no such thing as wasting your 20s your 20s are for recovering from whatever the fuck happened to you as a kid so that youre ready to get weird with it in your 30s

The only true constant on this earth is reading a deeply disturbing short story when you were like 12 and being forever traumatized by it, every single human being has undergone this I'm sure

If you were traumatized by Ray Bradbury in middle school you may be entitled to financial compensation

#god i wish that were me

Listen I see this becoming the norm in 5 years.

that’s enough emotions for a whole year. ciao

The earlier in the year you reblog this the better it gets

(suffering the clear and obvious ramifications of my voluntary actions) once again god torments me for no purpose but sick amusement

funniest thing would be if when Queen Elizabeth dies or steps down and Charles is all ready to assume the throne, here comes King Arthur, Excalibur in hand, sauntering back from Avalon like “oof what a nap! thanks for keeping the chair warm I’m back to be king again”

like, given that “King Arthur isn’t actually dead, he’ll be back to be King again someday” is, like, an actual aspect of the legend and a thing that a lot of people purport to believe, has anyone ever actually tried it? showing up to buckingham palace claiming to be Arthur Pendragon, The Once And Future King, and assume the throne? does the british government have a protocol for checking whether someone claiming to be King Arthur actually is? does parliament have a secret picture of the Real Excalibur kept under lock and key, only viewed if someone claims to be King Arthur, that they can use to confirm or refute the identity of alleged Kings Arthur? if not, how do they deter every jackass with a sward from pretending to be him? does filing a false King Arthur report constitute treason?

The rules are simple. “Arthur” has to show up with a sword. They give the sword to the Lady of the Lake, and if she throws it back to the claimant, he’s legit and gets to be king again.

Well when you look at it that way, one might conclude that strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government.

im not a christian but at this point i want jesus christ himself to descend from the afterlife to take the microphone out of trump’s hands and say “are yall fuckin serious”

Imagine how much Trump would hate that, having a Middle Eastern man interrupt him.

a middle eastern jewish man

A middle eastern jewish man born in Palestine who gave away free healthcare and chased capitalists with a whip.

the internet has ruined riddles. hows the riddle market supposed to succeed when u can just look up the answer to any old riddle on ur damn phone. have some respect

have a relationship thats mature enough to sit down and be like “ look this is our problem and this is how we’re gonna fix it..” SIMPLE

What do you mean "unholy" they are just little guys.

Look at these wonderful lads

My British is showing but isn’t that a red panda and two raccoons?

Red Panda, Tanuki AKA Japanese Raccoon Dog, and Raccoon. They're all in the "trash panda" genus though.

Chaotic good

NO! This is Lawful Good! He is following the LAW! Chaotic doesn't just mean cheeky!

Always reblog for malicious compliance

im not a christian but at this point i want jesus christ himself to descend from the afterlife to take the microphone out of trump’s hands and say “are yall fuckin serious”

Imagine how much Trump would hate that, having a Middle Eastern man interrupt him.

a middle eastern jewish man

A middle eastern jewish man born in Palestine who gave away free healthcare and chased capitalists with a whip.