I'd Give Eraserhead

$5000 seems like a nice amount. Somebody should just give me $5000 today. Directly into my bank account. It would be very nice.

11. is just a really sweet person 12. no really my dad worked with him on firewall as the tech advisor and he was just a really swell guy 13. got my mom’s birth date from my dad and sent her flowers 14. he sent my mom flowers for her birthday 15. he didn’t even know her he just wanted to be sweet

this was a beautiful and necessary edition to this post thank you oh my god

Awwwww

When he was asked to be in Jimmy Kimmel’s “I’m Fucking Ben Affleck” video, in which he pulled up alongside them in a car and gave Jimmy a little wink and an air-kiss, when he showed up at the set he looked kind of put out. Kimmel was afraid he wasn’t down with what they were asking. But he just said, “I don’t know, this wardrobe…don’t you have anything mesh that I could wear?”

Local Carpenter Stumbles Into Stardom, Worries This May Interfere With His Carpentry

jeff goldblum is the type of guy who gets mistaken for gay because he’s jewish. nathan lane is the type of guy who gets mistaken for jewish because he’s gay. stanley tucci is the type of guy who gets mistaken for gay because he’s a mild-mannered italian, which is jewish. seth meyers gets mistaken for jewish because of everything about him. zachary levi gets mistaken for jewish because everyone wants him dead. tom cruise gets mistaken for gay because he is.

@magnetothemagnificent's addition: Weird Al Yankovic and Robin Williams get mistaken for Jewish because they're funny

I always iron my own clothes but my partner never asks me to do his—only if I offer—but even then he usually just takes the iron and does it himself. A smart man knows better than to risk pissing of his boyfriend when he's actively holding a hot iron.

Like I have at least one shirt that's so difficult to get all the wrinkles out of, if it wasn't mine & it was demanded of me to do all that work, I could see myself just setting it on fire.

Well I wasn’t planning on bringing a Geiger counter to church but now that you bring it up

you'll get the urge as an artist or a writer to say out loud the things you're worried about "the proportions are off" "kind of out of character" "i'm not good at summaries" "didn't get as much detail as i wanted" "i made a mistake and here's how" and that's the self-conscious part of your brain telling you "it's bad and if you don't tell them you know it's bad then they'll think you're stupid" but you've got to ignore that little voice and pretend you think it's good or else that little voice is going to ruin your life