!), or a 1978 Bedford HA (The Beiderbecke Affair).

So, your landlord/parents/home inspector/favorite movie star is dropping by, and your place is a disaster. You don’t have much time to clean it up. You’re in emergency mode. Let’s get started.

Don’t panic. Panic leads to fear, fear leads to procrastination, procrastination leads to the dark side. You can do this, but you have to stay calm.

Unlike maintenance cleaning, we’re not looking to completely unfuck one space at a time. Instead, we want to decrease the overall mess in stages, spread evenly across the whole area that we’re concerned about. If you think your home is at Level 10 filth, we want to bring the whole thing down to a Level 9, and then down from there. One really clean spot in an otherwise messy home is not going to be helpful here.

Get prepared. You’ll want to shut the computer down (or turn the modem off if you need your computer to play music). Trust me. Get your music going. Gather up trash bags, your vacuum and mop, some rags or paper towel, sponges, and other cleaning supplies. Use what you have on hand. Don’t get distracted running to the store and spending an hour browsing cleaning supplies. A multi-purpose cleaning concentrate or a jug of vinegar will be just fine.

Breaks are very important. Depending on your time constraints, work in 20/10s (20 minutes working, 10-minute break) or 45/15s. But take breaks because otherwise you’re marathoning, and marathon cleaning is no one’s friend. Keep hydrated, don’t forget to eat, and check in with yourself frequently to make sure you’re physically doing OK.

Make your bed. This will be your home base if you get overwhelmed or need somewhere clear to take a break.

Start with the garbage. Going from room to room, throw out anything that is obvious trash. Once you fill a bag, take it out. Repeat as many times as necessary.

Move on to dishes. Gather the dishes from all over your house and bring them to the kitchen. If you can, start them soaking in a sink of hot, soapy water or start loading the dishwasher. After the dishes are all in one place, spend one 20/10 getting started getting them under control.

Now it’s time for your flat surfaces. Countertops, tables, dresser tops, etc. Clear them off and wipe them down. Don’t get distracted in too much sorting and organizing. We’re in crisis mode here. There will be time to get in-depth once this is all done. The same applies to cabinets and closets. Unless you have reason to believe people will be opening closed doors, leave these alone for now.

Attack the floordrobe and shoe pile. Get your clothes either put away or in the hamper. Start a load of laundry if you need to, but keep in mind that laundry and dishes have three steps: wash, dry, and put it away, goddammit!

Get random stuff up off the floors. If something is trash-worthy, throw it away now rather than just move it around a bunch of times. Otherwise, put stuff where it belongs.

Take another 20/10 or 45/15 to catch up on more dishes, if needed.

Head into the bathroom. Pour some cleaner in the toilet bowl, fill the sink with hot water and cleaner, and either spray the tub and shower with cleaner, or fill the tub up with some hot water and add cleaner and let it soak. Put everything away that’s out and shouldn’t be, clean the mirror, counters, and toilet seat. Sweep or dry mop the floor. Wipe down the sink and tub/shower, and give the toilet bowl a scrub. Mop the floor.

Sweep and mop the kitchen floor.

Vacuum everything you can, and sweep everything you can’t.

Walk outside of your house (don’t lock yourself out, please). Walk back in and see what catches your eye first. Go and deal with that.

If you’re being inspected or your landlord is coming in for repairs, spend time on whatever area they’ll be focusing on.

Give the whole place one more once-over and pay attention to anything you’ve missed so far.

It’s an old trick, but if your place is a little funky-smelling, put a pan of water on the stove on low heat and add some citrus or cinnamon or vanilla. Don’t leave it unattended or forget about it.

Take a shower, put on something clean, and eat something.

You can do this. It’s overwhelming, yes, but it is not impossible. You just need to do it. You have a list. You have directions. You have a whole bunch of Internet strangers who have been there before and who are cheering you on. You can do this, but you need to get started.

If the above stretch ain’t compatible with you for reasons like having bitch ass knees, here are some alternative and amazing stretches for the muscle in order of easiest to hardest (but imo least to most helpful) to perform:

However, just keep in mind that none of these stretches will help you if you have a herniated disc, which compresses the nerve roots that protrude from the spine itself! For that you’ll for sure need some different medical intervention.

Fand-Home Prints series by Kyri45

Imagine being treated by Doctor Van Helsing…

Above is the title art for @rizuno's contribution to TZD (our print K/S fanzine), a lovely fic about a captain, his first officer, and their favorite activity! 😏 Scroll further down to see more sneak peeks! (title by @dogearedfriends ⊹⋆)

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rizu joins TZD from Texas 🤠 and, yeehaw is the story for she wrote for us great! if you're a fan of (ahem) alien anatomy, we're thrilled to carry on the tradition of zines of olde by introducing strange, bold new appendages (yes, plural! 🤭) in this fic!

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✴︎ Most important question: Kirk, Spock, or Bones?

That's just mean!

... Spock.

✴︎ What is your “specialty," or favorite thing to write?

I love to write the humor of characters interacting, and I think it's something of a specialty too. Even when I'm trying to write a 'serious' piece, I always do my best to lighten it up with humorous details.

✴︎ What is something you've made that you're particularly proud of and why?

The Unknown Saga, my Alien/Star Trek lovechild. I love everything I've done in this series, and it's very special to me, because when I started writing it, it had been over ten years since I'd last written anything. I kind of thought that was it for me and writing and inspiration, but Star Trek brought it back for me. I just sat down, and started writing like it was the easiest thing in the world. So, so, so happy in this Fandom!  

✴︎ How has it felt to be a contributor in a fanzine?

SO AWESOME! I'm really honored to have been invited to contribute, and this project and everyone involved are the absolute best!

✴︎ What does K/S mean to you?

OTP.

Bonus sneak peek:

Preview of accompanying artwork by @pangaeastarseed ↓↓↓

✴︎ Anything else we should know about you?

I am going to become a cat mama very soon! I just placed my order for all of her cat paraphernalia. She's a stray who appeared at my parent's house out in the sticks. They call her Tansy, but I always wanted to name her Hime (princess) in Japanese. Tansy (rhymes with Pansy) is a kinda catchy name, but she really is just an itty bitty princess!

✴︎ Where can people find you?

AO3 (aprettysmalldose) | Tumblr (rizuno)

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