.

Lady: Oh hello sweetheart how are you :D

Me: I'm doing great, thank you. Hey would you mind kindly taking that waffle iron out of your purse

Lady: How dare you. What the hell are you on about. I've never stolen a damn thing in my whole entire life

Me:

Me: Na'am my buddy two towns over called me about you an hour ago and texted me your license plate. We're in direct view of six live feed CCTV cameras and the box is sticking out under your armpit

Me: I'm not gonna do anything if you walk out but the owner saw you nab it while he was stocking shelves and if he calls the cops I won't be allowed to go home until I write a three page detailed report about it

Me: I'm fifteen minutes from shift change

Teenager (like 14-15): I don't have anything

Me: I know you do. YOU know you do. This is not my first day on the job and you are not the best liar I've met. PLEASE put our toilet paper dispenser back

Teenager: Or what? You'll call the cops?

Me:

Guy: I needed food!

Me:

Me: I understand, things are tight for me too. But if you're short on groceries we actually have a lot of great free meal programs around town- my friend actually goes to this one on main street every day before work and she says it's helped a lot.

Me: Would you like a resource guide? It'll tell you what time the food pantry is open and how to access other free and reduced things you might need. Have you applied at the food bank?

Guy: Jesus Christ no, I'm not some freeloading bum

Me:

Reporting on theft is actually a very small part of my job, and mostly I like being someone who keeps people safe from violent and aggressive customers, guests, and family members- it's very rewarding work and I like looking out for people.

There is so much more nuance behind the ethics of stealing than most people understand, even from billion dollar megacorportations, and very few of yall actually see where the impact is shunted off to, cause you know for fuckin' sure it's not the fuckass billionaires on top who feel the hurt first

If the owner didn't hire me to prevent crimes then he'd just call the police and I like to think "yo dude my boss wants to have the cops drag you out so so bad please just go for a walk or smthn come back tomorrow" is better than officer big dick pulling up outta nowhere

Dungeon Meshi Text Posts:

Dungeon Meshi Text Posts:

You've seen this image before, but have you noticed the dates on the prison card thingies? Presumably this is written the American Way (the writers are so american they make Scout and Sniper both call their mothers "mom" despite preferring "ma" and "mum" respectively, as shown previously SEVERal times), so Spy and Scout were arrested on

The 7th of September, 1972.

We can do a lot with this information.

Mann Co was taken over by Grey and Olivia half a month before this: roughly the 23rd of August

Contrary to popular belief, most of the comics have to take place in 1973! Seeing as 6 months after late August is late February.

This also means Scout had to have been born in 1946/7. Not sure about Sniper, I have yet to overanalyse the New Zealand timeline paragraph. I'll get to it eventually.

Medic implies in comic 6 that our mercs have worked together for "at least eight years", while talking about the lore breaking Demo eyeball halloween thing. Assuming the "at least" confusion is over the 1972 Halloween they missed while not working together, the Teufort Nine were hired in 1964.

(I've almost mentally rationalised the lore breaking eyeball as a thing they do at like 4am after regular Scream Fortress shenanigans. Almost.)

Scout claims he has known Ms Pauling for six years. During the War! update, Demoman is unfamiliar with Ms Pauling (he knows she works for the administrator, but thats it), so we can assume that is the point she started working more closely with the mercs, and also 1966/7

I really need to go back to actively working on my timeline instead of passively wondering at 11pm "hey what time of year is it in the comics" and going down a rabbit hole.

Are there any surviving bread-tumor-monsters. If there are, do they act differently depending on what type of bread the original Bread Loaf was?

artist: @dill-picle