every day google gets more evil. ⤵️

…

qui-gon is dead. obi-wan is her master. she doesn't like that word, at first, but everyone around her is using it, so she has to give it a new meaning inside her head. she likes obi-wan. he's clever. he's a good teacher. she's a quicker learner.

she doesn't mind having to grow a padawan braid, it's just that the longer the rest of her hair grows, the more she hates it. obi-wan sees her angrily flipping it out of her face one too many times one training session and offers to cut her hair

…

she hasn't seen padmé in ten years. she's nervous. the thought of padmé invites thoughts of tatooine, of her mother, of qui-gon, of this life she's been hurtling through.

when the doors open and she sees queen amidala for the first time. well. she realises a few things

padmé looks much happier than she did on tatooine,

her dress is the colour of the last blink of dusk settling behind a planet in the darkness of space,

and jedi can most definitely absolutely fall in love. because she's doing it. right now.

…

their first kiss is agony. it's wrong for so many reasons. it feels like going home.

…

anakin used to be afraid of water. now when she sees it, she is reminded of her wedding day. of her wife.

…

the clone wars rage on. visions of padmé in agony torment her more than any battle, memory or wound.

this is their first night alone in a long time. they might not get another

why was there no way for her to curl up in a spot between two of padmé's ribs and stay there, guarding her heart forever?

it's like it always it. whispers. silent faces. anakin lets herself be enveloped in the softness of her wife, her woman. she is hers and hers alone.

they are running out of time.

…

she realises just before the chancellor is captured and the battle of coruscant. war distracted her before, from the movements of her own body

stale panic overtakes her. she needs to see padmé. she needs to rescue the chancellor. she cannot let obi-wan know.

chancellor palpatine tells her to kill count dooku. it's not her first time killing. she thinks of her mother.

she vomits onto the sliding ship floor after.

still, she carries obi-wan off the ship, thinking only of padmé.

…

she tells padmé. they decide to keep it.

…

she hasn't taken her cloak off around anyone but padmé in months. it's impossible to hide. they do it anyway. she thinks of her mother. she dreams of padmé, in danger, constantly. she knows obi-wan is suspicious. angry even.

the chancellor is the only one that understands.

…

maybe if she turned, they wouldn't have to hide anymore.

…

she tells master windu the chancellor's true identity. before she can regret it, she starts having contractions. alone.

obi-wan is planets away, fiaghting grievous. her wife is in the senate. there is no one to help her.

she stumbles through the temple looking for anyone who isn't at war

she finds the younglings.

"help me," she says

…

the war is over. she lies in a wide bed, holding her son in her arms. padmé holds their daughter.

obi-wan comes in. he's clearly been crying, but his face is dry now. just pink. he sits in a chair beside the four of them, stunned into silence.

he asks why anakin never told him and it's the stupidest question she's ever heard in her life.

it can never be a secret. it can never be covered up. she's worse than a fallen jedi, she's a fallen woman. she will have to leave the order and the only thing she's known as family since she was ten years old behind.

or worse, maybe it will be a secret. maybe all the younglings will have their memories wiped of general skywalker going into labour in one of the temple's grand corridors. maybe they'll make everyone forget. maybe they'll tell people she died doing something reckless and heroic like everyone had always thought she would.

she will never be a jedi knight. she will only ever be a woman.

obi-wan asks the child's name. she says luke.

he reaches out his arms, and she hands him the child.

it's surreal, lying there, more tired and broken-feeling than she ever has in her life, put though the most difficult ordeal any living creature can experience. surrounded by the four people she loves most in the galaxy, who for some reason love her too.

she doesn't know what to do, about any of it.

she glances to the side, at her wife and daughter, and runs a calloused finger over leia's soft scalp.