E.T go homo

Do you think Jesus ever got many carpenter requests after he started preaching? Like did anyone ever go up to him and be like; "My Lord! My Lord!" And the disciples are all: "The Master won't do anymore miracles today." But obviously Jesus is like; "Yes, my child?" And they just ask what his basic rate is to fix their door.

No one talks enough about the fact that Jesus had a day job.

He repaired the relationship between humanity and god, he also repaired the table in his friend Mary's house cuz it wobbled too much.

“honey that guy who made our table got crucified” 

you see the reason that i am a pleasant person to be around and the reason i am handsome and fit is because i have learned to play video games well

What I love about spy kids is they’re not spying on anyone and absolutely no one cares.

“Spy” is basically a dnd class in the Spy Kids Cinematic Universe, there’s zero espionage, the word spy just refers to a collection of proficiency modifiers

some ppl can’t stand it pointed out their fav media is about child soldiers made in a country that refuses to abolish child soldiers. damn.

"This town is full of very very small criminals...."

I was going to say “weird and arbitrary things are marked with the threat of execution” but yours is funnier

might go into a room of male anime fans and say “sakura could beat goku in a fight” just to feel something

She could not.

Goku would win he is stronger. Delete this post

this is the only time I’m gonna side with men on this one, no one could beat goku

extending my congratulations to op for succeeding

real snitch hours if you a narc hit that like

Executive dysfunction is like that

What about a bookstore with a resident cat where u can pet the cat

No graph goes that high

there's a lady on the train knitting so aggressively and quickly that her needles clack like some sort of cartoon character and I am super intimidated

she smashed out a shawl in like 35 minutes and now she’s aggressively eating a sandwich. i cant

that sandwich is gone. packet of chips? gone. fuel for the knitting machine that she is. she’s at it again

do you think there’s ever been a point in the avatar cycle where everyone was just waiting for them to pop up in one of the water tribes, but instead they reincarnated into one of those waterbending swamp hicks in the earth kingdom? because I really like the idea of a swamp avatar with a little leaf hat and a southern drawl.

Instead of a polar bear dog or whatever, their animal companion is an alligator.

Like… we warned them. Business people warned them. You spread the market too thin, the public will find an alternative. When everything was on one or two streaming sites, it was good. But now that everybody wants in on the streaming cash cow, ain’t no cash in it because everyone’s saying “you know where I can get all these shows without paying twelve different subscription fees? Putlocker”