📓<— it’s been a while, but do you have any marvel fics ideas kicking around?
So I can’t remember if I’ve ever talked about this one but I had one where Matt and Peter are the world’s most chaotic and aggressively productive time travelers.
Basically what happens is this:
Peter ended up in fucking wizard debt. But he ended up in fucking wizard debt for Matt’s sake so Matt ended up in fucking wizard debt by catholic guilt.
In the comics, Matt had an arc where he was like, possessed for a bit because of Hand bullshit. In this fic, that happened, and Peter ended up in a deal with the fucking wizards so they’d get his body back for him. And Matt was guilty as fuck about this because he and Peter weren’t even like. Friends when Peter ended up in wizard debt for him. Peter had some kind of tragic something thing with the avengers that left him with nightmare issues around boundaries and had half the fucking avengers roaming the streets trying to repair whatever the fuck happened and Spider-Man absolutely fucking refusing to exist in the same zip code as them. Or anyone else honestly. Peter would fucking hiss at the other street people if they came too close to him, before Matt’s possession bullshit. So to have this guy who Matt barely fucking knew stick his neck out and make a deal with the fucking wizards to literally save his skin… it was a big deal to him.
Also Matt sort of stabbed him while possessed. And shot him. And tried to hunt him down and kill everyone he ever loved. Possessed Matt took out all the other street people because they trusted him and spider-man ended up in a months long cat and mouse game with this fucker and Matt sort of blew up his apartment during it and it was. It was a lot. He felt really bad.
So whenever the fucking wizards came knocking to collect on the debt, Matt tagged along to help. He wasn’t in fucking wizard debt the way Peter was but like. Emotionally he was in wizard debt
Anyway there he is, listening to whatever cackling cosmic asshole the fucking wizards have climbed down from their lofty fucking tower to fight this time, waiting for the punching part, and suddenly there’s chanting and a weird feeling in his stomach and suddenly he’s sitting at his desk, in an office he hasn’t had in years, in a body that definitely has not had a building dropped on it because his hip doesn’t make that weird clicking sound anymore
Specifically, he is post season 1 of daredevil, pre season 2. He checks the date. The date nags at him. It’s oddly familiar.
Matt, immediately walking out of his office: KAREN IM DAREDEVIL
Karen, choking on her morning coffee: … what?
Foggy, has been fighting the war to tell Karen since he found out, choking on his bagel: WHAT
Matt: listen I’m from the future
Foggy: oh my god you’re concussed
Matt, feels it is a distinct possibility: no I’m from the future
Matt: listen. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything I’ve put you through. You two are the most important people in my life and I want to have a line of absolute honesty going forward. We should sit down and talk about everything.
He’s realized what day it is, is the thing. He’s realized what time it is. He kisses them both manfully on the cheek and tells them to meet him at his apartment. He has somewhere he needs to be.
Frank Castle’s family dies in less than an hour.
He fucking runs. He has no plan and no time to make one. He steals a cap and shades to cover his face and fucking sprints to Central Park.
He finds Frank Castle sitting on a picnic blanket with his family. He’s laughing.
Matt’s never heard him laugh like that before.
He has no plan. He knows, with intimate certainty, that Frank castle may try to kick his fucking ass first and ask questions later. He knows he may get fucking shot because he can hear the fucking drug deal going south.
He power walks up to Frank’s picnic blanket. Frank’s immediately on edge.
Matt cuts straight to brutal honesty. He tells him he needs to get his family and leave. This is a fucking set up. Rawlins was dirty. He thinks Frank talked about Kandahar and he’s set them up to die—
Frank punches him in the fucking nose.
Frank doesn’t know who the fuck he is but—
Matt cuts him off. Look at where he fucking is, Frank. Look at who’s in this park.
Matt’s never heard frank castle afraid the way he is when he calls for his kids to come over. He knows he’s clocked the shooters.
They don’t make it out of the park before the gunfire starts.
This time, Frank has forewarning and Matt, and they’re a hell of a team even if Frank doesn’t know who the fuck he is. But they’re outnumbered, outgunned, and pinned.
An suv barrels into the center of firefight and runs over one of the shooters.
Peter fucking Parker, age twelve, sits at the fucking wheel.
He had the same idea as Matt when he woke up in the past and realized the day. But he had no powers and much shorter legs when he woke up. So he tied one of May’s scarfs around his face and stole a fucking car.
Matt, incredulous: … SPIDEY???
Peter: MOVE YOUR ASS RED LETS GO
They all dive in the car. Peter takes off like he is trying to punch a hole into space time through speed alone.
Peter: I AM GOING TO BRING US TO A CONTROLLED BY FORCEFUL STOP THAT WILL DAMAGE THE VEHICLE
Matt: PETER ARE YOU GOING TO CRASH THE CAR
Peter: A CONTROLLED BUT FORCEFUL STOP BRACE YOURSELVES
*peter, not listening, swings the car around so it slams to a stop, slamming the left side of the car into an alley wall and reversing into a garage that has a door that inexplicably opens and shuts for them*
Peter: matt i am sorry about the fucking wizards
Matt, sprawled wildly in the back seat, questioning his life choices: it's okay kid
Peter: no, no, I was the one who involved us with them to begin with
Matt: no its okay these things happen
Peter: really? really, has this, specifically happened to you before, matthew?
Matt: no. No, i guess it hasn't.
Matt: kid? who taught you how to drive like that?
Peter: oh, captain rogers.
Matt: like Captain rogers captain rogers?
Peter: yeah. Yeah, i, uh. i was really bored one week during the summer back when I still talked to those guys and he and sergeant barnes asked me to come along as tech support for this thing out of state and i. i didn't have anything better to do. so i said sure. because i didn't have anything better to do. they decided i needed to learn to drive during it.
Peter: yeah he, captain rogers, he, he learned to drive in a warzone you know. And drives like he thinks he's still in one.
Peter: he was the one who taught me to steal cars you know.
Peter: oh yeah. yeah. he said it's a moral neutral if you're doing it to fight a nazi and i. there's not nazis here but i figured it was. close enough.
Matt: huh. Is this--pete, is this car stolen?
Peter: oh. Oh, yeah. absolutely.
Matt: and where are we exactly
Peter: oh. Oh this is actually the hideout of one of my guys. We’re actually really lucky they weren’t here because they are. Such pains in the ass. I take care of them in like a year or two. They’ve got this, this mechanical bird suit it’s gonna be a whole. Thing. But their garage doors are rigged to open and shut really fast if you come at it at a high enough velocity so I thought. Thought it’d work out.
Frank: who the FUCK are either of you
Peter, wearily: hey Frank
They manage to convince Frank to come with them to Matt’s apartment. They obviously have some kind of information about what’s going on, and he desperately needs it. They take him back to Matt’s apartment, where foggy and Karen wait, who also have no idea what the fuck is happening. Or why Matt has teamed up with. A twelve year old boy.
Peter and Matt convince them all that they are time travelers, that Frank becomes a vigilante after his family is horribly murdered, and that they’re here to stop that. Like. They’re not here to stop that, that wasn’t the plan, this was a freak magic accident because of the fucking wizards, but now that they’re here they’re gonna stop it.
They would super appreciate it if Frank just sort of hung out in Matt’s apartment and lets them handle it. Frank gets very murdery when he’s involved in… literally anything and it’s not their vibe.
Frank is not going to fucking do that. Peter is fucking twelve years old.
Frank, has never been more distressed in his fucking life: I’m sorry are we, are we fucking friends in the future
Matt, blowing out a deep breath: no, not really
Peter: I personally always thought you two fucked but if you did it was definitely a hate thing
Frank’s fucking wife and children, also here: :o :o :o :o
Matt, in profound pain: Peter
Frank. Is not touching that. He’s still not leaving this to them.
Peter and Matt: *trying to convince frank to calm the fuck down and let them handle this, because he was super intense about this all when there was no hope of saving his family and now like. It's uncharted territory. They have no idea what he's going to do but there's going to be so. Many. Murders.*
Frank: look I have no idea who the fuck you people are or if you can handle this. This ain't some corrupt cops. This is the cia.
Peter: matt have you ever fought the cia I can't remember
Matt: uhhh I once took down the fbi. Kid? Kid, what was the biggest government agency you ever took down
Peter: uhhh does the Secretary of State count
Matt: yeah it--wait that was you?
Peter: oh yeah it was before we met did I never tell you about that one
Matt, completely derailed now: no no, i heard about it on the news but no one knew who did it, that was you??
Peter: he was like, a really big asshole
Matt: you leaked his social security number to every single person in America through the emergency response system
Peter: yeah look can we skip this chapter of my life
Foggy, still confused about who the fuck this child is: no no we absolutely cannot explain the words coming out of your mouth
Peter: look you know how it is. one day you’re a teenage vigilante getting blackmailed to go to Germany by the avengers and they don’t explain shit to you but you go with it because like, blackmail, and also like, they’re the avengers so like, it’s probably fine but then apparently it’s not fine because apparently they are absolutely fucking shit at data security and the fucking bitch ass Secretary of State finds out your secret identity and then one day you come home and everyone you’ve ever loved is in a government black site in fucking Kazakistan and the Secretary of State is going to have them shot and buried in shallow graves if you don’t let him run existentially painful experiments on you and make you his personal super slave and you’re left with no choice but to go absolutely fucking nuclear during the most physically and emotionally agonizing seven months of your life and you just end up leaking every single thing he’s ever done in his fucking life from his secret Grindr account to the science nerd he’s kept chained up in his fucking basement for like a decade who he was trying to make plan a presidential campaign or something. Honestly I sort of lost the thread around that point that guy was a lot
Matt: oh my god is that why you cut off the avengers
Peter: yeah I guess you could say I was pretty upset
Matt: wait the Secretary of State thing happened like two years ago are you saying this all happened when you were seventeen
Frank: are you saying he’s fucking nineteen in your timeline and you’re letting him fucking do this?? I thought he was at least grown in the future
Peter: technically still eighteen I’m waiting on a birthday
Frank: when do you fucking start this shit
Peter: I am not doing this with you again man I refuse to be treated like I’m twelve okay I already lost five years to that time the world ended and now fucking this there is some cosmic force trying to keep me from legal drinking age and I will not give into it.
Matt: oh god I forgot about the snap do we have to do that again
Peter: no no we’re gonna fuck with that I’ve already got like 30% of a plan
Foggy, putting his head between his knees and taking deep breaths: what is happening
Matt, to frank: look we'll be fine with the cia
But there’s another problem.
And that’s the fucking wizards.
Matt and Peter hate those bitches. They are pains in the ass who thing they’re so much more important than everyone else with their high and mighty cosmic bullshit. Those bitches are going to swan in preaching about the space time continuum and paradoxes and how they may destroy the universe and Peter already did the math and there’s only like a thirty percent chance that they’ll tear apart the fabric of reality with this shit and that is such better odds than they are usually working with they will be fine
Matt: we need a plan for the wizards
Peter: okay okay but consider: what if we just solve our problems really fast and maybe the wizards won't notice us until it's too late and we've already fundamentally changed the timeline
Matt: I feel like that won't work
Peter: no no, consider, Matt consider--the wizards are elitist Matt they legitimately might not notice the fact that the punisher never became active
Peter: look how many--how many times have the fucking wizards come to you and been like "oh hey our rival wizard is going to end the fucking world, we need you to come with us and do some sick flips and punch their--their golem army and save the world" and you do it because like, like, you live in the world, and then like a week later you go to them and you're like "hey wizards I found a bio terrorist operation, can I get one of your sweet portals inside so I don't have to figure out how to breach a vault buried a fucking half mile beneath the earth, and it'll save the city" and they're just like "eh, that's not what we do we deal with more cosmic threats, so that sounds like a you problem" they are elitist Matt they can't comprehend that we're not using this time travel opportunity to deal with all the secret nazis in the government, they might just not notice
Matt, who has personally had that happen to him like, four times now: holy shit you might be right
Frank, foggy, Karen, Maria, also in the room: the fucking what in the government
RANDOM OTHER FACTS ABOUT THIS UNIVERSE:
Foggy and Karen are implied to have a thing in season 1 that falls apart because of the strain of keeping Matt’s secret. Matt’s secret isn’t a secret anymore so they’re together in this
But the thing is Matt being completely open and honest with them is frankly the hottest thing they’ve ever seen and they are but humans.
Foggy and Karen have no goddamn idea how to flirt tho so they’re just taking Matt’s briefcase and walking him from the door to the office to the reservation for three they made for date night and distracting him until he’s already at the table and hoping he just picks up on what they’re putting down and success is. Limited.
Frank and Maria are bonding over being fascinated by whatever the fuck is going on with those three. Their favorite show is on and it is a goddamn train wreck.
Foggy and Karen’s expert seduction of one Matthew Murdock has a ticking time bomb strapped to it because at some point Peter remembers, fuck, Frank has another fucking kid that he won’t fucking talk about, fuck fuck fuck, all they know about her is that Frank goes to visit her in the south or some shit and he killed a lot of people to save her and found her in like. Kansas or something?? They don’t actually know but they are not going to fucking Kansas to check. But Peter thinks that saving her had something to do with that gay senator who came out or whatever after Frank shot his billionaire parents in the head so Peter thinks they should just trigger whatever caused people to try to kill her early and they’ll manage the effect of saving her, probably. Obviously the way to do this is to have Matt seduce a United States senator
The conversation goes something like this:
Peter: i have no idea who frank's kid is do you know who frank's kid is
Frank, whose children are in the other room: my what
Peter: no no not those kids you adopt some horrible little con artist or something, we don't know who, you hid her on some kind of state with ocean access and visit her twice a year, it's very sweet, we literally have no other information on her
Matt: you murdered like every assassin in new york over her it was a huge pain in the ass
Matt: how do we fucking find her before she gets assassinated we've completely derailed everything frank would have been doing at that time in his life
Peter: ... SENATOR GAY RIGHTS
Matt: what does senator gay rights have to do with this
Peter: do you remember, matt, matt, he wasn't always senator gay rights, he used to be senator evade-the-question
Peter: so he became senator gay rights when frank kidnapped him
Matt: frank gave senator gay rights his gay awakening???
Frank: what the fuck are either of you talking about
Peter: did Frank never tell you this story
Matt: since when the fuck did Frank ever tell stories
Peter: I don’t know man he kept trying to share wisdom with me to get me to quit or something I could never tell it was honestly a drag
Peter: look frank kidnapped him to get blackmail on his parents, the evil billionaires, who were going to kill frank's kid to stop him from having his gay awakening. somehow. i wasn't listening super hard when frank was telling this story I sort of had places to be
Matt: and this gave him his gay awakening??
matt: fantastic keep talking
Peter: all we have to do is give senator gay rights his gay awakening sooner and BOOM, the evil billionaires won't kill frank's kid because the gay has already awakened
Matt: great plan frank you're up
Frank: i am fucking married what the fuck are you talking about
Peter: matt, I need you to take one for the team and be a honeypot
Peter: matt there were tumblrs devoted to your ass. Ned followed them. I had to live with this fact. I shielded you from so much.
matt: I'm not emotionally stable enough to be a honeypot
Peter: it's hilarious that you think honeypots have to be emotionally stable. No. Man up and fuck a senator. I'll sell pictures of the walk of shame to the daily bugle. It won't be nice but it will save a life
Matt: literally anyone else can be the honeypot
Peter: oh man up. I was always the honeypot. Be the honeypot for once.
Frank, now concerned for all new reasons: fucking what
Matt: peter was never a honeypot he just had an unfortunate habit of dating his villains children.
Peter: Matt i did this seven times you can do it once
Peter: it keeps happening matt i'm terrified to date their parents are always evil and have a combat ready animal costumes in their garage and i don't know why
Anyway foggy and Karen’s entire seduction has a sense of urgency now because Peter keeps insisting that the surefire way to handle the billionaire situation is to have Matt seduce the senator, and he escalates from "Matt just ask him out for coffee one time and, kiss him once and i will sell pictures to the bugle" to "Matt don't sell yourself short you could totally be a senator's wife" and they're vaguely competing with the concept of a billionaire senator now
Frank and Maria are also bonding over chasing down Peter, who refuses to accept his endless fucking childhood any longer. Chronologically he should be in his fucking twenties by now he’s an adult he’s an adult he’s done being a fucking kid fucksake
This entire fic Peter is radiating the energy I have only found in this tumblr post:
Peters preliminary plan for thanos is basically:
Peter: okay so like, right now the wizard has a necklace that the alien needs to end the world and like, there's like another one with the government nazis, right
Foggy: okay okay you see you keep mentioning the government nazis please explain more about that
Peter: anyway I think all we need to do is just steal like, ONE of them somehow, and then--Matt, Matt, you know that big hole your ninjas dug, the one that's about to cause New York to collapse into the sea
Foggy: PLEASE ELABORATE ON ANY OF THESE SENTENCES
Peter, talking over him: I THINK we should just chuck the wizard necklace or the Nazi rock at the bottom of that big hole like the old lady in titanic and then still drop a building on top of it and I am utterly convinced that the alien can't get it then
Matt: I think we can pencil in some time to punch nazis after we wrap up this thing
1) obtain infinity stone. chuck infinity stone in giant fucking ninja hole. Immediately drop a building on top.
2) track down nick fury. Pickpocket his pager off him. Summon captain marvel. Tell her to take scarlet witch on a girls trip to rip thanos's fucking head off.
3) deny all knowledge of any of this if any avenger or super spy or fucking wizard ever asks, buy captain marvel's silence by telling her gay marriage is legal and she should go get gay married to her girlfriend in Louisiana, captain marvel is cool so she will most certainly fist bump him and agree, gaslight gatekeep girlboss
