pete her murphy...

let's all go out and buy pink refreshing citrusy fruity sexually arousing drinks

a warthog is a thog specialized for use in war

When I finish this whale shark lamp all 4 of you are gonna be So I'm pressed

She glows now, just so you know, and she's full of string deliciöusee string

Are you gonna show us the lamp? 👀

A lot more than 4 of us are impressed

just received the best text message I’ve ever had. from my mom

Someone in my apartment complex is playing the bagpipes at bagpipes volume

Unless you’ve ever been in a room with a bagpipes player you have no idea how fucking loud bagpipes volume is.

I have in fact several times been in a room with a bagpipes player and can fully confirm that this is absolutely the volume at which bagpipes Are

A bagpipe’s natural habitat is a vast misty moor and taking it out of there is animal cruelty (to us we are the animals here)

teamwork makes the dream work. and dreamwork. makes shrek

that is supposed to say smile.

I see that town in my restless dreams..

if you could ignore everything abt me then im actually perfect

can everything be about me for once instead of the vampire almond or the vampire lostat

Yes yes yes this scene thank you for the tag, heehehehe

It’s funny because this scene must be based on the memoir Special Agent by Candis DeLong. In it she describes being out looking at clothes at a department store on lunch break with another female agent and overhearing a conversation between a man and a woman in which he says he’s an FBI agent. They peer around some clothes racks thinking that they’re going to see one of their fellow agents trying to get a date, and when they don’t recognize the guy they go over and pretend to be interested in the big strong FBI agent themselves and ask to see his badge. The guy actually pulled out a fake badge, whereupon they said “Huh, that doesn’t look anything like ours…”, produced their own badges and arrested him for impersonating an FBI agent. (I remember this bit from a 25 year old book because I actually stole it myself for a fic)

Exquisite. Glorious. 10/10 thank you for sharing.