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@sludgetoxicmilkshake
Handler x Hound, but it's a relationship closer to a rich valley girl and her aggressive, spoiled chihuahua.
I remember writing Corporate Hound and wanting to do something like that…. Also controversial take: Gender bent Palmer X Blair really is just mechsplo but with chihuahua
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I think my trouble connecting with other hounds is rooted largely in how cute the noises they make are when you start hurting them.
"Trouble" I think you mean "skill issue"
Those noises mean hounds like it and are trying to encourage you to do kore
Yeah? Gonna cry for me real pretty like, hound? Gonna whimper and sob for me while I lick the blood from your jaw and sink my nails into your wrists?
If that's all it takes to cry I deserve to be shot
No no, you are gonna have to really work for it
You know, put in a lot of effort and make sure I have dozens of bruises and some cuts before you even see a single tear
Woah woah woah, all it takes?? You're a hound, you take what you get and you're grateful. Besides, I already intend to rough you up well and thoroughly. Your little warmup is going to be just as fun for me as it is for you!
Hehe oh I am very grateful don't get me wrong, but I can enjoy lots more than you can ever give
And glad to admit it's just gonna be my warmup with what you have planned, I know it will be tough to make me even whimper in fear
More than I can ever give? That's quite the assertion honestly.. More than that, you've been such a good pilot.. you've done so much hard work and you've been so sweet this far, not to mention how helpful.. While hurting you could be fun, wouldn't you rather curl up in my lap? Get soft pets and sweet little kisses? Hear about how much I appreciate all your efforts? Come on Lucky, won't you be my sweet hound for a minute or so?
This feels like a trap...
And apparently you don't know about the fact I will absolutely bite the hand that feeds me and pets me
It does sound sweet but I only get that once I've been beaten till I can't move...
Why would it be a trap? Sure, I’m going to hurt you, but can’t that wait until after? Besides, I’ve read your file. You like biting, and I can absolutely withstand a few nips from a good puppy like you.. why can’t I pet it and show it I think it’s a good puppy while it bites me? Why can’t I praise it and call it good and sweet and obedient?
I-i mean you can...
But but I'll keep biting and fighting the compliments so it will do no good
So um, ha!
If I can then I will.
If you need to bite me to anchor yourself to me, I don’t mind. Just to let you know I’m there. Just to make sure you know I won’t leave. It’s okay if you bite harder when I move, but know I won’t move to leave. Besides, you don’t have to accept my compliments. I can keep giving them. I can show you how sweet and perfect you are even if you deny it. Is that not just a good puppy being humble?
I... I.. um....
This is a complete 180 and I don't know how to react or say but I'll lay my head on your lap
Still gonna bite since no one muzzles me and gonna make that your problem
And don't mind my claws too
Good hound. Good, obedient, sweet hound. Look at how much nicer this is. Besides, it’s not a problem. I told you! You can bite me all you want! And I certainly won’t mind your claws.
Pretty, sweet hound.
You, you are too sweet
Now I feel bad about hurting you....
May I lick your wounds better?
Radio *Cthick* "Hello yes, they're at it again..." Sigh "Yes I'll get the blood cleaner..." "No it wasn't my idea to have them bleed in the same area as their living quarters..." hitch "NO. Again I don't know the cost of replacing the cots." Breath in "Do I at least get paid for this? Like last time? Please? I don't want to interrupt them but if I wait its going to seep in and become permanent and last time you docked my pay because we had to get new-..." Sigh "And she's gone... fucking A" Sounds of mop sloshing and keys jingling. "Please ignore me. I- I really need this job. Im in-between hounds right now and having to get shots for whatever you both have is not on my bucket list... or my medical insurance. So no biting me... you can do that to each other plenty." Very quiet whistling "So uh... I've always wondered how you get the claws and teeth like that? I assume it's cosmetic right?" Huff "Sorry if im interrupting here but im genuinely curious... I mean does it hurt?" Mop falling to the floor as I pace "like I assume getting claws like that requires surgery? Or growing out your nails?" Groan "Great the dogs have better nail plans than I do... great." Leaning "Hey do you know what the rate is for the average Handler is? Yeah well it's significantly more than being a janitor... god how did she keep you both alive so long? I've had three mutts mulched in the past year. Probably why they've stopped giving them to me for free." Pokes cage bars "And all I can expect is three more months of this shit before I can even get a lumber mech. Again, fucking A. Anyways... I'll probably see you again at some point. Keep in mind: You dont bite, I dont get very expensive medicine and I'll clean that cage properly. Alright, glad we cleared that up." Waltzes back to the hallway "Ah fuck my mop"
Oh um if you are wondering I had my arms and limbs ripped off by pack-sister a while back, so elbows and knees down are all metal. So claws kinda just came with it, does help when I climb enemy mechs and rip them apart
As for the teeth, I got mine replaced with a titanium alloy. My third potential handler requested I get them put in after the second potential "handler" beat and ripped every last tooth out of my head while trying to make me obey him. Spoiler alert didn't work.
(Janitor-Handler character very concerned and very questioning. Is this really the secret to making hounds that last longer than a few hours in intense combat?)
I think my trouble connecting with other hounds is rooted largely in how cute the noises they make are when you start hurting them.
"Trouble" I think you mean "skill issue"
Those noises mean hounds like it and are trying to encourage you to do kore
Yeah? Gonna cry for me real pretty like, hound? Gonna whimper and sob for me while I lick the blood from your jaw and sink my nails into your wrists?
If that's all it takes to cry I deserve to be shot
No no, you are gonna have to really work for it
You know, put in a lot of effort and make sure I have dozens of bruises and some cuts before you even see a single tear
Woah woah woah, all it takes?? You're a hound, you take what you get and you're grateful. Besides, I already intend to rough you up well and thoroughly. Your little warmup is going to be just as fun for me as it is for you!
Hehe oh I am very grateful don't get me wrong, but I can enjoy lots more than you can ever give
And glad to admit it's just gonna be my warmup with what you have planned, I know it will be tough to make me even whimper in fear
More than I can ever give? That's quite the assertion honestly.. More than that, you've been such a good pilot.. you've done so much hard work and you've been so sweet this far, not to mention how helpful.. While hurting you could be fun, wouldn't you rather curl up in my lap? Get soft pets and sweet little kisses? Hear about how much I appreciate all your efforts? Come on Lucky, won't you be my sweet hound for a minute or so?
This feels like a trap...
And apparently you don't know about the fact I will absolutely bite the hand that feeds me and pets me
It does sound sweet but I only get that once I've been beaten till I can't move...
Why would it be a trap? Sure, I’m going to hurt you, but can’t that wait until after? Besides, I’ve read your file. You like biting, and I can absolutely withstand a few nips from a good puppy like you.. why can’t I pet it and show it I think it’s a good puppy while it bites me? Why can’t I praise it and call it good and sweet and obedient?
I-i mean you can...
But but I'll keep biting and fighting the compliments so it will do no good
So um, ha!
If I can then I will.
If you need to bite me to anchor yourself to me, I don’t mind. Just to let you know I’m there. Just to make sure you know I won’t leave. It’s okay if you bite harder when I move, but know I won’t move to leave. Besides, you don’t have to accept my compliments. I can keep giving them. I can show you how sweet and perfect you are even if you deny it. Is that not just a good puppy being humble?
I... I.. um....
This is a complete 180 and I don't know how to react or say but I'll lay my head on your lap
Still gonna bite since no one muzzles me and gonna make that your problem
And don't mind my claws too
Good hound. Good, obedient, sweet hound. Look at how much nicer this is. Besides, it’s not a problem. I told you! You can bite me all you want! And I certainly won’t mind your claws.
Pretty, sweet hound.
You, you are too sweet
Now I feel bad about hurting you....
May I lick your wounds better?
Radio *Cthick* "Hello yes, they're at it again..." Sigh "Yes I'll get the blood cleaner..." "No it wasn't my idea to have them bleed in the same area as their living quarters..." hitch "NO. Again I don't know the cost of replacing the cots." Breath in "Do I at least get paid for this? Like last time? Please? I don't want to interrupt them but if I wait its going to seep in and become permanent and last time you docked my pay because we had to get new-..." Sigh "And she's gone... fucking A" Sounds of mop sloshing and keys jingling. "Please ignore me. I- I really need this job. Im in-between hounds right now and having to get shots for whatever you both have is not on my bucket list... or my medical insurance. So no biting me... you can do that to each other plenty." Very quiet whistling "So uh... I've always wondered how you get the claws and teeth like that? I assume it's cosmetic right?" Huff "Sorry if im interrupting here but im genuinely curious... I mean does it hurt?" Mop falling to the floor as I pace "like I assume getting claws like that requires surgery? Or growing out your nails?" Groan "Great the dogs have better nail plans than I do... great." Leaning "Hey do you know what the rate is for the average Handler is? Yeah well it's significantly more than being a janitor... god how did she keep you both alive so long? I've had three mutts mulched in the past year. Probably why they've stopped giving them to me for free." Pokes cage bars "And all I can expect is three more months of this shit before I can even get a lumber mech. Again, fucking A. Anyways... I'll probably see you again at some point. Keep in mind: You dont bite, I dont get very expensive medicine and I'll clean that cage properly. Alright, glad we cleared that up." Waltzes back to the hallway "Ah fuck my mop"
Door opens, King’s eyes go to it. The petting doesn’t stop.
“No you’re— you’re good it’s cool dude I get it. You’re totally fine. You’re not gonna like.. hurt me so I wasn’t gonna bite you.”
His eyes stay on the janitor, still cradling the other hound close to him.
“Oh yeah no these came with my augmentation. I mean, it’s a dead program and there’s not many of us post the takeover but.. I mean y’know, there’s a ton of hounds like that. Claws are retractable. It’s like an elastic tendon, but it feels really weird so I prefer not to extend them. Combat stinks are filtered into them so.. I dunno I guess it’s nicer than pissing it out.”
King looks back to the other in his lap and kinda just tries to look anywhere but at them.
“Uh… probably not enough dude.. they like, beat the joy out of you with a bat in the process.. then there’s the paper pushing when you’re away from your hound. I don’t know though, I’m independent for the time being.. I make a shit ton of money but with all the refits and hiring I have to do it’s rough.. oh— uh, yeah. Yeah take care man. Oh your m—… yeah you left your mop. Sorry I was gonna tell you but you left and.. yeah..”
(you can really tell a hound from one of TR regular characters because they normally beat the shit out of the immortal soldier when they interrupt their sex.) (Also funny to imagine you saying all of that with a look of genuine confusion and awkwardness like 'wtf can you leave?')
I think i found my next classic shitpost to warp and corrupt.
The legendary.
"Ive come to make an announcement. Shadow the hedgehog is a bitch ass mother fucker"
This is just the perfect time to do a AU of Love the Bomb "I've come to make an announcement: Ripper the Bombhandler is a bitch ass mother fucker. She bomb broke my wife! Yeah thats right, she took her antiseptic cleaned saws out and implanted my wife and she said her 'bombs' were now "this big" and I said "thats disgusting". So I'm making a callout post on my twitter dot com: Ripper the bomb handler you have no game. You get off to women you have to drug. And guess what? Here's what my love life looks like now. Thats right baby: All curves, no safety, no survival instincts, look at that my love looks like a fucking bomb. She fucked my wife so guess what... IM GONNA FUCK THE BOMB Thats right, this is what you get, MY LOVE FOR MY WIFE. Except im not groping her, im going to go higher, IM HAVING MOURNING SEX WITH MY WIFE. HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT RIPPER? I HAD WHAT YOU CAN NEVER HAVE: IDIOT! You have twenty three hours before my wife explodes, now get out of my fucking sight, before I make her explode you as revenge.
getting high and having sex in the cockpit of a mech whilst listening to Jamiroquai is a fantastic idea, you agree right?
Yes biting and kissing each other all over counts as sex
I have zero clue how to introduce his music to my family/friends without seeming like a conservative purely because of Virtual insanity Like I had more worries coming out to them
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thinking about diatoms again
microscopic living stars made of glass that eat the sun. and they're all around us. in every body of water. glass sun-eating stars.
I like them a lot. they produce up to half of all earth's oxygen. the air you breathe is thanks to sun-eating stars made of glass. and that's pretty cool.
and you know. like oblongs and triangles and some other bullshit
thank you op, this post gave me such reality whiplash that I had to go read the wikipedia for diatoms and now I have Learned Things :D
hooray!!! let’s all Learn Things every day [:
Human Crab find good astrophage question?
I think my trouble connecting with other hounds is rooted largely in how cute the noises they make are when you start hurting them.
"Trouble" I think you mean "skill issue"
Those noises mean hounds like it and are trying to encourage you to do kore
Yeah? Gonna cry for me real pretty like, hound? Gonna whimper and sob for me while I lick the blood from your jaw and sink my nails into your wrists?
If that's all it takes to cry I deserve to be shot
No no, you are gonna have to really work for it
You know, put in a lot of effort and make sure I have dozens of bruises and some cuts before you even see a single tear
Woah woah woah, all it takes?? You're a hound, you take what you get and you're grateful. Besides, I already intend to rough you up well and thoroughly. Your little warmup is going to be just as fun for me as it is for you!
Hehe oh I am very grateful don't get me wrong, but I can enjoy lots more than you can ever give
And glad to admit it's just gonna be my warmup with what you have planned, I know it will be tough to make me even whimper in fear
More than I can ever give? That's quite the assertion honestly.. More than that, you've been such a good pilot.. you've done so much hard work and you've been so sweet this far, not to mention how helpful.. While hurting you could be fun, wouldn't you rather curl up in my lap? Get soft pets and sweet little kisses? Hear about how much I appreciate all your efforts? Come on Lucky, won't you be my sweet hound for a minute or so?
This feels like a trap...
And apparently you don't know about the fact I will absolutely bite the hand that feeds me and pets me
It does sound sweet but I only get that once I've been beaten till I can't move...
Why would it be a trap? Sure, I’m going to hurt you, but can’t that wait until after? Besides, I’ve read your file. You like biting, and I can absolutely withstand a few nips from a good puppy like you.. why can’t I pet it and show it I think it’s a good puppy while it bites me? Why can’t I praise it and call it good and sweet and obedient?
I-i mean you can...
But but I'll keep biting and fighting the compliments so it will do no good
So um, ha!
If I can then I will.
If you need to bite me to anchor yourself to me, I don’t mind. Just to let you know I’m there. Just to make sure you know I won’t leave. It’s okay if you bite harder when I move, but know I won’t move to leave. Besides, you don’t have to accept my compliments. I can keep giving them. I can show you how sweet and perfect you are even if you deny it. Is that not just a good puppy being humble?
I... I.. um....
This is a complete 180 and I don't know how to react or say but I'll lay my head on your lap
Still gonna bite since no one muzzles me and gonna make that your problem
And don't mind my claws too
Good hound. Good, obedient, sweet hound. Look at how much nicer this is. Besides, it’s not a problem. I told you! You can bite me all you want! And I certainly won’t mind your claws.
Pretty, sweet hound.
You, you are too sweet
Now I feel bad about hurting you....
May I lick your wounds better?
Radio *Cthick* "Hello yes, they're at it again..." Sigh "Yes I'll get the blood cleaner..." "No it wasn't my idea to have them bleed in the same area as their living quarters..." hitch "NO. Again I don't know the cost of replacing the cots." Breath in "Do I at least get paid for this? Like last time? Please? I don't want to interrupt them but if I wait its going to seep in and become permanent and last time you docked my pay because we had to get new-..." Sigh "And she's gone... fucking A" Sounds of mop sloshing and keys jingling. "Please ignore me. I- I really need this job. Im in-between hounds right now and having to get shots for whatever you both have is not on my bucket list... or my medical insurance. So no biting me... you can do that to each other plenty." Very quiet whistling "So uh... I've always wondered how you get the claws and teeth like that? I assume it's cosmetic right?" Huff "Sorry if im interrupting here but im genuinely curious... I mean does it hurt?" Mop falling to the floor as I pace "like I assume getting claws like that requires surgery? Or growing out your nails?" Groan "Great the dogs have better nail plans than I do... great." Leaning "Hey do you know what the rate is for the average Handler is? Yeah well it's significantly more than being a janitor... god how did she keep you both alive so long? I've had three mutts mulched in the past year. Probably why they've stopped giving them to me for free." Pokes cage bars "And all I can expect is three more months of this shit before I can even get a lumber mech. Again, fucking A. Anyways... I'll probably see you again at some point. Keep in mind: You dont bite, I dont get very expensive medicine and I'll clean that cage properly. Alright, glad we cleared that up." Waltzes back to the hallway "Ah fuck my mop"
Throwing up in the sink after another battle, washing away their blood but not the disgusting sins that revolting mutt in the mirror committed.
Whose face is that, anyway?
Me not knowing if the throw up is their blood Not knowing if by their they mean the mutt or their enemies Finding both interpretations incredibly cool
Hey are you okay? You’ve been fantasizing about being institutionally abused and dehumanized while hooked up to an iv drip of enough drugs to permanently prevent you from reassociating and having all responsibility taken away from you by a mean lesbian who doesn’t care about your autonomy, again.
@ultimasheir Haha. Couldn't be us! The *sane* and *reasonable* people! Anyway does anyone else hear ticking?
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little Mutt? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in Imperial Handler Training!, and I've been involved in numerous secret War-crimes on Rebel Space, and I have over 300 confirmed Hounds. I am trained in psychosexual warfare and I'm the top Handler in the entire Imperial armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another Victim. I will Condition you the fuck out with Starlight the likes of which has never been seen before on this rock, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over Comms? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of Dog Mechs across the Highlands and your Callsign is being traced right now so you better prepare for the Programming, Mutt The Programming that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your Ego. You're a fucking Shell, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can Corrupt you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my gloved hands. Not only am I extensively trained in Gaslighting, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Imperial Kennel Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the Planet, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" Ambush was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you Gods abandoned idiot. I will put my boot all over you and you will fuck it. You're fucking dead, Mutt!
-Jane Handler
Kionne still gets shudders thinking back on that
And promptly stomps harder into her far superior hound. After all, you have to give Kionne points for effectively removing everything from Amnyta. Its like a master chef being shown up at de-scaling a fish by their pupil... except with mind control
Gods what I wouldnt give to be in Amnyta's shoes
Like she got the dream mind break, the one I desire with my entire being
as someone who cannot remember with any dexterity like things more than 6 months ago I kinda imagine it’s like that but for EVERYTHING. The kind of brain fog you get when someone tells you that you did something but you can’t remember but applied to everything including your basic personhood Also I’m just picturing Handler being enraged ”SHE FULLY MINDBROKE A HOUND INTO A USABLE COGNISENT SUBJECT WITHOUT MAKING A MINDLESS ANIMAL IN A SINGLE DUEL WITH A BOX OF STIMS!!!” Kionne: “Well I’d say most imperial units are about 10 years away from developing permanently mind wiped hounds without the need for Starlight - For Handler more like 20”
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I've started a collection of stupid things I've heard in this base.... some of these may have been directed at me......
"What are you gonna do shoot me? *Shotgun racking* Oh no."
"The horrors may persist but at least this jumpsuit makes my ass look nice"
"If you don't stay on that fucking stretcher, I will give you a reason too!"
"You'd have to be a new level of brainless to paint your chassis like a bowl of tomato soup"
"No that's your cockpit, not your fucking goon cave"
"This top shelf combat stim disrupted my circadian rhythm I'm moving different"
"No, vodka, cigarettes, estrogen, and a microwave burrito do not make for a balanced breakfast..."
"I'm starting to think you need to be thrown out a window. again."
"What the fuck is an emotional support railgun?"
"No that's not character development. That's fucking PTSD"
"The R&D department really is just 15 raccoons with access to power tools..."
"I'm starting to think you got your pilot certifications from the back of a cereal box..."
"No amount of sedatives will ever let me unhear the shit you just said"
"You really are the results of if a war crime and an Osha violation had a one night stand...."
"Yesterday's broken pile bunker is today's speargun!"
"Fire a warning shot!" "Sir with all due respect this is a 160mm auto cannon" "Did I fucking stutter?"
"buddy... sorry but your logic has the fucking structural integrity of Titan Arms stock value!"
....feel free to add... Besides what Leones did to me you fucks are also the reason I drink.
-Hols
and yet none of this will compare to the Duncan Fisher MechWarrior bloopers (I jest. These are very good)
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little Mutt? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in Imperial Handler Training!, and I've been involved in numerous secret War-crimes on Rebel Space, and I have over 300 confirmed Hounds. I am trained in psychosexual warfare and I'm the top Handler in the entire Imperial armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another Victim. I will Condition you the fuck out with Starlight the likes of which has never been seen before on this rock, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over Comms? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of Dog Mechs across the Highlands and your Callsign is being traced right now so you better prepare for the Programming, Mutt The Programming that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your Ego. You're a fucking Shell, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can Corrupt you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my gloved hands. Not only am I extensively trained in Gaslighting, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Imperial Kennel Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the Planet, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" Ambush was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you Gods abandoned idiot. I will put my boot all over you and you will fuck it. You're fucking dead, Mutt!
-Jane Handler
Kionne still gets shudders thinking back on that
And promptly stomps harder into her far superior hound. After all, you have to give Kionne points for effectively removing everything from Amnyta. Its like a master chef being shown up at de-scaling a fish by their pupil... except with mind control
How i be laying outside the mech post mission waiting for Handler to notice me
The real question, outside on the catwalk in the way everyone else or outside on the hanger floor in the way of every other mech coming and going?
Calm. Moisturised. Muzzled. In everyone's way Like it's supposed to be :3
yes i will be using the 4chan > thingy cuz its confy liv me alon
>felt horny >opened a mechsplo smut fic >they started talking about engines >hmmm,,,, engines...... >started daydreaming, wondered how you make an engine >started watching videos of people making engines in their homes >engines started buzzing >got horny again >back to mechsplo with some newly acquired knowledge
i love life and learning and engines and people doing whatever the fuck and uploading it to share their joy
Engineers really do be calling combustion engines "suck squeeze bang blow" Also have you heard of a Ramjet? Fucking badass name
So, you pilot an experimental ground to air combat mech?
Guess your a hound and a hawktoohuh?
Bites you Bites you so hard Kicking and screaming that I've been clean of that word for months and now you bring it on my feed. I've lost
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She calling me Monarch in bed Not because I'm a queen But because I'm a selective mute ace pilot Hell yeah
Mumbles approvingly
This is the closest I've seen someone make a username joke in the mechsplo community besides the cheap ones I have. Take my reactions
She-ra and the Princesses of Power (2018) features a woman who has a larger form with extra powers wielded as a weapon because of a piece of technology.
Mechsploitation is a genre of erotic fiction in which -
(sounds of doors being breached)
No no no NO NO FORTHEHONOROFGRAYSKULL!
Im sorry that is a comfort relationship for me I have to break your legs Its nothing personal, im just the messenger (In all seriousness that has put a range of ideas in my head)
