this winter hasn’t been so rough

geno at the cameraperson: you FILM me??? you FILM ME?????? you CAPTURE my IMAGE on TAPE while i’m on VACATION?????? i am a card-carrying member of my local union and i demand fair compensation for my labor & for the use of my image in all promotional materials produced by this organization. you WILL be hearing from my lawyer. also give it a rest man we have 30 games left i’m so old i just want to sleep

sid: 33 games. 33? i’m saying it like a question but i know the exact number of games we have left because i lie away every night staring at the ceiling calculating how many more games we can lose before my playoff hopes are crushed and people start posting a new wave of clickbait articles about how i’ve passed the torch to fucking, idk, mcdavid or whatever, because i’m an old washed-up hag who’s officially passed my last fuckable day!

geno: sure, whatever, 33. all i know is we need 65000 points. i’m sure the math will work out. anyway do you think sully will make us work hard in practice tomorrow

sid: i bet it’ll just feel hard! it’s all mental you know. everything is mental. everything’s just about the power of your mind. the power of your will. like for example if my mind were stronger i could will this team into winning 33 games in a row and then winning every playoff series and then winning the cup again. that’s how it works! the reason we’re losing is that my mind isn’t strong enough. my will isn’t pure enough. i must want harder. i must practice more. i must lie awake longer in the night manifesting the image of myself holding the cup. i’ve been thinking, i bet if i just try hard enough i could learn to move things with my mind. if i overcome the limitations of the human mind i could develop telekinesis so as to move my deadbeat teammates into the correct defensive positions to block shots so we don’t blow every lead we put up. the problem must be that i don’t want to win badly enough. the problem is with me. i have failed myself. i have failed my team. i have failed the city that put its hopes in me. i bet practice will be fine.

geno: skating is hard work. i think we should get more PTO. i’m going to keep looking over at you every two seconds to make sure you’re laughing at all my jokes.

sid: :)))) you’re so funny geno how are you so funny :))))))) sometimes when you make jokes i forget for a single beautiful second what a crushing disappointment this season has been and how much i’m letting down everyone around me. i love you :))))) hey did you know some guys play TOMORROW? can you believe that? god they’re so lucky. let me explain to you how game scheduling works in the national hockey league. also while i explain it to you i’ll slouch down even further in my seat and casually lift my arm over my head and pull my leg up weirdly so i can angle my entire body towards you. is that sexy? is that doing it for you?

geno fondly: yes, beloved dweeb. everything about you does it for me, from your awkward seduction techniques to the way you vibrate like an anxious chihuahua when you start thinking too much about how much we suck. hey wanna get drunk and make out in the back? 

- it’s fun to be awake & in an upright position

- consciousness is a gift

A country where the only place you've been is an airport on a layover, Earth