it/its β actually schizophrenic β adult β AO3 and main tumblr are both DrowningInRedInk β not quite as much of a shipper as implied by the fact that wincest is in my url β yes I like wincest and deanjohn and samjohn but I am aro above all
Hello everyone! I'm schizosamwincester. If you want something to call me, I've been going by Satan online for a long time now. I'm 23 and I use it/its pronouns. My main blog is @drowninginredink and DrowningInRedInk is also my ao3. And yeah, as the url implies, I'm schizophrenic.
I write a lot of one shot fanfics, generally pure angst or angsty smut. I send out weekly Wincest Wednesdays asks. I make the occasional webweave. I talk probably way too much about how Dean is aromantic and aplatonic, and really should try estrogen. As you can probably tell from the username, I like using Sam as my self-insert, particularly when it comes to schizophrenia.
Outside of fandom, I'm a nursing aide, I play viola and sing in choir, I play DND and GM Monster of the Week (which is a tttrpg you should really try if you like Supernatural), and I sometimes do theater.
I do ship wincest, as you can tell from the url, but I'm aromantic above all, so I write and talk a lot more about gen stuff than anything. Also I really enjoy deanjohn and samjohn. I make sure to tag all ships, so even if you don't like wincest (or deanjohn or samjohn), this blog should be safe for you if you filter that tag.
My general tagging system is very straightforward descriptions. Characters are tagged #firstname lastname, or #name supernatural if they don't have a last name. Headcanons are all tagged as like, #trans femme Dean Winchester or #schizophrenic Sam Winchester. I am not creative about this, so if you're looking for something, it shouldn't be too hard to find.
Don't be afraid to DM or send asks! Just know I'm extremely talkative, so not only will I reply, it will be multiple paragraphs.
All my webweaves are here. My wincest wednesday manifesto is here. My fics are all below the cut:
Let's see where this ends - Dean/Jess
Fixing all the problems that you made in your own head - schizophrenic!John, no supernatural AU
You sound absurd, even if you're right - schizophrenic!Sam, sampreg, Sam & Dean, past Sam/Lucifer
The Story Doesn't Change - schizophrenic!Sam, Sam & Dean, Mystery Spot
Everything I thought I knew has fallen out of view - schizophrenic!Sam, Sam & Dean, It's a Terrible Life
the only hoax I believe in - Dean/John, Lucifer Rising
Do you ever feel that this should be officially the end? - Pre-Series, John, Murder/Suicide
Pretty Thing (you'll be complete) - Closeted trans woman!Dean/Post-op trans woman!Bela (smut)
Hold your breath, I'll hold mine too - past Sam/Jess, Sam/Dean, sampreg, miscarriage
You can call it loneliness - Bobby/John, Dean/John, Sam/Dean
If She Had Lived - Jess Lives, Depersonalization-Derealization Disorder, Sam/Jess, Jess/OC
Dangerous Questions - Aplatonic Dean, Dean/Cassie
That's just not us - Aplatonic Dean, Sam & Dean
For the best - Aplatonic John, John's breakup with Bobby
Sissy - closeted trans woman!Dean/John (part 1)
Sister - Sam finds out about trans woman!Dean (part 2)
Subsist - Vignettes between Sam and closeted trans woman!Dean (part 3)
Insisted - Bobby finds out about trans woman!Dean (part 4)
Drink to Forget - AU where Sam dies in Carry On instead of Dean
I remember when your head caught flame - Sam/John, underage, first kiss
If He Asked - one-sided destiel, established wincest
You can pin and mount me like a butterfly - dean/john, smut, castration
Like in the movies - aromantic Dean, very underage Dean/John
But they were fucked up in their turn - closeted trans woman!Dean & closeted trans woman!John
Take My Body - trans man!Sam/John
A disfiguring chicken pox of the soul - weirdcest, weecest, trans boy!Sam/trans girl!Dean (not that either knows it yet)
like the baptism he never had - Sam/Dean, necrophilia, piss (All Hell Breaks Loose)
Silver Linings - Sam/Dean, necrophilia, piss (yes, again. But this time it's Mystery Spot)
Like Flies from your Face - Dean & Bobby, suicidal!Dean (All Hell Breaks Loose)
Tonight I give in to the fantasy - Trans woman!Dean, sex worker!Dean
No other box I choose to use - humanfucker!Gabriel (Hammer of the Gods)
Sucker love is heaven sent - Gabriel/Adam smut
Live through this, and you won't look back - trans woman!Sam
I'll use you as a warning sign - Sam/John, Dean/John, unplanned pregnancy
Hobbies - Dean & Bobby (& Sam), Dean's love of hentai
the road is so long - one-sided John/Dean, pining Dean, Christmas
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The true forms of archangels are unfathomable and horrifying, the image burning not only the eyes of men but their bodies and minds, leaving behind only ashes. There are only a select few who can look upon them without meeting death in seconds. It's an honor, or a curse, relegated to their vessels.
On the fall into the Cage, Sam and Lucifer are separated.
And the Cage is⦠not what Sam expected. It's mostly cramped. He elbows Adam, now archangel-less himself, in the ribs trying to make room. Adam kicks him for it. He won't stop glaring at Sam, which Sam thinks is pretty unfair given how he just wrestled the devil himself into submission and sacrificed himself to save the world.
Though, he guesses he did also sort of sacrifice Adam as well.
On second thought, Adam probably has every right to kick him.
Sam cranes his neck around looking for said archangels. Doubtless, they'll descend soon. Who knows what kind of tortures they can come up with? This is starting to seem less and less like a good idea, especially now that Adam has his bearings and is most definitely aiming his kicks at Sam's crotch. Sam takes a note from Dean that he never thought he'd get to use himself and shoves Adam under one arm to keep him still. He doesn't even noogie him because Sam is more mature than Dean is. Adam tries to bite him.
"Stop it. We need to-" He's going to say hide, but there is nowhere to hide. The Cage is incredibly small.
He was pretty sure Archangels were supposed to be massive, weren't they? How did Lucifer fit in here?
β¦Where was Lucifer?
Sam looks around, and around again, and it's only when he hears an odd squeaking noise at his feet that he thinks to look down.
He beholds, finally, the true, awe-inspiring, fearsome form of the archangels.
"Oh my God," Sam says, with the voice of a man who has lost everything. "They're Furbies."
"What the fuck is a Furbies?" Adam says from under Sam's arm before he takes advantage of Sam's shellshocked state to wriggle away and start hitting him again.
The archangels, which are, now, squat, furry, round creatures with ears and eyes too large for their⦠heads? Bodies? Are aggressively clacking their mouths-beaks-somethings at each other. Sam is coming to understand the true meaning of Hell as he watches the two being who would have burned the universe wiggle at each other with malice and curse in nonsense phrases. Apparently, that's what Enochian sounds like, properly pronounced. No wonder none of their spells ever worked.
"This couldn't get worse," Sam groans. It's the one thing no one should ever say in Hell, because the universe takes that as a challenge.
The Furby archangels wiggle closer together. Sam stares as the bigger oneβthe one he's assuming is Michael?βpecks and lurches at the Lucifer Furby as it squawks back at him.
And then it pushes the Lucifer Furby over.
"Please don't be doing what I think you're doing," Sam says under his breath in horror. Adam stops hitting him to stare as well. He does not look half as horrified as Sam thinks he should, and as a matter of fact, he's going to stop looking at Adam's expression and whatever it's doing when the Michael Furby-
Well, when it-
"Wow," Adam says, "those dicks are really disproportionate."
Sam is not checking, Sam is not checking, Sam is not-
He regrets everything he's ever done in his entire life that led him up to this point, but yeah, Adam's right. Lucifer's Furby dick is the same size as his entire body. Which really calls into question how he's fitting-
Sam is not thinking about it.
Sam is going to stand, right here, as still as he possibly can, and ignore the squeaking and slapping noises happening at their feet, and when Dean inevitably gets him out of Hellβbecause right now, Sam is really hoping his brother forgets his promise and ditches his chance at a fresh start for himβhe's going to tell Dean that he was tortured.
"They must have a lot of stamina," Adam says. Sam is also going to tell Dean that Adam died in the Cage, because he's definitely not going to tell Dean about Adam getting down on the floor to get a better look.
The Lucifer Furby starts singing. Something sticky lands on Sam's shoe. For a moment, there's a blessed stillness. And then the fucking starts again.
(Enjoyed it? Any interaction is welcomed. You can even support me on Ko-Fi <3)
>:) and more for you over here. O, Q, and E for yourself
E - Have you added anything stupid/cracky/hilarious to your fandom, if so, what:
Oh this comes first! I have an answer!
This is Thom. He is the mascot for Thomas English muffins. I see him on a cardboard display every time I go to the grocery store. And if you ask me, he looks a bit like Richard Speight Jr. So, I did the obvious thing and wrote a crack fic about it. Where Gabriel gets so annoyed by the ads that he swaps the mascot to be himself. As one does if they are Gabriel.
Huzzah!
I probably have had more stupid ideas I've posted here, but that's the one that comes to mind because I've actually written the fic for it.
... Also if carfuckers week ever comes back, I should really write about Count Olaf fucking the bulletholes in his trunk. Or maybe even if it doesn't
O - Choose a song at random, which OTP does it remind you of
Okay, shuffling my likes playlist on YouTube music... No Choir by Florence and the Machine? God, do I know any ship that happy? Like, it's a very nice song and a very good one if you actually like romance. But I don't, so I like my ships way less happy than this. As the first lyrics go, "it's hard to write about being happy/cause the older I get/I find that happiness is an extremely uneventful subject."
Uhh... The next ones I get are Z-E-P-H-Y-R by Squalloscope, which I've already done an SPN webweave to, so yeah, wincest, duh, and then hoax by Taylor Swift, which, hey look, I already wrote a whole deanjohn fic about that which I am really, really proud of and everyone should read. And then Heavy in Your Arms, originally by Florence and the Machine but this is the Unwoman cover, which. Samifer. Duh. Massive duh. Obviously Sam and Lucifer.
I feel like that was a bad answer, but whatever. Everyone can steal No Choir for their own domestic ship.
Q - A ship youβve abandoned and why
Uh... See to abandon a ship I'd have to be really into it in the first place and I'm not good at that... Okay wait, this does have an answer, we will not go into the full drama of how terrible being an aroapl who was doing comp-alloplatonic hard in smosh fandom was, but Ian/Anthony of Smosh, definitely. Like even an aro like myself can see what a good ship "we were completely broken up and apart for 6 years without talking at all and then when we came back we were more in love than ever" is, but Jesus Christ those people could not deal if anyone ever talked about anything else or wanted to ship anything else or not think about romance for 5 seconds. Anyway, I've moved on from the fandom since realizing I'm aplatonic and reading about all these people who are best friends gives me big repulsion, actually, but these days the fandom has also pretty much moved on to yuri, which, good, vast improvement.
R - A pairing you ship that you donβt think anyone else ships
Oh I've got to have an answer for this. Well, it used to be Nessarose/Elphaba from Wicked, but then I got @quietwingsinthesky on that train (read the fic it is very good) and that has 23 kudos so I can hardly get away with that anymore.
That said. Answer that does 100% work. So I just watched the movie Withnail and I. You all should too. A) because if you follow this blog, I know you'd enjoy a movie about two men who are deeply codependent, horribly people, and very adamant that they aren't gay. It's not even two hours long. You have time. And b) because I am going to write so much fic about it. And one of those fics is going to be that (spoiler warning)- wait. Actually. Yeah this is a big enough spoiler that I am not going to explain why here at all. Okay. Just trust me. Withnail/Uncle Monty is a thing that someone should have written by now, but apparently this fandom was waiting for Incest Boy to arrive and write it itself.
Y - A fandom youβre in but have no ships from
That's hard because on the one hand, I'm too aro to really consider myself much of a shipper for anything, but I'm also too aro to really say no to any ship, either. Like if you tell me "hey these two should have sex" I'm going to go "yeah okay, I can roll with that, tell me more." My gut answer is to say Phantom of the Opera because I don't really care about anything non-canon? Like I've read Erik/Raoul and Erik/Raoul/Christine for fun, but I can't say I actually ship it. It's just that yaoi and poly is fun. But I'm very much reading it divorced from canon and as OCs more than anything. That's the problem with Phantom of the Opera fandom in general, is that it's primarily based around seeing the story as a romance (generally between Christine and the Phantom) and to me it is very much a horror story. That's why I like it. I enjoy Christine being goddamn terrified. I don't want to imagine that she's more into the Phantom than she is. But even then, like... Yeah of course I'm down for non-con between them. I'm me.
But yeah, I think that's my answer. I've been into Phantom since I was about 9, it was one of the first media I obsessed over, but I cannot say I'm into the pairings at all except for their narrative utility and the way they're presented in canon.
Z - Just ramble about something fan-related, go go go
Hmm... Yeah okay. I was going off about this yesterday to queer-as-in but might as well do it again.
Look. I am aware that I am bodily waste Georg. My job is changing diapers and helping people go to the bathroom. I go home and jerk it to scat porn. And then on my days off, my wife comes over and (among other things) pisses on me. I do understand that I spend substantially more time thinking about shit and piss than the average person.
All that said. Using the toilet is a thing that people do. And it is frankly ridiculous how allergic to acknowledging it people are. Like... I will read fic about people slowly wasting away from illness. And apparently they are still perfectly capable of controlling their bowels and bladder. No. No they aren't. I understand that I have more experience with this than the average fic writer because changing hospice patients is literally my job, but I can promise you, the only ones who aren't wetting themselves are the ones who have catheters.
It is wild that people are so squeamish about shit that I can filter the Wincest tag for it and find fics that have it tagged because Sam literally tells Dean "if I have the runs tomorrow, it's your fault" after fucking snails. Good fic, don't get me wrong, but that should not be how I found it.
Like. It's weird that in a fandom where people are obsessed with incest, necrophilia, blood play including blood drinking, non-con, and pretty much every other form of taboo you can think of, the only scat appreciators I can find are the ones who I convert myself. And there is some watersports but it does not feel proportional.
And yeah, yeah, if you can't find it, write it yourself, but I think it's pretty logical that I prioritize the ideas that other people get excited about with me. The things my mutuals are going to tell me I'm a genius for. Instead of the thing that I get crickets about when I express interest in.
Also it's just really hard to write with that much of a boner. It's easier when I stick with kinks I'm a little less into, lol.
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read on a03 | read on sqwa
spn | wincest | explicit | 3,000 words
π€ Sam shits himself during sex. that's the entire fic. to be clear. that and some post-nut clarity
β οΈ "lady doth protest too much" + "I regret everything I've ever done" style dubcon
The room tilts around Sam. He's doing the worst, most shameful thing he can imagine and he's doing it in front of Dean. On Dean.
But Dean hasn't shied away, hasn't even flinched. Is still hard and still touching him, pupils blown as he looks at the mess between Sam's legs.
α°.αa while back, @drowninginredink informed me that this fandom is well below the scatfic quota so I'm doing my part. if it drives away some of my followers more's the better
listen. I do not ascribe to the idea that Dean is a cardboard cutout of an abusive husbandfather to Sam, but that confrontation IS what domestic violence looks like and it's extremely intimate partner violence coded
acting like he's going to leave to force a fight
undermining and demonizing (haha) another relationship
hitting Sam in the face when he's not expecting it and is less likely to hit back (TWICE)
breaking things
saying that in slightly different circumstances he would kill Sam
using guilt and god to try to modify Sam's behavior
questioning Sam's ability to make his own choices, thereby implying that he needs Dean to make them for him
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I think I'll go nice and broad here. It's pride month, so talk about absolutely any LGBTQIA+ headcanon you have for supernatural. How did the Winchester of your choosing discover they were attracted to the same gender? Which side character was definitely stealth trans? Who do you know in your heart was aspec or intersex? And etc. You have free rein to spread whatever gospel you want, whether it explicitly contains any wincest or not, as long as it is queer
-@schizosamwincester
oh man where to start (ignore that im practically a week late)
sam- demisexual 100%, he needs some kind of connection, one night stands are not for him. i like to think hes open to any gender but tends to have a preference for women, but that might just be the urge to be canon-compliant in me. but i AM a sucker for the idea that he played around at stanford, giving and taking up the ass
dean- he dont like labels yk? he wants to believe hes a strong-willed red-blooded american who only fucks women, but i like to think he's not as straight and narrow as he tries to be. i also like the hc that hes aromanitc, but that could be projection
cas- i know that jimmy is a cis male but i like to think cas is bare, like a barbie doll. he walks that line between pansexual and aroace, all or nothing and hes not sure which it is
as for side characters:
kevin is 100% trans, hes such a rat i love him. please, his last name is TRAN, imagine all the jokes he's made
ok the thing I like most about this is all of the nullification talk has been about late seasons Sam, which is when I think he'd really want to not have a dick
if the dick gets taken away earlier and in a highly non-clinical way.... then he has what he wants (no dick) but also deep, gnarly scar tissue and major surgery and urinary problems so he has to think about his dicklessness even more than he'd be stuck thinking about his dick! marvelous!
Samβs family was God knows how many miles away. Dad hadn't said a word to him since he was nineteen. Sam couldn't remember the last time he lit a match, or held a gun, or even looked at a motel. For years, Sam went to the same school every day and slept in the same bed every night. For the first time, Sam's life was completely normal.
It didn't fix a goddamn thing.
When he caught the scent of someone smoking outside, Sam saw his father dropping a half-finished cigarette into a grave. His mind found a supernatural explanation for every news story he heard. In the middle of conversation, Sam swore he saw his friend's eyes flash with black.
On weekends, Sam accepted Bradyβs never-ending invitations to parties, then came home and studied until the words of his textbooks were burned into his retinas, but when he laid down in bed, he was still overcome with the urge to abandon Stanford completely and find something, anything to waste. His fingers itched to feel a trigger beneath them. Despite himself, Sam stole salt packets from the dining hall to line his windows and slept with a silver blade beneath his pillow.
Then he met Jessica.
Jess was like nothing Sam had ever known. Her voice was soft; her eyes were kind; her very skin glowed like the sun lay just under its surface. Sam lost his virginity to rough, calloused handsβJessβ were so smooth that he was surprised she ever even held a pencil. Sam grew up in dimly-lit motel rooms, hiding in shadows and sneaking out in the middle of the night. Jess carried sunshine into every room. Her smile alone contained more warmth than a summer day in Flagstaff.
It wasn't enough.
When Sam woke with another body in his bed, he instantly smelled sweat, motor oil, and musk. If he closed his eyes while Jess was going down on him, he expected to see buzzed hair between his thighs when he opened them. Somehow, the second her small, soft hands grabbed Samβs hips, they grew and became covered in scars and callouses. Sam tried to leave the past behind, but it haunted him regardless. There was no way to salt and burn his own memories.
Jess' presence made no difference. Sam still had to turn off the news whenever he entered a room. He kept salt packets in his pockets. His silver knife was always tucked into his belt.
Lately, when Sam went to sleep, he saw Jess on the ceiling, lit by a ball of flames. Even living in paradise, Sam couldn't help but look for monsters.
Sam loved Jess, but she didn't change a thing. He was still the man that he was raised to be.
john and dean pre fucking, john tells him "open up" and dean dutifully opens his lips, john slips two fingers inside and feels around, feels around his tongue and teeth and cheeks, soft padding of fingertips feeling their way around dean's mouth, and dean is panting around them, he's achingly hard and has no idea why
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What if Sam didn't notice the first time Dean broke into his apartment? What if Dean got in, helped himself to a beer from the fridge, and then just wandered around the living room? Looking at pictures on the walls (in the dark, so he doesn't notice the corner of a picture of him and Sam sticking out of the LSAT study book on the coffee table), looking at the uncluttered, settled, homeyness of this place Sam lives. With a girl. With not Dean.
What if eventually, he gets tired of waiting for Sam's hunter instincts to kick in, because clearly Sam's gotten rusty if he hasn't woken up yet, so he makes his silent (maybe not-so-silent, maybe he's making a bit of noise on purpose because he wantsneedshungers to feel Sam against him like he used to, when they were younger and sparring) way to the bedroom. What if he pauses at the door, open just a crack, because those sounds are muffled but quite clearly involved and Dean's never had a chance to walk in on Sammy with a girl before. Walk in on Sammy naked, sure, that was inevitable with how they grew up. Walk in on Sammy jerkin' it, yeah. That was also inevitable (especially when he was trying to, needed desperately to see Sam when he was lost in pleasure, loose and wanton and so so forbidden). But Sammy with a girl? Heck, for all Dean knows, Sam left for college a virgin (thank god).
What if Dean peeks through the crack in the door, and suddenly he can't breathe because those sounds are muffled because Sam's biting a pillow, knuckles white where he's holding fistfuls of it, and a blonde goddess with a leather halter on her hips is thrusting into him and they're glistening with sweat in the moonlight and all Dean can think about is how much he hates that woman, how much he wants to be the one holding Sam's waist in a bruising grip, how much he wants to feel Sam tight and hot around him.
What if Dean sees the woman - Jess, her name is Jess, his stalking has taught him that much - lean down, what if Dean hears her say "you like that, baby brother?" and what if Sam's cry as he comes gets Dean harder than diamonds and Dean has to leave, has to get out now because if he doesn't...
if he doesn't...
god, if he doesn't he might have to pull her off of Sam, because that should be him and Sam knows it and clearly she knows it too.
What if Dean had to come back the next night, because he couldn't trust himself that first time he broke in?
Okay all I'm saying is that if you didn't actually look at Jared Paladecki and just went off the average fandom physical descriptions of Sam Winchester (really tall, big tits, at least a little bit feminine) then Klinefelter's Syndrome Sam is actually a really good headcanon. I mean it falls apart if you actually look at Jared, I have no reason to believe he's at all intersex at all, he has traditionally masculine features and just happens to have tall genes and pecs, but my point is if you wanted to make Sam this particular flavor of intersex, it isn't that much of a leap. It does result in a Sam who is still very tall and well-endowed in the chest region.
And for the non-medical nerds, Klinefelter's means XXY chromosomes. They're generally born with typical male genitalia, but then they generally don't get normal male testosterone levels at puberty and will have elevated estrogen levels. So common traits include infertility, gynecomastia, low body hair, more feminine features, development delays, lower muscle tone, and for some reason, being extremely tall. Like. I've had a patient with it. And Jesus. His ass was about the same height as my head. That level of tall.
And. Because I'm a contrarian. The most delightful part of this headcanon/AU is that it would also mean Sam has a very small penis. As in like, child size because it never got that puberty growth. And given everyone and their mother thinks Sam Winchester has a horse cock, it is just delightful to me to come up with an AU where the entire point is that actually he doesn't.
