it/its — actually schizophrenic — adult — AO3 and main tumblr are both DrowningInRedInk — not quite as much of a shipper as implied by the fact that wincest is in my url — yes I like wincest and deanjohn and samjohn but I am aro above all
Hello everyone! I'm schizosamwincester. If you want something to call me, I've been going by Satan online for a long time now. I'm 23 and I use it/its pronouns. My main blog is @drowninginredink and DrowningInRedInk is also my ao3. And yeah, as the url implies, I'm schizophrenic.
I write a lot of one shot fanfics, generally pure angst or angsty smut. I send out weekly Wincest Wednesdays asks. I make the occasional webweave. I talk probably way too much about how Dean is aromantic and aplatonic, and really should try estrogen. As you can probably tell from the username, I like using Sam as my self-insert, particularly when it comes to schizophrenia.
Outside of fandom, I'm a nursing aide, I play viola and sing in choir, I play DND and GM Monster of the Week (which is a tttrpg you should really try if you like Supernatural), and I sometimes do theater.
I do ship wincest, as you can tell from the url, but I'm aromantic above all, so I write and talk a lot more about gen stuff than anything. Also I really enjoy deanjohn and samjohn. I make sure to tag all ships, so even if you don't like wincest (or deanjohn or samjohn), this blog should be safe for you if you filter that tag.
My general tagging system is very straightforward descriptions. Characters are tagged #firstname lastname, or #name supernatural if they don't have a last name. Headcanons are all tagged as like, #trans femme Dean Winchester or #schizophrenic Sam Winchester. I am not creative about this, so if you're looking for something, it shouldn't be too hard to find.
Don't be afraid to DM or send asks! Just know I'm extremely talkative, so not only will I reply, it will be multiple paragraphs.
Header from this webweave.
All my webweaves are here. My wincest wednesday manifesto is here. My fics are all below the cut:
Fixing all the problems that you made in your own head - schizophrenic!John, no supernatural AU
You sound absurd, even if you're right - schizophrenic!Sam, sampreg, Sam & Dean, past Sam/Lucifer
The Story Doesn't Change - schizophrenic!Sam, Sam & Dean, Mystery Spot
Everything I thought I knew has fallen out of view - schizophrenic!Sam, Sam & Dean, It's a Terrible Life
An Act of Kindness - Spina Bifida!Sam, Sam/Ruby
Make it easy (that's a relief) - Spina Bifida!Sam, Sam/Cara
By Herself - Multiple Sclerosis!Lisa
Keep Trekking - Amputee!John, ADHD!Dean, Hard of Hearing!Dean
The many human obstacles that destiny devised - Wheelchair user!Bela
Let's see where this ends - Dean/Jess
the only hoax I believe in - Dean/John, Lucifer Rising
Do you ever feel that this should be officially the end? - Pre-Series, John, Murder/Suicide
Hold your breath, I'll hold mine too - past Sam/Jess, Sam/Dean, sampreg, miscarriage
Pretty Thing (you'll be complete) - Closeted trans woman!Dean/Post-op trans woman!Bela (smut)
Expectations - trans woman!Sam, trans woman!Dean
You can call it loneliness - Bobby/John, Dean/John, Sam/Dean
If She Had Lived - Jess Lives, Depersonalization-Derealization Disorder, Sam/Jess, Jess/OC
Dangerous Questions - Aplatonic Dean, Dean/Cassie
That's just not us - Aplatonic Dean, Sam & Dean
For the best - Aplatonic John, John's breakup with Bobby
Sissy - closeted trans woman!Dean/John (part 1)
Sister - Sam finds out about trans woman!Dean (part 2)
Subsist - Vignettes between Sam and closeted trans woman!Dean (part 3)
Insisted - Bobby finds out about trans woman!Dean (part 4)
Drink to Forget - AU where Sam dies in Carry On instead of Dean
I remember when your head caught flame - Sam/John, underage, first kiss
If He Asked - one-sided destiel, established wincest
You can pin and mount me like a butterfly - dean/john, smut, castration
Like in the movies - aromantic Dean, very underage Dean/John
But they were fucked up in their turn - closeted trans woman!Dean & closeted trans woman!John
Take My Body - trans man!Sam/John
A disfiguring chicken pox of the soul - weirdcest, weecest, trans boy!Sam/trans girl!Dean (not that either knows it yet)
like the baptism he never had - Sam/Dean, necrophilia, piss (All Hell Breaks Loose)
Silver Linings - Sam/Dean, necrophilia, piss (yes, again. But this time it's Mystery Spot)
Like Flies from your Face - Dean & Bobby, suicidal!Dean (All Hell Breaks Loose)
Tonight I give in to the fantasy - Trans woman!Dean, sex worker!Dean
No other box I choose to use - humanfucker!Gabriel (Hammer of the Gods)
Sucker love is heaven sent - Gabriel/Adam smut
Live through this, and you won't look back - trans woman!Sam
My head is full of poison - Stanford era Sam, past wincest, Sam/Jess
Come to the River - underage Dean/John, piss
I'll use you as a warning sign - Sam/John, Dean/John, unplanned pregnancy
Hobbies - Dean & Bobby (& Sam), Dean's love of hentai
the road is so long - one-sided John/Dean, pining Dean, Christmas
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Dean being so excited about being 're-hymenated' after what john used to do to him😵💫😵💫
hi, anon! <3
i'm afraid charlotte & i aren't super into johndean, but we love and respect those who are! i could write a little snippet out of it, but i'm afraid it'll be more dean-reflecting-on-abuse and less dean-wanted-it-too kinda beat.
here's a little bit of that, but apologies if it's not what you're looking for! there are tons of really talented full house of wincest mutuals/followers that are around these parts though, so feel free to rec yourself in the comments for anon!
Dean realizes, as he's tying his shoelaces this morning, that this body has never touched Dad. He stops, his fingers fumbling and the beginning loop coming undone.
Dad has never touched him. This body has never thrown up after giving its first, terrible blowjob, this body has never laid awake at night nauseous and terrified that Dad would come home drunk. Dean still doesn't know how to properly mourn Dad, a man that he loved so much it made him ill, but who terrified him more than anything living or dead.
But his hands never touched this chest, or pressed bruises into his legs, or ripped a fissure in his ass that Dean had taken so much ibuprofen for that he had to be taken to the ER.
Dean blinks at his hands, and realizes they are shaking slightly.
Dad's never touched him.
This body, that feels so strange, like Dean was put into it wrong. Dean looks down and sees all of his fingers are perfectly straight, his nails are perfectly even and clean, and his cuticles are low and intact. The bumps and scars and bruises from a lifetime of hunting are completely gone, wiped clean.
His left wrist doesn't have that slight bend in it from when Dad held his wrists so tightly that it caused hairline fractures that broke proper on their next hunt.
Wiped clean.
Dean feels...relieved, he thinks, the tangled ball of white, hot, agonizing emotion that thinking about Dad always brings pulses behind his sternum.
Now he can love Dad and miss Dad and know that Dad...never technically touched him.
Dean can lose his virginity. The thought makes him actually laugh out loud, and Dean is grateful Sam's already outside putting his stuff in the trunk, because suddenly it's hilarious.
Dean laughs long and hard, so much that tears spring to his eyes, bent over at the waist with his shoelaces untied.
Dean, who lost his virginity in the single digits, a virgin. Rehymenated.
Dean gets to pick who takes it.
Dean eventually stumbles out of the motel room, and claps Sam on the shoulder. Despite the fact that angels are apparently on their tails and Sam hung up the phone hastily when Dean walked out, the freedom is dizzying.
Dean is clean. Dean can pick who dirties him. Dean is untouched.
Dean is alive, and he's free.
~~~
i hope this was alright anon! dean being re-hymenated is MMMMM. "nobody is a virgin" dean winchester? gah. also, my little samdean brain wants SAM to take his re-hymenated virginity oh my god could you imagine? sam would be insufferable. he'd rip dean's pants off with his teeth.
Another thing i really like about the angels in seasons 4+5 is how like totally on their own they are. like you can feel the absence of god and the way theyre all scrambling to fill it. And the way rebelling against heaven doesnt unite angels either like just looking at castiel uriel and anna all three of them individually saw that there was something wrong with heaven at different times and each responded in different ways. I dont know im rambling but like also it feels really true that for angels whose entire being is dedicated to servitude and duty that when a void is created for what they are serving they would rush to fill it with something else.. cas begins seeing himself as the winchesters guardian, uriel started his weird ass posse against heaven, anna wiped her own memories of it all. Like the way for any angel that chooses to leave it forces them into making choices for their lives, ones that are often widely different from one and other.. because thats just what free will is all about or whatever... This had no through line i just ❤️ angels
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Here's a good question from why-choose: what media would you recommend to a Wincestie or Supernatural fan?
- @schizosamwincester
im not too sure if i understand this question completely, but i think if you like spn, you should watch Teen Wolf or The Walking Dead. of course theres so many more other things to watch but theres only so much ive seen and can immedietly think of
Teen Wolf has that unrealistic element of werewolves but also has interesting world building around that unrealistic element. its cringy at times, but so is spn you know? it develops overtime into something far more dark and complicated, and sometimes you find yourself missing the carefreeness of season 1. just at about 1/3 the length of spn :D
TWD feels kinda obvious, jeffery dean morgan. i didnt even realize lauran cohen was there until i watched it and im like "BELA TALBOT??" yeah shes literally there wayyy longer than jdm. anyway, its like the more serious end of the spectrum, if teen wolf is one end and spn is in the middle, then twd is on the other end. in my opinion of course.
i barely started it, but i think Daredevil would be in this same category. but that one i cant comfirm or deny
You know what? Let's try a question that's bound to get passionate and controversial answers. Which actor do you think did the best job in Supernatural? And to be clear, yes I'm saying Wincest Wednesday, but absolutely everyone is eligible here, not just Jensen and Jared. Who do you think really killed it?
And yes you can name multiple people if you want to, but you better not cop out and say everyone.
- @schizosamwincester
youre gonna have to forgive me for being so late, lots of college stuff and packing and stress
i dont think i could EVER keep it to 1 or even 2 best actors for this show, because for one, this show is LONG and there are a LOT of actors. and two, so many do such a good job, itd be impossible to only keep it to 1 or 2 Best Actors.
on that note: Colin Ford
feels almost obvious hed be on this list. hes the young sam actor. mannerisms, speech, even physical characteristics. literally the perfect young sam and its even more incredible because hes a CHILD ACTOR.
to keep that same train going: Dylan Everett.
The young dean. the physical characteristics arent as precise as they were for colin BUT the way he literally just became dean in his three episodes, its kind of insane. ANOTHER CHILD ACTOR WHOS INSANE AT ACTING.
this ones feels kinda dumb but i have to say: Jared Padalecki
specifically, i think the way he plays different sams is one of the reasons why hes some of the best acting. you think of megsam, how she was very different than normal sam but pretty similar to Nicki Aycox and her meg. you think of gadreel!sam and how quickly and lwky effortlessly he changed between normal sam and an entirely different angel inside sams body. even lucifer!sam, how it was just a little different than lucifer possessing nick beacuse sam is his true vessel. the effort he put into sam as well, sams addiction and withdrawl symptoms, the way hes no longer angry after the cage and instead far more placating, even the subtle flinches in later seasons. i ramble but you see my point
and as one last little actor appreciation: Jake Abel
i think his acting as adam was really well done and i think he did a good job working with what he had. very short lived introduction as the "3rd winchester brother" but hes actually a ghoul and i think that was a cool acting change to see. s5 michael as well, i thought his mannerisms were really good, showing how michael was powerful even in a secondary vessel. sad there was so much time before his next appearance, but fresh-out-of-the-cage adam and michael was really well done as well. the way michael was comfortable within adam and how adam was comfortable hosting michael. complicated for an actor and he achieved it well.
can you tell i like when actors are more than the character themselves
Here's one from why-choose that in hindsight is a very obvious question, and yet i don't think I've asked it before: thoughts on femchesters? Any flavor of female!Winchesters AU. And sure, I'll accept flipping either one of them or both, cis or trans, i just want know your headcanons and opinions on Samantha and Deanna.
- @schizosamwincester
Happy Wincest Wednesday!
Although the thought of female Deanna with male Sam always has me giggling like an idiot, because Deanna would be even more maternal and even more of a mom to Sam, I am gonna talk about both of them being women today.
Deanna starts out liking girly stuff and she takes on the role of Samantha's mother readily once Mary dies. But just like Dean is not just a man, Deanna isn't just a woman. Due to all the guns and knifes and fighting and her obsession with the car, she comes across as a total tomboy and she likes that. She idolises her dad and wants to be just like him. So she always has her hair in a ponytail and the only reason she doesn't cut it short is because John keeps comparing her blond curls to Mary. But otherwise she dresses like a hunter, flannels and jeans and leather jackets.
Samantha starts out in reverse. She idolises her big sister, so if Deanna wants to play with cars, Sammy wants to play with cars too. Her clothes are always Deanna's hands me down so no dresses or skirts. She wears her hair in twintails or pigtails until middleschool. That's when things take a turn. She stops copying her sister and develops her own style. More dresses and skirts, not anything frilly though. She doesn't like frills and she hates pink. So it's all green, brown and dark dresses. She decides to cut her hair short to antagonise John. She cuts them really short but then regrets it and lets them grow to shoulder length again. She will put them in a messy bun when she needs to concentrate on studying or research.
I usually don't focus on physical appearance so the turn this answer took was unexpected. Anyway, thanks for the ask!
In different parts of the US, summer break starts and ends at different times. I don't really know what the dividing line is, whether it's north/south or east/west or warm places/cold places. What I do know is that where I live, in Connecticut, school starts the last week of August and ends mid June. Whereas where my grandparents lived, in Arizona, school started at the beginning of August and ended in May. Which meant when we'd visit there in August, during our summer vacation, we'd get weird looks and questions in the grocery store for being kids who weren't in school.
My point is, after 10 years of living all across the US, John Winchester has definitely learned this. And so I bet that as soon as Dean is old enough to spend the summer hunting with him, John makes sure that in June, they always happen to be in a state where school gets out in May, and in August, they're always somewhere that it doesn't start until September. That way he can get the longest possible hunting season out of his boys. After all, teaching them to hunt what's out there is obviously a higher priority than school.
350 words, The Pilot, trans woman!Sam, trans woman!Dean
---
Sam thought she knew how Dean would react if he ever saw her again. Obviously he'd be surprised. Then there would be some wisecrack about how Dean always said Sam was a girl, but he didn’t mean it like that. Dean would probably assume it was a sex thing. He thought everything was about sex. He would ask if Sam was going to “cut off her dick” and if her boobs were real (and when the answer was yes, there would be way too many follow up questions). Sam wasn’t sure if he’d start an argument right away, but it had to happen eventually. Dean couldn't handle when people did things their own way, and transitioning definitely wasn't his plan for Sam.
But every time Sam laid awake at night, figuring exactly how her brother would respond to having a sister, she never predicted what actually happened.
He was confused when he first saw her. She expected that. Granted, so was she. When she pictured their reunion, it never involved Dean breaking into her house and wrestling her to the floor.
Still, she flipped him over easily enough. Thank God, Jess walked in and distracted him before he could ask too many questions. Sam didn't want to explain the intricacies of gender dysphoria at one in the morning, when her real concern was why Dean was there at all.
To his credit, Dean stuck to the details of the situation after that. He even kept the staring to a minimum. He didn't ask a single question until after Sam agreed to help find Dad.
But fuck, what a question it was.
They were seated in the Impala, Dean driving and Sam riding shotgun. It almost felt normal, except for the deafening silence. For the first time in his life, Dean didn't turn on the music.
Then Dean opened his mouth.
“Look, Sammy, I know every guy wants to be a girl, but seriously. What’s the deal with all this?”
Sam expected a lot of different questions, but for the love of all that was good and holy, she didn’t expect that.
---
(Yes, I did say that I was done writing Supernatural fic for a while. Let's be honest, that was just asking for me to prove myself wrong. This has been sitting in my drafts for ages because I didn't feel like writing any more of it, and I finally realized that I didn't actually have to.)
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My non-wincest friend has told me that sin liked exactly one wincest post on accident and now sin's dash is full of art of Sam and Dean and Cas covered in blood. And I just enjoy knowing that those are the same thing in tumblr's eyes. Wincest and supernatural characters covered in blood. Like, yeah.
I feel that I should formally announced that with @disabilitynatural over, I do not intend to write Supernatural fic for a bit. I have been on the brink of a Withnail & I phase for a while, but forced myself to ignore it because I started a whole event, I was going to write fics for that event. But now that it is done, I can go all in on the way too many Withnail & I ideas that I have.
My real point with this post is that if you enjoy witnessing two men who live together, do not work any kind of real job, drink absolutely ludicrous amounts of alcohol, get viewed as a gay couple by others (despite claiming to be perfectly heterosexual themselves), lie a lot, are not good people, and are generally horrifically codependent on each other, Withnail and I is only one movie that is an hour and 45 minutes long and you'll probably like it. And last time I checked, if you are into wincest, by definition you like all those things. Here is a link to download it for free. It is very good. And you know, also if you watch it you can read everything I'll be writing lately and a bunch of stuff my lovely mutuals have also written.
(Oh, and for those of you who love the trans femme readings: in the first 5 minutes of the movie, Marwood literally reads a newspaper article about someone transitioning from male to female and then has an entire panic attack and crisis. So. Yeah there's very ample room for trans femme readings here. And good fics about it as well.)
everyones trying to divine rpf proof from like wow they looked at each other in a joint interview or performed for a crowd together the real rpf proof is when they stop speaking to each other
okay, we all know the winchester dichotomy "when the other's gone they get homicidal/suicidal", but consider: "sam can never find out i'm in love with him, it'll ruin his memory of me when i'm gone in a year" / "i'm going to die tomorrow, i can't face eternal torture without knowing what it's like to kiss dean".
Sam praying for a sign after Jess dies, he just wants reassurance that it wasn’t his fault. But the next church they pass has a sign that reads “jes s died for your sins” and. Well obviously the u just fell out, it must be a coincidence.. But he did ask for a sign. And here it is: a house of God directly telling him it was his fault she died. He doesn’t think it’s a coincidence.
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Here's a good question from why-choose: what media would you recommend to a Wincestie or Supernatural fan?
- @schizosamwincester
Hi! Happy wincest wednesday! (or saturday but whatever)
I don't have anything in store quite like supernatural so I guess it depends what aspect of the show you're looking for the most
if you want incest and/or fucked up family dynamic: a while ago I recommended this french movie called La fleur du mal (2003) by Claude Chabrol that I just happened to watch on TV at the time. It's about a dysfunctional bourgeois family and how guilt is passed down from generation to generation. and crucially, the young siblings share an incestuous relationship with intimate moments on screen.
if you're looking for excellent chemistry between two guys and/or a gay relationship: I keep recommending the swedish show Young Royals which is about a young swedish prince going to a boarding school where he meets this lower class boy and falls in love with him. It might seem like the premise has nothing to do with spn, which is true, but the two main actors have incredible chemistry and you feel for them immediately. The show also does an excellent job with its side characters and with showing the complexity of every relationship. It's about coming of age, love, friendship, it's about agency over your own body and it's about choice. really great show.
if you're looking for that early 2000s vibe and a more gritty/complex/mysterious plot: I recommend watching the show Lost. I'm on s2 rn so admittedly I don't know everything that happens but I love the mysterious vibe of the show and the interpersonal relationships. also it's a lot of hot people in low rise jeans and tank tops. bonus: they mention a pseudo-incest relationship in the early seasons that is fascinating to me
I've also heard of the sibling dynamic in The White Lotus but I haven't seen the show so I can't really comment on that. Hope that answered your question!
