Beautiful Trash

#‘that goose keeps laying golden eggs. that’s stagnation. I’m going to kill it and go look for a goose that lays diamond eggs’#‘that goose normally lays golden eggs but this time it laid a silver egg. I’m going to kill it because even though I can still make good#money with that it’s not as good as a golden egg’#‘that golden egg laying goose only lays an egg once a day instead of constantly shitting them out. I don’t care that golden eggs take time#if they’re not constant the goose is worthless to me’

Went to the Holocaust Museum in DC once. There was a video interview of an Auschwitz survivor who said he and some other prisoners stayed up all night with a man who wanted to kill himself. The man didn’t kill himself and survived to liberation.

I think something a lot of people don't understand is that depression is not suicidality, and suicidality is not depression. People can, and are, depressed without being suicidal, and sometimes suicidality peaks as people are emerging from depression. Suicidality is a wave, and the trick is to allow that wave to crest and subside WITHOUT acting on it. Whatever it takes to ride it out. For some people that's distraction, like watching television. For others it's calling a friend -- not to talk about the suicidality, but just to talk. For others it could be as simple as going to sit in a coffee shop or library, because the presence of other people is a huge diminisher of suicide risk. That's what suicide safety planning is about. It's like having any other type of emergency plan, like a plan for fire or evacuation. It's making a plan when you are in the frame of mind to do so, so that you can just DO the plan without having to think about it when the occasion arises. When you're in the midst of suicidal ideation, or even intent, you're not in a problem-solving mood. So knowing past!you, with the help of a therapist hopefully, came up with the plan and all you have to do is follow up until the wave crests and subsides, is what allows you to see another day.

There’s a really compassionate and well-written paper/book/thing called Suicide: The Forever Decision that’s written specifically for people who are currently suicidal. The letter to the reader at the beginning is wonderful and deeply understands how to talk to someone who’s suicidal without preaching or talking down to them.

Ok, so, bottom surgery recovery is going ~splendidly~ tbh, I’ve been off opioids basically all week, she’s healing well, she even looks pretty which at under the one-month mark is making me feel pretty optimistic. The only problems it’s giving me are that sometimes if I see something really gross it makes my body feel like it’s trying to suck itself inward from my vagina, like a black hole generated by the power of “ew ew ew,” and that healing is really tiring so I’m like…always sleepy. But tbh most of bottom surgery recovery has been peaceful, I’ve had a lot of time to do some self-reflection (which I hate, doing my own therapy as a patient suuuuuucks), BUT, I do have one funny story:

If you really care about preventing government tyranny, your #1 priority must be making sure criminals have rights.

dying at this sequence from @pinkydragon01 :

Actually let's get specific with it