Ivy's muses

what their data (purposely) fails to show is the sharp decline in signups between the 27th of may and the first of june, the day that these features rolled out, because their chart cuts off before the password sharing crackdown even went into effect. their data also does not count the number of cancelled subscriptions, and does not distinguish between free trial sign ups and paid subscription sign ups.

Your wish is my command, random advertisement. I don't know what you expect me to do with your devilish concoction, but your wish remains my command.

I need to know what demographic hates this! Dentists? Dermatologists? General Doctors? Counter-Terrorist Organizations? Interpol? The USPS? Grocery Store Employees? The lucrative 18-35 demographic? Will I be put on trial for war crimes? But you don't tell me, you just tell me to mix one with the other and fail to tell me who hates this one weird trick!

It started off fine as I mixed them. It changed to the color of the toothpaste (white), and vaguely resembled lotion in appearance. Then I made a horrible error. I touched it.

I touched it and immediately nearly all of it adhered to my skin. Everything I touched thereafter gained a thin layer of vaguely minty-smelling slime. It was some unholy abomination of a substance. Water couldn't get it off. Soap couldn't get it off. It stuck to tile, it stuck to wood, it stuck to carpet, and it doesn't adhere to itself, so no amount of scraping with my hands could get it off, it just spread more.

Finally I had to get a sacrificial towel to wipe the substance off of me and everything I'd touched on the way to get the towel. Despite washing and scraping with a brush, my hands still smell like mint and feel slightly slimy. I can feel my skin burning from the mint flavoring of the toothpaste nearly an hour after getting it off my skin. I didn't even know that was possible until today. I could have gone my whole life without knowing that, but now I know.

Look at me like he can’t believe I exist

“My cat likes to walk on her wheel while I’m on my exercise bike. The way she looks at me makes my heart melt 😻😭” 

I’ve found it.

Then, when your friend takes a minute to go to the bathroom, grab your phone and take a photo of your friend's phone sitting on your table. Do not touch it, and put your own phone back exactly where it was immediately once you've got the picture. Carry on with whatever you two were doing.

Once your time is up and your friend has left for home, wait for a good 15 minutes or so, for them to either get back home or be well on their way there. Text your friend, "hey, you forgot your phone", and send them the photo you took of their phone on your table. Set a stopwatch running from the moment your friend sees the message.