jack

not to be a misogynist doctor from the 1800s but i’m pretty sure my uterus is moving around my body, biting my other organs, and also is possessed by the devil

11. is just a really sweet person 12. no really my dad worked with him on firewall as the tech advisor and he was just a really swell guy 13. got my mom’s birth date from my dad and sent her flowers 14. he sent my mom flowers for her birthday 15. he didn’t even know her he just wanted to be sweet

this was a beautiful and necessary edition to this post thank you oh my god

Awwwww

When he was asked to be in Jimmy Kimmel’s “I’m Fucking Ben Affleck” video, in which he pulled up alongside them in a car and gave Jimmy a little wink and an air-kiss, when he showed up at the set he looked kind of put out. Kimmel was afraid he wasn’t down with what they were asking. But he just said, “I don’t know, this wardrobe…don’t you have anything mesh that I could wear?”

Local Carpenter Stumbles Into Stardom, Worries This May Interfere With His Carpentry

okay but this is a power move above any other

warden coming out of his river to shame fishermankind

wait so the new superman animated show has clark kent transforming into superman a la magical girl anime sequence???

So you won that danimals sweepskate

I just want to remind you that sometimes your life really doesn't begin until you are 26+... Romanticizing and obsessing over our youth is harmful. Growing up is beautiful. Discovering who you are and how you interact with the world is a gift. Maturing and learning what you truly want out of life and living in that purpose brings fulfillment and peace. Your life is not over in your early 20's because you haven't figured it out yet, it's just beginning.

i was with my mother’s family and they were talking to me about my religious studies major. my great aunt asked me what the definition of hell was, and i responded “well i suppose it depends on who you ask.” and nearly all the protestants in the group decided that hell was “the absence of god” which i suppose is a fair answer, albeit not a universal one. my cousin’s wife was playing with her 3-year-old daughter and she says “well mommy says that hell is a mcdonald’s playplace” asdfghjhgfd

this 3-year-old girl is so fucking hilarious. her mothers have signed her up for a toddler yoga class, and so she has adopted a very unique language. this child also has an imaginary friend named “mom” which is, in her mind, the boss of her two mothers. for example, my cousin’s wife explained to me how her daughter got mad at them one time. the little girl situated herself in the corner of her crib, pretended to type on a cell phone and said  “im writing an email to mom right now and telling her how bad you two are. namaste.”

the family’s Big Theory about “Mom” is that both my cousin and her wife are referred to as “Mommy” and “Mama.” The nickname “Mom” is not used in the house because it would just be confusing. However, when interacting with the world, people tell their daughter that they will “tell her mom” if she is doing something wrong. so this child automatically assumes there is this greater “Mom” figure that is responsible for distributing universal justice. 

To be fair to the toddler, that’s pretty much how religions get started.

Our Mom, who art gonna hear about this,

rip to all the “fuckyeah___” blogs that carried our society at one point </3

jokes aside i think it’s amazing and heartwarming to see like 4chan incel bros perform the miracle of crawling out of that hole and becoming real human beings and chronicling their journey to realizing that they can be well adjusted happy normal dudes

Where’s the post about the guy who turned his life around bc of his shrimp? Bc that’s very relevant here

If someone told me $100,000 a year wasn’t enough to live on I think i’d kill them with a rock right then and there.

ehh what the hell

I need to believe in the heart of the post…

Oh? Well… *reblag*

i reblogged this and now my uncle is giving me 250 to dye my hair nani the fucko

I have nothing to lose

my palm was itchin today not riskin it

I always reblog the money posts cause I can’t afford not too lol

It works. I just got $300 for no reason.

Money dog is my friend

Money dog is the shit

I believe in the money dog😀

I believe in the money 🐶

Bless me pls money pup 🙏🐕

Pplease😭🙏🏽

im

Reblogged because I’m laughing my gut out

Reblogging cause I want the dog more than the money.

I believe in you money dog!