Life Is Pain And Suffering What’s Up

🎉 CONGRATS

Highlights include:

For your first two years (when you were small) you lived in a foster home with people who raised you into a very polite young man. Two is like you plus me, that's what two is.

Some people adopted you before me and they called you Timmy (which is a stupid name) and they returned your ass almost immediately because you were so annoying at that age.

Like think about how annoying you are right now at seven years old, but way worse.

I'm better than them though, I don't call you Timmy and I wore earplugs to bed for three years because you love to scream at bedtime. Earplugs are like when I roll over and go back to sleep even when you are yelling so so so loud.

I got you at a time in my life when I was really sick (being sick is like when I'm up late because I'm throwing up and you are a very handsome good boy who sits with me) and they had to put me asleep for a procedure. A procedure is like what happened to you when they put you asleep and took your balls away.

btw, idk if this will be seen by any of the countless people who already have seen and reblogged this post, but heres the original guide posted on how to make the chibi-rocky! the OP also has a separate guide for a more accurate rocky, though obviously less simple of a guide than the little thingy shown off

Green: holds up a sign that says "SEATBELTS." waits to hear seven seatbelt clicks. burns rubber. (when they're not driving, they're the designated shotgun snacks person.)

Flowery: the usual driver. a pretty good driver, apart from the occasional ludicrous over-the-top anime stunts. takes a nap in the back when he's not driving

Yellow: drives like it's the Wild West, until Seth gets annoyed and looks up road safety laws. has a breakdown. drives them all to the police station to turn himself in. not allowed to drive after that

Blue: polite and cautious to a fault. always drives under the speed limit. takes several minutes to perfectly parallel park.

Seth: does not drive. listens to audiobooks when they're not being an annoying backseat driver

Aqua: sitting in the back singing VERY VERY LOUDLY. wants to stop at every roadside attraction and restaurant they pass. Flowery distracts her with road trip games when he's not driving. everyone is relieved when she falls asleep.

Orange: wants to know if they're there yet. sings along with Aqua sometimes. gets in fights with Aqua sometimes. maybe sits on the dashboard and helps Green distribute snacks

Time for things to get worse before they get worse before they get worse before-