Is that a swarm of locust in your pants or are your dick and balls just heralding the end of days
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PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH

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@a-real-goblin
Is that a swarm of locust in your pants or are your dick and balls just heralding the end of days

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Actually no how the fuck is it august
Pack it up everyone you’ll never be this funny
Happy “how the fuck is it august” to those who celebrate!
goalie hugs for your big brother!
I! DON'T! WANT! ANOTHER! GODDAMN! APP!
PUT IT! ON! YOUR FUCKING! WEBSITE!!
"Scan our handy QR code-" I WILL DRIVE TO YOUR PLACE OF BUSINESS, STAND IN YOUR LOBBY, AND SCREAM AT A FREQUENCY THAT WILL SHATTER GLASS
One year on my birthday when I was struggling with money (earned £6.70 an hour, slept on a mattress on the floor), I had friends visit for a party.
We went to an aldi to get food, and everyone insisted on paying for their own food, buying full bottles of fizzy drink, their own snacks and so on. Some of the friends brought their own baked goods too. Later, one friend covered a Chinese takeaway order for me and everyone ordered lots of food to eat with no hesitation, only to mention that their eyes had been bigger than their stomachs when the food did arrive.
I didn't realise what was happening until the next day, when each person left my flat with the same "oops, bought too much food to take home with me— I'll just leave it with you!" farewell.
I think about it a lot. I don't know if it was planned or not, but they all made sure I didn't need to worry about food for a good few weeks. Back then, I had to freeze loafs of bread to ration them out, and I had an iron deficiency from not being able to afford good food. But alone in my flat, I realised that I suddenly had a kitchen full of reminders that my friends loved me.

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Since there is a wave of anti-birth control propaganda, this is your reminder that the birth coontrol pill was responsible for 30% more women graduating with college degrees between 1970-1990
Also a whole lot of people need it to hold down a job or stay in school regardless of reproductive risk: it offers menstrual control. It can be the difference between debilitating, bedbound periods and normal function. It’s medicine. It’s also very cheap to produce and returns soooo many thousands of dollars to the economy for every dollar it costs, so don’t let anyone make a false financial argument about it.
“Remember, nothing tastes as good as skinny feels 😇”
It does genuinely shit me off when folk refer to any amab nb as "transfem" just like it's a given. No, I am not trans-"fem" I am nonbinary. That is, not masc or fem. Not one of the two "binary" options. "Non"-"binary". As in not either one. You get it? Is it clicking yet?
#they just don't believe being nonbinary is its own unique identity#with unique experiences and material conditions from @queerautism
opened my wip and didnt immediately write a thousand new beautiful and perfect words so i'm going to smash my laptop with a hammer
usually when you have a stomach bug your body is like yes sir we'll get this punk out of here, 48 hours tops. then you get a cold and your body is like I dunno ... between a few hours and eleven months ... maybe a week minimum .... you gotta understand we're short staffed
tbf to the body, stomach bugs are easier to flush out since they are already in The System That Flushes Things Out From The Body, and that includes BOTH ends.
with a cold you gotta wait for the macrophages in your blood to start Eating Everything, and they are. not big. it takes them a while. please be more considerate of your macrophages in the future, theyre doing their best
I've got to find myself more macrophage
Now Hiring: macrophages
immunesystem.com/careers/macrophage

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When a student copies an essay online instead of writing it and then painstakingly changes every word to a synonym until the text no longer makes any sense...
call that the Ship of Thesaurus
Any educator who doesn't feel this on a visceral level has never had to experience the psychic pain of reading the phrase "Unused York City."
This is the fifth anniversary of me receiving the paper that contained "Unused York City." With ChatGPT slop invading my classes like original thought-choking kudzu, I now look back on the copy-paste + Spinbot days with a surprising amount of rosy nostalgia.
I was once in the office and another professor called me over. She was teaching a course on global citizenship.
"I can't figure out what this student is writing about," she said. "She keeps using the phrase 'perspiration stores.' Perspiration stores this, perspiration stores that."
I glanced at the paper and read a paragraph.
"Friend," I said. "She's writing about sweatshops."
"a moment on the lips a lifetime on the hips" is so fucking crazy to me because that just sounds like a win/win
prev you're changing my brain chemistry
Hey. Your brain needs to de-frag. Literally it needs you to sit there and space out.
If you want your memory or executive function to improve, stare out a window at the skyline or sidewalk or trees or birds on the electrical wires for like 20+ minutes per day. (With no other stimulation like a podcast or TV if you can manage but hey baby steps innit). If you're fortunate enough to have safe outside with any bits of nature, go stare closely at a 1 meter square of grass and trip out on the bugs and shapes of grasses and stuff.
Literally this will make you smarter. Our brains HAVE TO HAVE this zone out time to do important stuff behind the scenes. This does not happen during sleep, it's something else.
That weird pressurized feeling you get sometimes might be your brain on no defrag.
Give your brain a Daily Dose Of De-Frag.
bitework with my miniature american pitbull terrier

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MAGA boomers SHOCKED by 20y/o commie speaking fluent hog
Hog 201 for anyone interested in trying this:
Bodily autonomy (like abortion, anti draft, etc) -> “The government shouldn’t be able to force anything on my body I don’t want.”
Anti surveillance -> “I don’t trust big government/big tech (big brother if you’re feeling frisky) with the ability to spy on me and my family.”
Immigration -> “Next to all of us immigrated at some point, I don’t see why the elites get to decide who’s allowed to be where. What’s to stop them coming for me?”
Climate Change -> “Big oil shouldn’t get to determine whether or not I get to go places. I don’t want to be dependent on some big business to survive.”
State Violence -> “I don’t want the goddamn secret police breathing down my neck! I trust my community a whole hell of a lot more to help me than I do the state!”
The vast majority of conservatives think of themselves as underdogs being repressed by the government/the elite, and they value personal freedom (specifically their personal freedom, they don’t care about other people). The will almost always agree with leftist points if you can find a way to blame the problem on their vague enemies (useful, since rich people are the root of most problems), and tie it back to their ability to say fuck everyone else. NEVER appeal to science, theory, logic, or human goodness. Make it seem as if you are a paranoid lunatic who trusts no one. They love it.
#you need to tailor your arguments to people's existing values and priorities if you want to convince them #the flip side is that it's every bit as easy to tailor conservative arguments to convince a leftist audience #so don't get smug #you're not immune to this either <- prev extremely true
do you ever feel yourself fail a charisma check in real time