"It's fine, Alise," he said, and he tried not to sound brusque. She thought his feelings were hurt because he couldn't communicate with the animal. And she felt sorry for him. The thought almost made him smile, and his heart softened toward her. How many years had he felt sorry for her? It was odd to be on the receiving end of her pity. Odd and strangely touching that she'd care if his feelings were hurt.
part of me believes he’s a genuine friend to alise, but then i read a paragraph like this and wonder if that’s true at all. he looks out for her but in very patronizing way. and it feels like this goes deeper than roteverse-typical misogyny.
Dreams that had slowly shaped themselves inside his heart for the past four years clamored to be free. With this money, he could take Hest and they could leave Bingtown. They could go south, to Jamaillia, no, beyond Jamaillia, to lands he knew only as exotic names. There were places where two men could live as they wished to live, without questions, without condemnation or scandal. The money these scraps of dragon flesh would bring him would carry the two of them to those places, far from their families and their histories. It would buy them a future without secrets.
He scarcely dared to taste the thought that followed. It would buy him a future in which he and Hest were on an equal footing. For far too long he'd been completely dependent on Hest financially. The inequity had intruded more and more cruelly into their relationship. Hest was no longer merely assertive; he'd become cruelly dominant of late. If Sedric had a fortune of his own, perhaps Hest would give him more respect.
lolll as if hest would ever want to be on equal footing with his lover. they’re not social equals and that’s part of the draw for him. that’s what he wants.
"Hest is with you when he can be." Sedric sounded uncertain, probably because he knew he was lying. "He's a Trader, Alise. You know that means he must travel. If he doesn't travel, he can't find the special goods that bring in the prices that allow him to provide you with the life you have."
Sedric cleared his throat and moved away from her. "I've known Hest a long time," he said stiffly. "He's not a bad person, Alise. He's just—" He halted and she saw him searching for a word.
alise is confirming what sedric already knows, and that’s why his denial pisses me off so badly.
Hest. Oh, Hest. What have we done to her? What cruelty have I been a party to?
He didn't want to think about it yet he could not stop himself from thinking about it. He didn't want to envision Hest's hands on Alise. He knew that Hest must be with her, that he must do his best to father a child with her. He'd chosen never to think of the mechanics of that, never to wonder if Hest was tender and passionate with her. He didn't want to know, didn't want his feelings stirred about such things. What would it matter? It had nothing to do with Hest and him.
But he'd never imagined Hest would be harsh with her, or rough. But of course he would be. That was Hest. The man had strong hands, with long fingers and short, well-groomed nails. Sedric didn't want to think of those hands gripping her shoulders and the nails sinking into her flesh. They'd leave little half-moon dents there that would be small bruises by morning. Sedric knew. Unbidden, his hands left his face to touch and then grip his own shoulders. It had been weeks since Hest had left small bruises on him. He missed them.
he’s clearly in an abusive relationship except, unlike alise, he actually thinks it can be fixed. i understand the psychology of this on a surface level but it will always be disturbing to witness it.
Hest had been merciless. He’d teased him, and hurt him, then soothed and smoothed him. He'd been rough and then gentle, harshly demanding and then sweetly urging. The storm swept around them, making the trees bow and dance, but the cold couldn't reach them. The deep bed of needles in the darkness beneath the low-swooping evergreen branches had smelled sweet when they were crushed beneath their weight. Hest's cloak had covered them both. Time and family and the expectations of the rest of the world were blown away by the storm's breath.
Shortly before dawn, Hest had left him at the end of the carriageway to his family home. He'd limped home in muddied and torn garments, his hair wild, his mouth bruised. He'd slept as late as his father would allow him. Later that day, standing before his father in his study, he told a long lie about drunkenness and a tumble down a creek bank in the dark and a long walk home. He'd ached in every muscle, and his lips had been puffy and swollen. For three agonizing days, he'd moved quietly about his father's house. Mostly he kept to his room, seething with shame whenever he wasn't staring into the darkness and reliving every moment. Regret and lust warred in him.
the reveal of sedric’s first time with hest was very disturbing. hest was drunk. it also seems like he was older than sedric, though i have no idea what their exact age gap is.it’s just the way hobb describes it—that he was “barely” a man and just learning to shave. hest was obviously more experienced. he followed him to a secluded area, told him “you want this,” and oddly enough sedric thinks about it as if he did. but i’m not sure if that’s a genuine gray area or if it’s just another way for sedric to justify hest’s behavior towards him.
The "secret" drawer in the bottom of his wardrobe suddenly looked pathetically obvious. He unlatched it and dragged it open, all the while listening for the sound of footfalls on the deck outside. Was there a better place to hide his trove? Should he keep it all together or scatter it among his possessions? He bit his lip, debating.
Last night, he had added two items to his store. He held up to the dim light in the cabin a glass flask. The dragon blood filled it, smoky red and swirling when he held it to the light. Last night, he'd thought he'd imagined that motion, but he hadn't. The stuff in the flask was still rich red, liquid and moving as if it were itself alive.
i was genuinely shocked by this scene. i knew sedric’s intentions, but i never thought he’d act so rashly. he’s not just scavenging, he’s actively hunting. poaching.
He'd extracted three more scales from the creature, each about the size of the palm of his hand, wrapped them carefully in a kerchief, and tucked them into the breast of his shirt. He'd nearly returned to the barge then, for he knew that even one of the scales should bring him a rich price. But while a rich price might be enough to win their freedom, he doubted it would long keep Hest at his side. No. He had taken the risk already. He would either gain enough from this gamble to live like a king or he'd not bother. He'd be a fool to stop now when he was so close to making his fortune.
if you’re going to do something stupidly immoral/illegal, at least be sensible. taking too much at once is a great way to get caught.
and holy fuck just give it up already. hest will never love you
He recoiled from the touch of dragon's blood on his tongue, shocked that he had obeyed an impulse he couldn't even recall having. The taste of the blood flooded his mouth and filled his senses. He smelled it everywhere, not just in his nose but in the back of his throat and in the roof of his mouth. His ears rang with the scent, and his tongue tingled and stung. He tried to shake the remaining blood from his fingers, then wiped his hand down his shirt front. He was covered in blood and mud now. And still the dragon bled.
He stared at it, at the slow shifting and tangling of the trapped red stuff inside it. Like serpents twining round one another, he thought, and a ghostly image of sea serpents wrapping one another in the dim blue of an undersea world invaded his thoughts. He shook his head clear of the fancy, and he resisted the sudden urge to uncap the flask and smell the contents. He had sealing wax in his case. He should melt some over the neck of the flask to seal it securely. He should. He'd do it later.
now he’ll get the dragon’s memories! what the fuck. like seriously what the fuck. i wonder if drinking the blood will allow him to understand the dragon’s speech