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woe! texted a casual acquaintance "I've been considering getting into knotting"

Why?

KNITTING TYPO

thank you faithful henchpeople of tumblr. you do my bidding well...

*nods sagely* in the spirit of penis

idk what neurodivergent young adult needs to hear this but you are NOT supposed to give 100% at your job. I've gotten more promotions and raises since I started giving 40-60%, which my evil CEO uncle informed me is what bosses actually expect when they say 110%. My mental health has improved tremendously. I've spent 2 out of 5 workdays secretly writing my novel for the last 2 years and I've never been more respected and appreciated. Also--when you see glaring wasteful errors in the company's operating systems, say absolutely nothing! Embrace inefficiency. It is your friend in this capitalist hellscape.

the best time to start your chuunibyou phase is as a adult woman in her 30s

This edible ain’t shit!!!!!! Just kidding dokey Kong 64 🦍🦧🐒🍌🌴🌴🌴🍌🛢️🍉🍊🥥🥜🍇🍍🪶🐊🦏🐝🦫🏝️🏜️🌊👑🔑🧚📸🌈🍌🟡🔴🔵🟣🟢🎈

theres a subreddit for absurd substitutions on recipe sites that my idle brain has been reading and i think what im getting out of it is that a lot of people dont intuitively believe that food chemistry actually exists and just think that the ingredients are there for flavor. eggs dont do anything to cookies except add egg to them, the thing that makes a cookie a cookie is the declaration that you are baking cookies. if they come out wrong then you did the declaration incorrectly, and on a recipe site, that declaration is being done by the writer of the recipe.

so i know the official subtitles translate saiki's "yare yare" into "good grief" but i think we should start translating it to "for fuck's sake"

when you hear the premise of saiki k is "a loner boy with amazing psychic powers is constantly hounded by people desperately wanting to be his friends" its easy to assume that its because they think his powers are awesome, but... they dont even know about his powers. they just all love his autism swag so much that theyll start crying and screaming and throwing up if hes not around

exiting a uquiz halfway through when it becomes clear the creator's narrow and immature world view and cultural knowledge leaves them totally unequipped to tell me which peanuts character i am with any degree of accuracy or insight

saying “i want him” about the character but not in a romantic or sexual way . i just Require him i need to Obtain him

i want this man in my inventory

ms word ms excel and ms powerpoint are all snooty disagreeable ladies who wont speak to me due to my meager dowry but then i meet their beautiful sister ms paint whos clumsy but charming and we fall in beautiful love. and i become mr paint