Fire and Butts

staring at the dessert menu and twirling my hair and going "should I be baaaaddd" until the autistic girl I'm eating with says "there is nothing bad about eating dessert. it is a morally neutral action"

The funniest thing you can add to any piece of media is a boy detective. Breaking Bad needed a 13 year old child who goes around looking for clues to the caper and whatnot.

Hank

i understand all that shit about honor and knighthood and solemn vows but “kingslayer” is simply a bad insult. it sounds cool as fuck. might as well call him the landlord annihilator or the billionaire’s bane.

it’s so magical and beautiful that there are sprawling interconnected cave systems carved deep into the earth by various geological forces and you don’t have to go in them. there are miles and miles of stone passageways in total darkness that require you to exhale all the air out of your lungs to squeeze through parts of them and you don’t have to be there. some of these squeezes are underwater and require cave divers to take off their oxygen tanks and push them through ahead of them and me i am above ground looking at the sky as we speak. there are untold subterranean wonders no human has ever seen and i will not be the one to discover them #grateful #blessed

happy mooninite panic day

Yeah Ned pretty much IS a Noir Detective already

Iron Islander voice: Theon you [19 syllable dolphin noise slur] I see you came back WOKE and GAY and a WOMAN from us leaving you as a child prisoner to the guy with an 8 foot sword that makes you drag it around to executions in front of his screaming faced tree gods as a daily reminder that he can and will kill you (a child) just like he killed the rest of your family (some of which were also children). Did you have fun polishing his sword? I’ll bet. Did you write this letter yourself? Knowing there’s a one person literacy limit? Should we call you Theon the Reader, you reading fuck? And standing here in a jean jacket you bought yourself, may as well be sucking dick at old navy. You know who’s NOT woke or gay or a woman? Your sister Asha. Why can’t you be less gay and woke and a woman, like Asha? I bet she could run a democratic election because you know what isn’t gay Theon? Democracy

Imagine being at a peaceful political protest in Metropolis and the cops are showing up in full body armor and then Superman arrives, and you’re like, oh, shit, hes here to break up the protest but then he lands and joins it??? And he keeps lecturing the cops?

“These people have the right to free assembly!” he says while brandishing a copy of the Metropolis Legal Code. You’re not sure where he got it. He wasn’t carrying it when he landed, he’s got no pockets—was he storing it up his butt?

He keeps calling out individual cops by name. “Hey Ken! Does your mother know you’re shooting at unarmed children? Should I tell her next time I see her at Bibbo’s?”

Some brave yet dickish reporter asks him whether his mother knows he’s advocating against rule of law and he just smiles that goofy, inviting smile of his and goes “my mom was arrested 12 times back in the late 70s. She thinks I should be throwing punches.”