"no. i'm just real happy to see you."

tags -> #unlike michael original posts -> #exmicha's adventures in gifing gif/sets (bear with me, i'm still learning lol)

liveblog tags -> #exmicha watches spn posts prompted by specific episode (re)watches -> #exmicha watches teen wolf posts prompted by specific episode watches

at heart, i am a samgirl, but this does not mean i do not love dean 4ever. my favorite spn characters are jo, ellen, rufus, bela, and gordon. as you can see, i have hit an unfortunate stroke of biased writing bad luck, but we soldier on. i like wincest & gen winchesters more or less equally. sals/ykinmk/dldr here, i have nothing but respect for my fellow fans whose ship interests lie elsewhere.

my interest in supernatural is about 30% based in my interest in fandom. i am very much a "fandom is my fandom" type, and i'm a huge nerd about the culture. if i'm getting pretentious about the role of wincest in fandom as a whole, i promise i was like that before i watched the show. i spend way too much time browsing fanlore, live journal, and fandom wank, and it does impact my vocabulary. lol.

he doesn't even mention dean unless he's really seriously drunk, and everyone has different ideas about him, ranging from him having died tragically, to him and sam having had an incestuous relationship that sam ran away from. sam gets really defensive when people try to poke at the subject of dean, and for a lot of his friends it's the only time they've seen him properly outwardly angry, which just fuels the fire.

when it gets around that sam just up and left with this mysterious (not-dead) brother to look for their dad without a word after jess died, everyone freaks, and for once they're all saying the things usually deemed too ugly to say out loud right into sam's voicemail, in an effort to beg sam back home.

for at least a week sam is fielding constant calls about everything his friends have been thinking about him and his family his entire college career, but had been too polite to say aloud. it's a slap in the face, a bucket of cold water in the morning, a sudden reminder that he was never normal, and despite doing his very best to shed his previous life, it clung to him like a second skin, and everyone who spent more than a day around him could smell it on him.

it gets worse when they return to palo alto to take down the shapeshifter. sam might have been able to play-act at normal without dean, but he knows it's hopeless when they're together. he's scared they'll see it on him like a brand. he's not even sure what it is. this sick jumble of feelings in his chest when he looks at his brother? the preternatural way they know each other, that casts light on how irregular they are in all other interaction? the trained violence that lives in their skin?