Man I Should Really Change This From Untitled

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It's a bit more difficult when the character you're writing is an alien, so you don't really know what experiences they could replicate, and what are kind of different for them. So how do you figure this puzzle out?

okay first of all aliens are not real. like, yes, sure, there might be real aliens somewhere in the universe, but the aliens WE'RE writing about are not real. They're totally made up. Which means there's no "figuring out" what experiences are the same/different, there's only "making up" experiences. Writing aliens makes writing romance EASIER, because you NO LONGER HAVE TO worry about accurately replicating the allo human experience. if you want, you can write whatever MAKES SENSE TO YOU and say "this is how their species works." Throw in a quirky detail about their biology or culture or home planet that explains the difference.

Do you think people being SO horny for each other that they can't focus on anything else and it ruins their day sounds fake and made up and you don't know how to write it? "these aliens find each other attractive but they don't get that overwhelming Need To Fuck because their species can also reproduce asexually so the survival on the species wasn't dependent upon evolving an irrepressible need for sex." You no longer have to write it. etc.

As to how to write human romance, this is how I do it.

Violence: A Writer’s Guide:  This is not about writing technique. It is an introduction to the world of violence. To the parts that people don’t understand. The parts that books and movies get wrong. Not just the mechanics, but how people who live in a violent world think and feel about what they do and what they see done.

Hurting Your Characters: HURTING YOUR CHARACTERS discusses the immediate effect of trauma on the body, its physiologic response, including the types of nerve fibers and the sensations they convey, and how injuries feel to the character. This book also presents a simplified overview of the expected recovery times for the injuries discussed in young, otherwise healthy individuals.

Body Trauma: A writer’s guide to wounds and injuries. Body Trauma explains what happens to body organs and bones maimed by accident or intent and the small window of opportunity for emergency treatment. Research what happens in a hospital operating room and the personnel who initiate treatment. Use these facts to bring added realism to your stories and novels.

10 B.S. Medical Tropes that Need to Die TODAY…and What to Do Instead: Written by a paramedic and writer with a decade of experience, 10 BS Medical Tropes covers exactly that: clichéd and inaccurate tropes that not only ruin books, they have the potential to hurt real people in the real world. 

Maim Your Characters: How Injuries Work in Fiction: Increase Realism. Raise the Stakes. Tell Better Stories. Maim Your Characters is the definitive guide to using wounds and injuries to their greatest effect in your story. Learn not only the six critical parts of an injury plot, but more importantly, how to make sure that the injury you’re inflicting matters.