The Clitoris

A. no this is not what Arabians are supposed to look like

- Guy in a van that’s not his. Van has a locked safe in the back and the guy doesn’t have the key. Officer breaks the safe open and finds drugs. Officer neglects to note whose car it was when he ran it or write down anything the guy says about whose car it is. Prosecutor persisted in the felony charge all the way to higher court. Got a “not guilty” on that one.

- Girl in a car that’s not hers. Car is pulled over, she rummages around to find registration. In the process, she moves a bag. Officer decides this is her bag, searches it, finds a baggie corner with drug residue. At trial, officer cannot remember what type of bag it was (men’s? Women’s? Backpack? Purse?) or what else was in it. Again, no offer from the prosecutor to reduce it. Not guilty.

- Guy who got pulled over for speeding. Police found pill bottle in the car with the label gone. Guy belatedly remembers that time that he got his wisdom teeth out and spilled water on the pill bottle. Ironically, he only took like two of the painkillers because he didn’t really need them and they proceeded to end up in his car somehow and rot. Dismissed at preliminary hearing.

- Vicodin found in woman’s car. “That’s my mom’s Vicodin,” she says to police. Her mom is not there. Because she knew it was there and had dominion and control over it, she is legally guilty of possession. Guilty plea; 100 hours community service and completely unnecessary drug treatment class that is mandatory.

- Alleged sale of Adderall. Police do a “controlled buy.” They fail to photograph the money or record the amount. They fail to search their buyer before the transaction. They record the license plate of the selling vehicle as being from two different states. They do not photograph the pills. They do not even count the pills, apparently, or they just steal drugs: lab certificate says “30 pills sent to lab” and the next line reads “28 pills received by lab.” And then the alleged audio of this was lost in a “computer error.” Prosecutor dropped the case from sheer humiliation.

- Too many cases to count where drugs are just out in plain sight and everyone is charged with constructive possession.

- Too many cases to count where police meticulously search a trash filled car to come up with an empty fragment of a straw or corner of a baggie with residue because in our state that counts as real possession.

Well, as winter turned into spring, I started biking home from work. A long, circuitous route that took me through residential areas, and past offices and businesses. Offices and businesses that were closed for the day. And yet their signs were still lit up. The lights were still on inside. There were TVs playing in empty breakrooms. All the computers in the school district offices stayed on, their monitors not even going to sleep, all night. Paused to take a break in an empty strip mall once and when I leaned against the glass of a restaurant I could hear the music still playing inside.