what i miss most about being a chocolatier (besides the honor of gayest job title imaginable) is we had these massive bars of chocolate for tempering that were 10lbs and we had to break them into smaller chunks. by using a sledgehammer of course. i LIVED for that shit

all the other people in production HATED busting them especially at the end of the shift but i fucking loved it. give me the hammer. i can be trusted with the hammer. And everyone did in fact trust me with the hammer because again they all thought it was tedious and painful. me? i was having the time of my life. even if i had to pick up the slack for other people i would be annoyed for all of five seconds before the euphoria of getting to smash things set in. and the production areas had windows too so customers often just got to watch me beat the shit out of a massive chocolate bar. with a hammer. like a zoo animal. i was getting paid to do that. every day i miss it.

The first rule of fandom is have fun. The second rule of fandom is find an enabler and become an enabler. Yes you should write that fic. What if it was even hornier? What if it was angstier? What if you wrote it just for me?

don’t you hate when you feel like you’re forgetting something but you can’t remember what it is because you forgot about it and the absence of what it’s supposed to be is so present in your brain it’s like a popup ad in the corner of your field of vision and you can’t close out of it and you can’t see what it says but you also can’t see past it either. am I making any sense at all

it’s like someone put a sticky note on my forehead as a reminder but the words were written on the other side

Sober as fuck at the back of the club going onto Wikipedia and typing "List of birds"

why r apps asking for pin codes u r NOT that important

"2 step verification" i can delete u in 5 seconds

so im having a piss in the bathroom (where its supposed to go…) and these vaping godless wenches think the sound of my tinkle warrants a giggle. does anyone know how to get me in contact with some powerful etsy witches for a cheap and swift vengeance

i really need to commit to microwaving this in my brain enough to fic it because i still think about this and laugh

I wonder how it feels to be a therapist or psychiatrist in 2026 and watch the despair of young patients and realize it’s not attributed to mental illness but a rational response to the state of the capitalist hellscape world we live in

had a dream that I was arguing with someone who insisted that kissing could be platonic but ONLY within a very specific mathematical range of angles and percentages of lip contact. like a level of granularity you'd need a protractor to figure out. this wasn't about personal comfort, it was a universal law. and I was getting really mad and eventually yelled "TONGUE can be platonic!!" and now I understand how ancient philosophers felt when they had revelations of truth revealed to them in a dream